Here, on the other hand, is one way of breaking bad news gently. It dates from the early part of the last century – some of you may recognize that the title is mentioned in a James Thurbur story:
No News, or What Killed the Dog
By Nat Mills
A very wealthy man was advised by his physician to go to the mountains for a rest. He said, “You are run down from overwork, too close confinement and tending to your business. The only thing that will restore you to your normal condition is a trip to the mountains, go away where you will forget all about your business and your business associates. Isolate yourself from everyone for a month or six weeks and you may recuperate.”
He went home, told the members of family what the doctor had said, and said, “I’m going to operate on his advice. Now while I’m away I don’t want to be annoyed with letters or telegrams, in fact I’m going where I can’t be reached by either.”
So he went away and was gone about six weeks, returned to the city very much improved in health and very anxious for some news from home. Naturally as he had heard nothing during this time. Got off the train at the station and was met by his colored servant and the following conversation ensued:
He said, “Well Henry, how is everything at home? Is there any news?”
Says, "No Sir, there ain’t no news sir. Says “There ain’t nothing happened. Everything’s just about the same as when you all left.”
Well he said, “You know I am just dying for some word from home now. You can tell me any little thing, no matter how trifling.”
Says, "No sir, ain’t no news sir, ain’t nothing to tell you sir, ain’t nothing happened 'cept ah. . .there’s just one little thing, course it don’t amount to nothing, but long as you are so anxious to know, I’ll tell ya. . .Since you’ve been away your dog died.
Oh, he says, “My dog’s dead eh. Well that’s too bad, what killed the dog?”
“Well sir, the dog, ah, the dog eat some burned horse flesh.”
"And that’s what killed the dog? Eat burnt horse flesh? Where did he get burnt horse flesh to eat?
“Well sir, see your barn burned down. Burned up all the cows and horses and after the fire had cooled off the dog went in and eat some of the burnt horse flesh and that’s what killed the dog.”
“Oh,” he says, “my barn burned down, eh.”
Oh yes sir, the barn, that’s all burned down, the barn."
“Well how did the barn catch fire?”
“Well you see a spark from the house flew over caught onto the barn and burned the barn down, burnt up all the cows and the horses and after the fire had cooled off, the dog went in ate some of the burnt horse flesh and that’s what killed the dog.”
“Oh,” then he says, “my house must have burned too, eh?”
“Oh yes sir. Oh, the house, that’s completely destroyed.”
“Well how did the house catch fire?”
“Well you see they had some candles burning in the house and one of the candles caught on to the lace curtains and curtains caught onto the roof and a spark, a spark few over and caught onto the barn and burned the barn down, burnt up all the cows and the horses and after the fire had cooled off, the dog went in ate some of the burnt horse flesh and that’s what killed the dog.”
“They had candles burning in the house where I have gas and electricity? I never knew a candle in the place.”
Oh yes sir, they had the candles burning all around the coffin."
“Coffin! Who’s dead!”
“Oh yes sir, that’s another little thing I overlooked. Since you’ve been away your mother-in-law died.”
“Oh, my mother-in-law is dead, eh.”
“Yes sir, yes sir, she’s dead alright, no need to worry about that.”
“Well what killed my mother-in-law?”
“Well I don’t know exactly what killed her, sir, but around the neighborhood they say it was from the shock of your wife running away with your chauffeur, but outside of that sir, there ain’t no news.”
why?