You must run in pretty interesting circles. I don’t anyone who even dated a stripper, must less actually married one.
I have a friend who hit thirty and hadn’t ‘caught a man’. After she had been dumped by the latest in a string of guys, her mother introduced her to a friend’s son who had recently been left at the altar. These two sad, humbled, people realized they had each finally found someone who wanted to be married. They didn’t care if they knew each other or liked each other, much the less loved each other. But a wedding quickly ensued.
After the shindig was over, we wedding attendants all got together for drinks. We spent a sad evening making bets on how long the marriage would last. It lasted 5 months, mostly because they both wanted it to work so badly.
So I would say that if your wedding attendants are taking bets on how short your marriage wI’ll be, that is probably a clue that you haven’t found your soul mate.
To cap it all off, the bride got a massive case of hives on the honeymoon.
Wow! That must have been some wedding!
When we were all in our mid-20s, I dated a man (J) who was good friends with a man (M) I knew from school, where we were in several activities together. M was a HS teacher, and had lamented to J that he was having a lot of trouble meeting women. J was brutally honest and told him, “Your social life consists of hanging out in strip clubs. You’re probably not going to meet many women there.” :o Around this same time, M had struck up a friendship with a stripper and was thinking about asking her for a date. J replied, “You’re a teacher. She’s a stripper. Think about it.” Which M did, and he didn’t ask her out.
I found out via Facebook that M finally married in his mid 40s and had a son a couple years later. IDK what happened to J.
Agreed. I was Best Man for a friend from high school and as such, was in charge of the book. You knew things were doomed when family members were placing bets along with the ushers and bridesmaids.
Speaking of taking bets.
My friend likes to tell the story of being Maid of Honor at her best friend’s wedding…the bride confessed to her she had been stashing money in a private bank account “in case things don’t work out”. As you might imagine, the marriage was kaput within 6 months.
Or 2 copies to toss into the bonfire? 
I used to work with a woman whose (now ex-) husband worked for many years as a professional photographer, and he did do a lot of weddings. He later took a job as a guard at the county jail. Guess which job he said was less stressful, and even safer?
Police officer friend of mine told me about a wedding he worked. The groom was heir to a fortune due to his family having owned a well-known business for over a century. The bride was an attractive woman who was doing some modeling to help pay for college. Wedding seemed to go off okay, but at the reception, the couple (not in view of the guests) had a big argument. The groom called his new bride a stupid f-ing c-word. Then the yelling really started. My cop friend walked over toward the couple as he thought he might have to intervene. The best man stepped forward to the cop and said that it was no big deal; they do that all the time. The marriage lasted about a year.
A good sign that the couple is going to stay together for a long time is when the groom already has a half-dozen kids, and they drink Gatorade from a bucket at the reception.
A family member of mine was once a wedding photographer. When she herself got married, she didn’t have a wedding. I wonder if the job made her hate weddings.
A common mistake. The bride marches down the aisle toward the altar while the organ plays a hymn- she’s thinking “Aisle altar hymn” but she won’t be able to.
The idea that WFH photographers own the work and can thus sell and resell and resell material from a private event is just one more layer on the cake of “It’s a Wedding - put all of your money in the bag and back away slowly.” (Written as a some-time commercial photographer, note.)
Anyway, I’ve told the story of the young couple that lived next to us until they split in a spectacular blowup. When I walked through the empty houst (that the parents had bought for them just three years before), the only thing left was a box of wedding memorabilia, album included. Neither wanted it. (No kids.) It hurt to leave it there. Really.
Do I have to do everything around here? ;)
A buddy of mine does white dove releases at funerals. He and his two employees average two funerals a day. He loves funerals.
His two first dove releases were weddings. They were the only weddings he has done. Once he found funerals, he wouldn’t do a wedding for triple his usual fee.
Mom’s friend wedding reception.
Mom’s friend used to always give me hugs and kisses. And for the most part, they were all innocent enough.
Until, that fateful day at the wedding reception. I guess she had one too many because as I was walking by her table, she said to me: “Can’t walk by the bride’s table with out giving her a kiss.”
So I leaned over and attempted to give her a peck like I normally did. Except she turned it into this weird sloppy mouth thing. And then gives me a knowing wink after I abruptly pulled away.
Freaked me the hell out. I was all of 15yo!
Yeah, that marriage didn’t last long.
Bride was getting married to escape her parents.
Groom was getting married because otherwise bride wouldn’t put out.
Their first home (if you can call it that) was her parents’ house. Yep, the same parents she wanted to escape. It’s just one of the many reasons I call her my Idiot Aunt.
We sometimes visit a convent of Clares who do embroidery work. They place bets (no actual money, just a sort of poll) on whether couples will last or not, based on their behavior while ordering. Any couple who is rude to each other, or when the conversation is dominated by one of their mothers, or…
Their conditions include “work done will be charged whether you still want it or not”.
At a wedding officiated by the Justice of the Peace in the atrium of the courthouse, the bride and the groom started beating the shit out of each other. Their families and friends joined in on the [del]festivities[/del] fisticuffs.
Both family court and criminal court were in session that day, so there were enough police on hand to arrest the lot of them and toss them in the tombs until they could stand before that same Justice of the Peace to ask for interim judicial release (bail).
My son brought home his fiance to meet us. After one day, I thought: Ah, shit, he’s marrying his mother.
I went to the wedding, and as I was rocking out with my kids to a Queen song, the bride’s father walks up to me, looks down his nose and says: “You don’t actually like this stuff, do you?”
It lasted a lot longer than I thought it would, probably ten years, but finally took its toll. The prissiness, the religious bullshit, etc. finally drove him away, but not after driving a huge wedge between him and his family. We didn’t speak for nearly three years, thanks to that bitch. He left her for another woman, who is a peach, and things are good in the family again.