I don’t care if you think there’s enough room before the next car to turn. I’m not comfortable with the speed they’re coming at. No, there is not enough room to change into the next lane with a car barreling down on us. I don’t care that if maybe I signaled now they will slow down. Around these parts, they will actually speed up to box me out. I don’t care that the next exit is faster, the exit I am taking is the one I know and will get us there without more of your useless directions. Oh, and yeah, I see the pedestrian waiting at the light which will change any moment… THAT IS WHY I HAVE MY FOOT OFF THE ACCELERATOR AND READY TO BRAKE IF THE LIGHT CHANGES!!!
Why yes, my answers are getting more and more terse and snappy. If I’d known I’d be driving with a control freak I would have suggested that we take your car. Oh wait, what’s that? You don’t have a car because YOU. HAVE. NEVER. HAD. A. DRIVER’S. LICENSE???
Just so’s you know, I’m now standing up and applauding. And yelling HELL YEAH!!! And holding up my lighter for a fucking ENCORE!!!
My husband does not realize it yet, but I’m very seriously on the verge of leaving him over this - I can’t take the stress.
Here’s how I look at it.
You don’t have a license. They took it away from you. And they will never give it back. You will always be a pedestrian and will need to rely on other people’s good will to get your ass anywhere.
I DO have a license. They’ve NEVER taken it away from me. And I’ve never had a ticket. My good will is what you are currently relying on to get your dumb ass anywhere.
By the time I’ve travelled more than 2 miles with you, your mouth is getting out of control, I’m a nervous wreck, and contemplating divorce. I will NOT change lanes because you tell me to, I will NOT do things I find dangerous, I will NOT cut that person off, and you flipping off any and everybody who is sharing the road with us is SO not cool - one of these days you are going to piss off the wrong person and I’LL get hauled out of the car and beaten up because of your stupid ass road rage. JUST SHUT THE FUCK UP AND LET ME DRIVE.
One or two more days of this (I’ve been driving him about 75 miles a day for the past few weeks due to a job he has) and I swear, you WILL be out of the damn house. No hand gestures, no “long suffering” sighing, keep your fucking mouth shut, listen to your damn radio, and leave me the fuck alone to get us from Point A to Point B. Remember points number 1 and 2? I have a fucking license, you DON’T?
If you don’t like the above, that will leave you back in position Number 1 of this list. So if you know what’s fucking good for you you will keep your damn piehole SHUT before I drag you bodily out of the car at a toll booth and LEAVE YOUR STUPID FUCKING PEDESTRIAN ASS THERE.
Oh, I sympathize. My son used to regularly criticize my parking. Too far from the curb, too close to the curb, not far enough in, too far in, slightly crooked…
He was 7 at the time.
I finally snapped and said something akin to the above to him. He laid off after that.
When my father was in the early stages of Alzheimer’s, the hardest thing was getting him to stop driving. He was always a great driver, never even got a speeding ticket, but he was starting to do things crazy . . . like insisting that you can turn LEFT on red. We finally got his doctor to tell him that he shouldn’t drive “for a while.”
But then the real nightmare started, when he became a back seat driver. He’d scream obscenities about not missing a stop sign a block away, or practically grabbing the steering wheel out of my mother’s hands when he thought she should be turning. Then I relocated here to help out, and witnessed his behavior first hand. As soon as he started criticizing my driving, I pulled over and said, “If you don’t like my driving, you can get out and walk. It’s up to you.” I was actually afraid that he’d take me up on it, because he’d never be able to find his way home. But miraculously he did shut up.
I drive a semi all day every day in a congested downtown area. I have a guy who rides with me to help unload the truck and he yells at other drivers and makes gestures at them all the time. If someone changes lanes in front of us he’s flipping them off and yelling racial slurs. If someone runs a light just after it turns red he’s calling them an idiot and waving his arms around like he’s trying to direct air traffic. God forbid if someone should ever yell anything at us or flip us off, then he REALLY goes off. Even just a minor exchange to give someone right of way at an unmarked intersection in a parking lot drives him crazy.
