Bad lies to children

Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share
81

My family rarely tries to pass off whoppers to the younger kids. One exception was when my sister asked where suede came from, and my Mom told her it was the sinn of an animal called the suede and was raised in giant ranches in Arizona and New Mexico. I was in the room and immediately chimed in to pile it higher and deeper. We had her going for about 10 minutes before she finally caught on when my mom told her the reason it was all ranched in the desert was because if if rained the entire herd would get waterspots and be ruined.

The sad part was that she was a jr or sr in HS at the time, and wanted to study fashion in college.

82

If stories told to siblings (while they were children) count, I’ve got one I’m rather proud of.

She was about 10, give or take. I’m three years older.

The morning newspaper had come in, and on the front page(? Might have been the “travel” section), was a color photo of an old guy in 1800s prospector garb, leading a leaden burro through somewhere in the Sierra Nevadas, or in Yosemite, or something. (We’re in California.)

I don’t know how I got the idea, but it came fast—right after my sister asked who the guy in the photo was.

“Him? Oh, he’s the corpse collector.”

You see, during the gold rush, many thousands of people had come over the mountains to California. Of course, not all of them made it through alive. Many perished, and high up in the mountains, it being so cold and dry, the bodies remained naturally preserved almost indefinately, becoming buried in snow each winter, but just uncovered enough with the snowmelt every spring to be visible. Y’know, kinda like the “Iceman” in Austria.

So, it was this guy’s job (my sister told me recently that I said it was a decades-old family business) to go up into the mountains every spring, find any bodies that had been exposed that season, load them onto the back of his mule, and cart them back down to the ranger’s station. This was so that visitors wouldn’t have to stumble across corpses themselves, and, since the bodies were usually so well preserved, to try to identify them so they could be sent to any next of kin. (And he could tell by clothing and whatnot that these were 150 year old bodies, not recent ones.)

The guy used a mule because that was really the only practical way to cart things around the rough trails in the mountains. And no, of course there weren’t any pictures of the bodies on his mule—you’d need to get the family’s permission to show pictures of the deceased, and that really isn’t appropriate content for the front page of a newspaper anyway.

Thing is, apparently, I didn’t really think my sister believed me, so I didn’t bother to tell her I was joshing. So I forgot about it. But my sister, it seems, had believed me. And about a year later, brought up the corpse-collecter story to my mom in a conversation about the mountains. And was shocked, shocked to learn that it wasn’t so.

Heh-heh-heh. :smiley:

83

I have a brother who is two years older than me, and a sister who is nine years younger than me. In my defense…my older brother started it!

First off, he somehow got my little sister to believe that she wasn’t growing; rather, the house was shrinking. She believed that for a while…

Once, she had this black purse which was actually black fabric over a shiny gold insert thingy. You could see the gold glittering faintly through the fabric.

Her: “Look! Sparklies!”
Me: “What? There isn’t anything sparkly…”
::repeat as necessary::

Years later, she told me that she was going crazy trying to figure out whether she was hallucinating or I was lying. :smiley:

84

My paternal grandfather used to tell stories to my older brother and sister and myself all the time.
Since I was the youngest, my brother(3 years older) and sister(2 years older) would catch on that he was telling “tall tales” and start playing along with him, much to their delight, and my chagrin.
He used to tell us that he could fly(had a magic broom), could turn himself invisible(that’s how he knew when we misbehaved), and various other things that I no longer remember.
Man, I miss him. Wish he hadn’t died when I was a senior in high school. I think he would have been fun to hang around with as an adult.

As far as being on the giving end of a lie to a child:
Two of my childhood buddies, who I have known since first grade, had a much younger half-brother(their father had re-married when we were around 10/12 y.o.).
When we were juniors or seniors in high school, Phillip(the younger brother) was probably around 6/7 y.o. and their beagle, Ginger, was pregnant. One day I was at their house horsing around and Phil was in the front yard with Ginger. We were discussing the impending delivery when for no other reason than it seemed like a fun thing to do, I told Phil that if he put his ear close to Ginger he could hear the puppies.

