This wedding sounds made in heaven for severalsubmissions to the url=www.etiquettehell.com website – Tacky Invitations, Gift Grab, and of course Weddings from Hell, although perhaps Just Plain Tacky might cover it all.
I think you should take bambi and *eve, though, as Mrs. Bear_Napples and the other Mrs. Bear_Napples!! Heck, what’s a little polygamy among cousins? 
Bear_Napples (Oh, like you didn’t know we’d start calling you this when you posted it!) I too think you need to take both Bambi and Eve to the wedding. One could be the Mrs. and one could be the Mrs. mommer.
“We brung mommer along cuz she don’t git a chance to git out much.”
We’ll let Bambi and Eve fight it out over who gets to be whom.
I recall the backwoods wedding where I served as reluctant bridesmaid in a teal shepherdess dress. The rehearsal dinner consisted of Kentucky Fried Chicken. No plates, no napkins, just a bucket of KFC and a roll of paper towels.
Now backwoods funerals are really entertaining. Junior, a distant cousin, was on compassionate leave from the county jail to attend his uncle’s funeral. Junior felt that the graveside service was the perfect place to hit on my mother with a sassy and suave, “ah aw-ways did like red-haids.”
Ooh, drag! I love drag. As an aside, swampbear, I’m a bear like Bear isn’t. To be specific, I’m a gay guy. I just like the name Bambi. Bambi was a boy too, you know.
Oh, that’s even better, Bambi! Bear_Napples can take Eve as Mrs. Bear_Napples and you can go along as Mr. Bear_Napples! Hey, you got married in Massachusetts!
Well, personally Bambi I think you’d make a perfectly lovely Mrs. Bear_Napples.
Oh, and I already had that other part all figured out. 
Oh Mama Tiger that is just too too too perfect! I bow before your genius.
I’d be willing to bet the bride and groom would think Massachusettes is a foreign country.
Loving this thread!
Tea…everywhere. Shirt, bra, jeans, keyboard, monitor, desk, down into the pen cup: everywhere.
Thanks.
Oh great … just sent a link to this thread to my S/O, McDeath to give him a chuckle, and he told me to laugh now, because his family reunion this summer will be a lot like this couple’s wedding!
:eek:
If Bear_Napples showed up with that, he’d be talked about as the rich relations puttin’ on airs with his fancy vittles.
‘Sides, we all knows it aint’ countryfied cookin’ unless that thur casserole has a tater-chip crust.
That is less’n yew kin crumble up a sleeve of saltines or them ritz crackers on it.
Ritz?
Thems next to the g-nerics? 
You must shop at that fancy Hoggly Woggly. 
Well, that was a waste of my 666th post. :dubious:
[quoteOh Mama Tiger that is just too too too perfect! I bow before your genius.[/quote]
Why, thankee kindly, Sir Swampy. We aims to please.
My grandmother once fixed a casserole in which a staple ingredient was mayonnaise, and lots of it – two cups, as I recall. That would be perfect for this reception!
Dammit! Twice in one thread!
Preview is your friend. Preview is your friend. Preview is your friend.
Well dagnabbit woman! If yer gonna fix fer a weddin’ recepshun yew needs ta use the fancy ingreediants. This ain’t no tahm fer scrimpin!
Why Mizz Mama Tiger you all are just entirely too welcome.
We got an in-vite once to what was clearly described on the invitation as a “Wedding and Pig Roast”. I thought it sounded like a damn good idea, myself.
Bad poetry is a staple of the redneck wedding. When one of my friends got married (it was a bit classier than the OP, but the reception did feature fried chicken from Hardee’s), there was bad, poorly-scanning poetry on just about every available surface.
I used to play the piano at weddings when I was growing up in Asscrack, KY, and I can assure you that the drunken redneck brawl is a vast improvement over the standard wedding in that part of the country. That wedding features a brief, entirely unoriginal service at the church, followed by a reception at the fellowship hall with cake, those little mints, a punch made of Hawaiian Punch, 7-up, and lime sherbet (no booze–they’re good Baptists, you see), and absolutely no one having a good time. Give me a pig in the ground, some beer on ice, and all my rowdy friends any day of the week.