I know I’m the biggest thing on the road and I know I could “win” at road rage. That’s exactly why I am the zen master behind the wheel, and I really don’t appreciate him trying to pick fights with other drivers.
My BF, who doesn’t even have a driver’s license, is guilty of pointing out any time I slow down and stop for a yellow light “you could have made that.”
I always ask, “Did I stop safely? Because that’s what you’re supposed to do at a yellow light. If you can stop safely, that’s what you do. You aren’t supposed to accelerate through a yellow light.”
He kept doing it so the last time it happened I simply said, “Don’t tell me that anymore. I don’t want to hear it.”
It’s not like I’m slamming on the brakes and coming to a screeching halt by any means, by the way. Just stopping if I feel like I can come to a complete stop safely, which I always do.
Missy, you have the patience of a saint. I think I’d have tossed him out of the car while driving.
My husband makes me nervous, so I flinch once in awhile involuntarily, but otherwise I keep my mouth shut. I make him nervous too though and he usually has the good sense to keep it to himself.
I do speak up when he flips someone off though. Too many people are armed these days.
My wife’s big thing is critiquing the route I choose. As I’m about to turn, she’ll yell “Don’t turn!” and I’ll wrench the car back into traffic and ask “What? Did we almost hit someone?” “Oh, I just thought it’d be better to take Police Street.” Or after I make a turn, “Well, now we’re shit out of luck.” and when I ask why she’ll say “The Antelope Freeway’ll be much too busy this time of day.”
So in addition to telling her that it’s not safe to interrupt my driving, I’ve learned to mention the route as we’re backing out of the driveway: “So, thought I’d take the Antelope to Mulholland, a hard right down Big Tujunga Canyon, then a right, a left, a left, another right, a left to the body, a right, and into a gas station.” That way she can say “But we can’t get there from there… you’d better take Pico to Alverado.” And, voila, no drama in the middle of traffic.
I was about to tell the OP to stop whining until I saw that the person (s)he’s complaining about has no license. Totally on board! Missy, why did your husband lose his license?
My boyfriend is really bad about this. I like it when he reminds me about certain things, because sometimes I forget my brights at night. But I don’t need suggestions about when to turn or put on my turn signal! I mentioned it to him and he’s getting better, thankfully.
I’ve only backseat-driven him once. We each have our own car, but he was driving my car while I was the passenger one day and brake-checked a tailgater. I yelled that if he ever did that again, that would be the last time I let him drive my car. He hasn’t done it since.
Here’s my problem: You know all of those really bad drivers out there on the road? Most of them think they’re really good drivers and I wish they had someone in the car with them pointing out that they’re not.
So it is hard for me to know without personal observation which backseat drivers are assholes and which are attempting to provide a boon to mankind.
Personally, I think years of doing casual carpool (as a passenger) in the San Francisco Bay Area cured me of this habit. Every day in a different car with a different driver and the rules are:
Don’t talk unless the driver starts it.
Don’t eat.
Don’t complain about what’s on the radio.
Over those years I experienced some horrible and scary driving (both too aggressive and too timid) and never once said a word. In fact, once everybody was so resigned to the rules that when the driver drove past the exit where everybody gets dropped off it was another several miles before any of us said “uh, do you know where you’re going.” Turned out it was her first time doing it and she didn’t realize that there was a standard drop off spot and not that we would all find our way on from her place of employment.
After court, lawyer ddn’t tell him his license needed to be reinstated via Sec. of State with a payment so he didn’t do it. Figured he was ok.
Got pulled over and arrested for driving on a suspended that he thought was ok (see number 3). Needed a hearing with Secretary of State to get it reinstated and a lawyer - couldn’t afford it.
Got another DUI combined with driving on a suspended, license got revoked.
Got caught driving on a revoked.
Items 1-4 were right before he met me eighteen years ago, item 5 was about seven or eight years ago, item 6 was two years ago.
