Amen! I’ve lived in the US my entire life, but I feel this way as well. Just let me eat in peace! If getting rid of tipping would get rid of being pestered all the time, then let’s by all means get rid of it! My husband, on the other hand, will tip generously if his soda/ice tea glass is kept full at all times. Even he has been annoyed by some waitstaff who come around and ask how everything is way, way too much!
Yes. This was always my philosophy when I was a waiter. These people don’t come here to talk to me or in search of a new best friend. After all the initial greeting/drink orders/specials/taking of orders/delivery of food rigmarole, I would check in once, after they’d had their food for a couple of minutes, in order to make sure they got everything and it was all up to snuff. After that, I’d remain in the general vicinity to be able to keep an eye on drink levels and to be summonable at need…but for the most part, I wouldn’t go back to the table for no good reason until it was time to bus plates and offer dessert menus.
Curiously, management almost always hated this and would tell me I needed to be at the table more - not, as far as I could tell, based on customer complaints, just on their own perceptions. I’d say, “I’m only serving them the way I like to be served when I’m in a restaurant.”
I am a bit biased as I mentioned before, my husbands make most of his money in fine dining. However, I really do think that customer service would suffer greatly if tipping was no longer the custom. In his frustration, my husband will sometimes come home and say…I busted my butt for these people…they had me running all night, wanted to sample three different house wines, needed extra this and that…I listened to their BS stories, gave them advice on other good places to eat and they left me 10%. Now he may be a jerk but I know if he was working for a flat $10 or $20 per hour, there is no way he would buddy up to people like this but would simply do his job with a smile and move on just like any other food service worker that doesn’t work for tips. In his mind, he is playing a part and that part is to work hard for the customer for monetary rewards. That is the system we have.
Though, I’d bet he also has customers that come in, order off the menu without needing a State of the Union address on each dish, order an expensive bottle of wine, say fine when asked how the meal was, create absolutely no problems - and tip over 20% for his few visits to the table over the course of two hours.
Some people are consistently lousy tippers (10% or less). Some people are consistently great tippers (20% or more). I’d be willing to bet that there is a huge middle ground of people who base their tip off any number of variables from how much their date laughed at their jokes to the quality of service - but still almost always tip adequately.
That’s the thing. Restaurant customers are all over the map. Some want you to give them a back rub and tickle their tummy throughout the meal, and you might as well wear a large utility belt filled with extra of everything and don’t bother walking away from the table because as soon as you turn around that has some mysterious effect on people that causes them to say “oh, and…”
Other customers get pissed off if you don’t hide away from their sight while telepathically listening for the instant they want their check.
Gauging the customer is why I always thought I deserved to make more than at Taco Bell, but I realize quality of service is all over the map too.
Well, the other way to look at it is the food is 20% less than it would be. I can’t prove that though. When these tipping threads come up, people frequently say “why not just raise prices and be done with it?”
Evidently, that’s just not how the American restaurant business model works. Restauranteurs don’t like paying their servers very much, and customers like the flexi-payment system. Not all obviously. 
It’s a simple thing, but to me the sign of a good server is how the drinks are handled. If I order iced tea with a meal, I go through a lot of it. It bothers me if that glass goes empty, and it pisses me off if I have food on my plate and have to go hunting for a waitress to get a refill on my drink. That’s a big tip-killer right there.
It’s okay with me to have a server ask me if I’d like a refill, although I’m not thrilled about having conversation interrupted all the time.
I’m happier with a server who can catch my eye and hold up a pitcher. I nod, my glass gets refilled, and everyone’s happy. Bartenders are good at this. One I’ve ordered my first drink in the bar, all the bartender has to do is gesture.
A really good server will keep my glass full without me even noticing. If, at some point during the meal, I say “how did that glass get refilled?” you’re getting a BIG tip.
In places where I’m a regular, there are some waitresses that just set a carafe on the table when I walk in the door for lunch, and we laugh about it.
