Bad sex awards

Oh my, oh my. My sex life is boring. I too want to be an aryan warlord, to have a girlfrind with a designer pussy going at it with Bugatti momentum, and comming in pints after pints. Even, wasn’t I hopelessly male have a go at this wriggling, still alive bearded mussel. However though I keep misplacing my carkeys, I don’t think I’ve ever been so distracted I forgot it up someones pussy.

“As your hands roam her back, her breasts, and trace the swastika on her mound you start feeling like an ancient Aryan warlord yourself…”
“In fact he keeps on and on ejaculating, there’s loads of the stuff, out it all comes, pint after pint[…]”
“When she and Victoria had done it, it had been like trying out some strange Japanese cuisine, something that wriggled, still alive, in a dish. Or having to swallow the contents of a bearded mussel attached to a rock […]”
“[…] and began to probe her vaginal canal, as if he was searching for lost car keys”

Link

  • Rune

Oh, my. And I thought some of the fan fiction I read was bad.

Okey dokey then, just checking to make sure no-one had covertly videotaped my encounter with a young lady last night.

Please continue.

Damn. And I thought this link was going to be stories about people having bad sex. sigh I have lots of those.

You mean my ex-wife has to give it back?

Is this also known as the “Vogon Poem of the Year Awards”?

Artemis’ Lover … written by a 14-year-old hermaphrodite (or so he claims) who engages in mutual masturbation with his cat. It’s his fantasy about having sex with the white male cat from Sailor Moon. I swear I’m not making this up.

Huh.

Never knew I could give up the will to live that fast.

Thanks for the link for this year’s winners, WinstonSmith. Believe it or not, they’re not as bad as some of those in the past.

I don’t know of a complete archive of them, but if somebody happens to find one, please post the link here.

Should I be disappointed or not that I usually know where my car keys are?

Pippin: It comes in pints?

haha, Vogons…

Why, oh, why did I click on this thread???

Good lord…I remember the MiSTing of this, years back.

Not only does true Evil live…but now, we as see, it will never die.