Bad bad bad Internet

Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share
1

Dear Internet:

I hate you. You have caused me more consternation than I deserve.
I blindly walked right into your cloyingly simple premise.
It sounds better than Willie Wonkas Chocolate factory.

Come on in here, beck. There are wonders to behold! Fun things to learn about. Neat things to look up. Click here, click there.
Pictures and pictures and pictures. Mostly of cats, but still.
Diseases to worry about getting. Recipes to try. Things to buy and buy and buy. Click, click, click. Scams to avoid. Creepers to watch out for.
Oh, this is getting ugly.

Oh, yeah and friends to make.

You know, you learn about them. You revel in their good news. Cry with them over their losses. Share secrets and information.
Love them. And they love you back.
Just like a real friend.

And all of a sudden it’s gone.
Maybe your server malfunctioned?
Maybe you forgot to pay the bill?
Maybe the world came to an end?

You’d look it up. But you have no service. Dammit Google you two-timing witch. Why you do me this way?

I’d quit you in a New York minute.
But I’d have to give up the Straight Dope.

Can’t do that. At. All.

I love you Internet.

Love, beck

2

Excellent… Let the hate flow through you, Beck. Your journey to the Dark Side is almost complete!

3

I remember our early days of Internet. I’d read the jokes and seen the clever cartoons about wandering around, clicking links in links, forgetting what the original search was, and figuring I was above all that.

Uh, no.

Now, I remember sitting hunched over the keyboard, my neck and back hurting, my head aching, my feet absolutely frozen, and the rest of my body developing a thin coating of frost. I’d think, “Okay, I’ll look at just one more link.”

And I’d notice it was past 2 AM.

You IDIOT! Go to bed!

~VOW