The whole faux-friendly thing is usually okay. No big deal either way. But the talkative server who seems to have nothing else to do can really drive me nuts. I went into a bar the other day and sat at a table (signal one: if I want to chat with strangers, I’ll sit at the bar). I ordered a drink and opened up a book (signal two: do NOT talk to me while I’m reading). The waitress showed up with the drink and started in with, “What are you reading? Plato, huh? I never read any Plato stuff, but my best friend in college had to read something about logic and had a Plato book and told me it was really hard to follow and…”
Dammit, woman! Go back to work and leave me alone. I’m here to have a drink and read my book and wait for my friend who isn’t arriving for another half-hour. Grrrrr.
Ah yes. The customer who requires mind-reading. I’m familiar with you. 
I had this one customer who came in everyday and sat in my section because I was her handler. She did not like to order. It’s the same thing each time. “Know it!” She did not want to say she needs a full pitcher of water with three lemon wedges in it. “Know it!”
She tipped exactly the same amount each time too. I think it was 10%, but can’t remember. It was a reliable 10% though.
I was her waiter. She’d leave if she didn’t get her table in my section.
Unless the server forces me not to through gross negligence or incompetence, I always tip at least 20 percent. If things are slammed and my stuff isn’t coming out as quickly as it maybe should, and the server gives me so much as the, “I’m sorry. We’re really busy and the kitchen’s backed up. I’ll have your food out to you as soon as I can,” and that looks to be remotely believable, it doesn’t affect the tip at all. If the server is still being attentive despite the fact that it’s busy, the tip goes up accordingly.
People who short tip are exactly the same kind of lowlifes who refuse to wear a suit for any reason. Believe it or not, there are lots of people who can’t be bothered to dress up for a nice dinner out, the theater or even a wedding. In short, they’re self-important, disrespectful shit stains who think they are the only person in any given environment that matters.
“Oh, I can afford to eat in this nice restaurant but it’s important to me to show how cool/important I am by stiffing the server on the tip.” Go suck a Whopper, you lowlife.
I suppose I put getting food to the table while it’s still hot further up the list of servers duties than you then.
I agree with part of this though. Maybe we should start a movement to make it so that doesn’t happen. Start including the price of the tip in the form of the servers wages then when you get bad service you can have the price of the food removed from the bill. Then management can figure out who the bad servers are quicker and get them out.
You start by saying we don’t know the specifics and you don’t want to make excuses for the server. Then you go and make excuses. None of which really excuse the fact that the server brought cold food to the table for 20.
I agree, unfortunately it is the system in place right now and until we get it changed it is a system the server knows going in. If they are unable to perform well enough to get paid they should probably look for a new line of work.
I made my peace with that years ago. Yes, I’m a bad tipper. Oh well.
The problem with the whole “pay waiters a decent wage and eliminate tipping” thing is that it won’t work.
America has lots of experience with the service industry. We have plenty of stores, fast food places, etc.
And in all of those cases, it is a race to the bottom, in both wages and quality. Waiting tables is one of the few service jobs left that you can feed your family on. But the moment tips are eliminated, their pay will immediately dive to minimum wage, just like every other customer service job has. And with that will come the decline of quality.
“But,” you say, “market forces will take care of that and the demand for good service will keep wages decent.” Not so. Americans swear up and down that they want good customer service. But when push comes to shove, they go to the place that is cheap. This is why big box stores- which we routinely complain about- have come to dominate retail. We talk big, but in the end we want to save that five bucks.
So we won’t pay extra for good service as part of the bill. But for some reason- probably deeply psychological- we are willing to pay for it when it’s a tip.
If you eliminate tips, we will not gain much. You can say “we won!” and pat yourselves on the back for eliminating that “bizarre custom.” But we’ll all lose in the end as more families are pushed into poverty (unlike other countries, you cannot live on American minimum wage) and qualified people leave as fast as possible.
even sven, I believe the unspoken addendum to “Abolish Tipping!” is “And pay the staff a liveable wage instead”, not “Abolish tipping and continue to pay them $4 an hour*”
*Or whatever paltry and insignificant amount they currently get as a “minimum wage”
I think with the elderly, it’s not so much the percentage but rather the dollar total that throws them off. I mean, they must know about inflation, but back when I was delivering pizza in college, some oldsters would tip a quarter thinking that it was something quite generous. “Here you go, sonny, now you can buy a new suit, and take your gal downtown to see a show, and have enough left over for dinner afterward and carfare home”.