Really, he says?

Really, says I, but not just anywhere.

To hear them he would have to put his ear on her butt-hole since this was the only place the sound would come out. We went back and forth with him asking questions and me trying my best to keep a straight face and get him to put his ear on her butt. He got this close to actually doing it, but chickened out at the last second.

Many years later when he was a senior in high school I ran into him and we started talking and I asked him if he remembered this incident.
He claims to not remember me almost talking him into putting his ear on a dogs butt-hole. Can you imagine the embarrassment factor/leverage I would have had over him if only he wouldn’t have wised up at the last second? Hey, if you can’t embarrass childhood friends and their siblings when you get older you didn’t try hard enough…Yes, they do have things they can hold over me as well :eek:

85

Not my child, but I was over at a friend’s house last night and their neighbor was there with his five year old child. This friend has a Roomba vacuum cleaner and while we were eating he turned it on to clean up the floor. The kid was facinated by the roomba and kept asking about it and had it explained to him that it was robot for cleaning the house.

Naturally I had to say, “You know, all robots eventually go crazy and kill people.”

The kid said, “Yeah, I saw that movie.” For the rest of the night he wouldn’t go anywhere for fear that the Roomba was waiting to get him.

The way I see it is as long as it’s not my kid I’m free to psychologically scar them as much as possible.

86

Okay, that had me in stitches for about three minutes. I love crazy images like that. Especially the one from that Blackadder episode where Queeney says: ‘I may have the body of a weak and feeble woman, but I have the the heart and stomach of a concrete elephant.’ This one is almost as good!

87

One time I told my brother to close his eyes because I wanted to show him something. I took him outside. He should have gotten suspicious when I led him to a spot but then started telling him, “Now, take a step to your left, okay a half a step back to your right, forward just a bit…Okay, look down.”

Of course, he was standing in dog crap.

88

Melrose Place, Hell, same difference.

89

Simple! That way the river won’t run out of water :wink:
I just remembered an old one that got me in trouble.
I told The Kid that regular milk comes from white cows and chocolate milk comes from brown cows.

90

I my two brothers used to scare our younger sister all the time. This is only the natural order of things of course. We once scared her by telling her that there were ghosts of Indians (Native Americans) in the woods near our house. That had her started, then we hid in the woods and started making warhoops and other noises. She went hysterical, and wouldn’t go near the woods for years. Another story is one of my own making. I told her that the Sun is a giant comet and was getting closer to the Earth every day. That’s why it’s bigger at sunset. I said it could hit at any time. She knew what comets are and knew that they orbited the Sun, but didn’t know that I was full of it.

I have more siblings now that are still young, but they seem to have avoided attaining the ability to be fooled. Sometimes I can get them, but they just give me and others a :dubious: or :rolleyes: and run off. Damn little skeptics. Where is the innocence of their childhood?

My five year old sister, a different one from the I told about before, has the ability to tell great bullshit stories. I’ll have to guide her.

91

my parents convinced me at a young age that bread was a desert item. they woud tell the waiters to bring it at the end of the meal so that we wouldn’t spoil our dinner.

when I was about 12 and went out to dinner with another family, I was shocked and exclaimed “Oh, we are having dessert first?” when the waiter brought the bread.

92

Some funny posts here but josejones’ nearly killed me. I was laughing so hard I started choking. Almost peed my pants, too.
I was also one of those kids that were told that they had been left by Gypsies. When I misbehaved, I was told that I was going to be given to the next Indian (as in Native American) that came to the door. I was always disappointed that one never showed up because I had always wanted to be an Indian.
When I was about six my older brother fell off the back of a motorcycle and had a large gash on the back of his head that had to be sutured. Another brother said that some of his brains had come out and they had to sew them back in. One evening at dinner I had to get up from the table to get something and as I was going to sit back down I walked behind that brother and saw his stitches for the first time. The wound was very nasty looking, it was red and puffy and I thought it was his brains coming out. I think I almost fainted, I barely made it back to my chair and then I couldn’t eat because I thought I was going to throw up.

