Come on, you bastards! I want the world to end before my unemployment runs out!
I want to be able to get really drunk, otherwise, I’ll be all cross and won’t be able to enjoy the afterlife.
Well, you know, as September approaches they’ll announce some more technical issues have come up–another few months delay, folks–one thing will lead to another, there will be more delays, and then they’ll finally announce that the LHC will for sure, no fooling be coming on line at full power for real…
Actually, the LHC has really been up and running and producing results for months now. All of this is just an extraordinarily elaborate prank the scientist types are playing on the New Agers and assorted Doomsday cultists.
MEBuckner, you’re right that the LHC has been up and running for months… but they’re not hiding it as a joke. The results have been so enigmatic and disturbing that the black hole stories were disseminated as a red herring to throw the doomsday cultists off the scent. It’s a lot weirder than that in reality. Mentions of ‘heaven portals’ and ‘enigmatic causality loops’ are only a small sampling of what I’ve heard from my cousin’s girlfriend’s brother-in-law’s maid, whose husband is a janitor at CERN.
I can’t believe it’s been postponed again. I think my creditors are starting to realize that I have no intention of ever paying them back… This thing had better destroy the world soon, dammit.
I wish the end of the world as well. I want to be able to say I was right. 
…but to whom would I say it??? :smack:
Unfortunately, in a black hole, you never get to the afterlife.
When you think about it, it’s surprisingly like limbo. Except for the masive tidal forces which will rip you down to your component atoms. And fewer pagan babies. Otherwise, exactly the same.
Did you and I go to the same Catholic school? 
The Disney movie would disagree with you.
Man that was a trippy ending for a kids movie.
IIRC, it was about $5 per soul to save pagan babies. I’m thinking it must be really pricey to ship holy water into all those starving and draught-stricken regions of Africa. And then of course they had to shoot the natives who tried to get at the water to drink it – can’t have holy water desecrated for such mundane uses.
$5 bucks !!!
In my time, you could buy a Chinese baby for a quarter. You guys were getting scammed !
The whole baby? Wow, you could sell it for parts! Yup, those Catholic prests were scammers from the get go.
Do you make holy water by boiling the hell out of it?
You misspelled “quarks & leptons.”
You have to wonder. If they had already turned it on, and in fact opened some other-worldly portal or crated a balck hole that will be the end of us…would they tell us?
It’s like when you fuck up at work but it is something that no one will catch, you can’t be blamed for etc - do you out yourself? So, if you created a black whole, its going to kill us all anyway right? So, why say anything? Just let it ride.
I would be fairly suspicious if any of those LHC guys were suddenly volunteering for long ass missions to Mars.
Has anybody done the hypothetical on how long a black hole would take to screw the planet if it did happen? I need to know just in case I can get away with not planning Xmas cards this year.
Hey, you even had your choice of a girl or a boy, although I came to wonder later on about how the Catholic Church would get the money to them in Communist China ? Maybe that is why they switched to African kids, especially with that whole decolonization thing going (early 60s).