Basically, they’re not thinking “I’m tipping 5% on a $20 meal”, but rather “I’m tipping a dollar, and it’s a lot of money.”
Yeah, here’s my waitering breakdown, at the risk of offending:
African Americans: No tip. At all. Why should I?
Women: Let’s start at 20% and start deducting if you don’t please me. Now it’s 17%. Now it’s 15%. Now it’s 12%. Now it’s 11.253%.
Old people and mid-western tourists: Here’s a dollar sonny, go buy yourself something nice. “Uh, you just spent $100 on that steak & lobster. Gee, thanks.”
Men (in general): Sorry you have to wait on me. Here’s 15%. Buddy: dude, no way make it 20%. Other buddy: I’ll top that. Here’s 25%.
French people: We do not tip in our country. Therefore, I am informing you up front that we are not going to tip you. Your country really needs to become more civilized. I don’t why we even bothered to vacation here.
?? 
Compared with … which countries?
I delivered pizza for a number of years while in college. I never once received a tip from a black customer. Not even a penny. If the pizza was $9.99, and the price was $10, they would hold out their hand to receive the penny change.
On July 24th of this year it goes up to $7.25. Full time that’s $14,000 a year. It isn’t huge money nor would I want to raise a family on a single $14,000 a year income - but quite honestly, we did a pretty good job of getting minimum wage raised in the last few years. And a lot of minimum wage jobs aren’t stead full time, so you are trying to string together full time hours from several jobs…
Jan 1, 1978 $2.65 for all covered, nonexempt workers
Jan 1, 1979 $2.90 for all covered, nonexempt workers
Jan 1, 1980 $3.10 for all covered, nonexempt workers
Jan 1, 1981 $3.35 for all covered, nonexempt workers
Apr 1, 1990 $3.80 for all covered, nonexempt workers
Apr 1, 1991 $4.25 for all covered, nonexempt workers
Oct 1, 1996 $4.75 for all covered, nonexempt workers
Sep 1, 1997 $5.15 for all covered, nonexempt workers
Jul 24, 2007 $5.85 for all covered, nonexempt workers
Jul 24, 2008 $6.55 for all covered, nonexempt workers
Jul 24, 2009 $7.25 for all covered, nonexempt workers
I have heard this African American tipping problem before and attempted to research it. I found this study. The Tipping Divide : NPR
It is interesting because my husband said there is no difference between his tips from white, black, yellow or red but as this study shows, it is more about not understanding than being cheap.
I disagree with this. If you go to a restaurant planning to pay $200 for a meal you have a certain expectation. Perhaps you don’t have many questions but the “show” is still put on for you. The crumbs are swept up between courses, a wine is recommended to compliment your dinner choice, you expect your waiter to be more attentive and accessible than say a Denny’s waiter. Your wine glass is refilled, your napkins replaced, new silverware with each course…
Now perhaps some people don’t desire this kind of service but it is still comes with the job as there is no way of knowing who will deduct for not getting the service expected for their $30 tip.
I re-read what I wrote (what you quoted), Lev, and I don’t see where anything akin to mind-reading is required. Let me summarize:
If my drink is empty, catch my eye and see whether I want a refill instead of interrupting our conversation to ask. Do NOT ignore my empty glass. If I’m sitting at a table by myself reading a book, I probably don’t want to chitchat with a stranger.
Do that, and I’m happy, and I tip well.
If you happen to figure out after refilling my glass three times and watching me drain it yet again that just MAYBE I’m drinking a lot of iced tea today, then just start refilling it without asking.
Do that, and I’m really happy, and I tip even better.
No mindreading required. Very simple. And I think it would work on almost anyone if you substitute coffee (or anything else with free refills) for my iced tea.