93

well, this wasn’t a lie told to a child per se, just an extremely gullible young woman…

i was able to convince one of my best freinds that…

Mohair comes from small, rodentlike animals called “Mo’s”

you know how the moon is big and orange when it’s low in the sky?.. well, not many people know this, but sometimes Mars and the Moon switch places…, see that big red thing in the night sky?, that’s actually Mars!

this is the same young woman who responded “no” when we asked if she was a carbon-based lifeform, or if she was sentient

the funniest one in my memory had to be this though…

to set this one up, one of the running jokes in New Englander (Yankee, specifically) culture is that “fromawayers” (people who are not from Maine, New Hampshire, or Vermont) cannot say Ayuh correctly, no matter how hard they try, they’ll never get the inflection right…

myself, Ed, Esther, and Danielle (the gullible one) were all out skiing, on the previous run we were teasing Danielle because her skis were too short
the next ride up the lift, i turned to Ed and said "y’know, i just realized this, i can say ayuh, i’m a native, you can say ayuh correctly, and you’re from England, Esther can say it correctly, and English isn’t even her native language, she’s from Hungary, Danielle, you’re only from New Jersey, why can’t you say ayuh properly?

direct quote from Danielle, after a few seconds of deliberation…

“i can’t say ayuh, my skis are too short”

…

hmm, what does that have to do with anything
no, no, guys, that’s not what i mean…
ahhhh, so your’e saying things you don’t mean now…
guys, c’mon, that’s not fair…

it’s something she’ll never live down, Ed and I still tease her about it…

94

You have inspired me to start lying to my 4 year old. Honey, see, it’s all their fault!
Here’s what I started with… Last night we had to give him a suppository, and I noticed how he hates taking them. So today, as he yet again refused to eat his dinner, I said “I don’t care, if you don’t eat with your mouth we’ll feed you through your butt”. Wow :slight_smile: worked like a charm. Thanks guys!

95

When I was about 14 and my sister was nine, she heard me listening to the Beatles’ song “Eight Days a Week”. She said, “Eight days a week? That’s weird; there’s only seven days.” I explained to her that the Beatles were British, so they used the metric system. And as we all know, the metric week has eight days.

When we were aged 8 and 3, my mother sometimes would leave us in the car for a few minutes while she went into a store (this was in a smallish town 20 years ago, so we were safe). Every time she did that, as soon as Mom was out of sight I’d start telling my sister, “Mommy’s gone to Mexico and she’s never comng back.” She’d start crying and when my mom got back a few minutes later she could never understand why she was so upset. The funny part was, this routine worked on my sister every single time for probably a year, even though Mommy was always back within minutes.

I was so mean!

96

Our mom caused my sister and me to believe that the ice cream truck was “the music truck.” That is, all it did was drive around the town playing music for people.

How indignant we were when the other neighborhood kids explained that we could procure ice cream from the “music truck.” From then on we had to get ice cream every time it passed by.

97

My mother-in-law turns out to have been quite innovative with the facts of the world.

She told my wife at a very young age (God, I hope she doesn’t read this!) that whenever she told a lie, Mommy could tell, because there would be butterflies in her eyes.

So from then on, when lying, my wife would close her eyes so Mommy wouldn’t see the butterflies.

But her most amazing achievement was this:

Knowing that her very young daughter did not like fish, Mom-in-law told my wife that that is what the white truck with the jingly bells that roamed the neighborhood was selling.

“Then why are all the children chasing after it?”

“Because their parents are forcing them to go buy fish. You want me to send you out there for fish?”

“No!”

And from then on, until her younger brother called “bullshit” on the same story, my wife would run and hide wheneer the ice cream man drove by.