Frame her for embezzlement and have her sent to prison
Marry her off to a wealthy landowner with several kids
Write her a big fat check and classify it as a business expense
Write a song about her Wall Street reporting then (presumably) roll over in your grave when she becomes a Fox News shill.
Have David Pecker buy her story then bury it.
Hire her out as a governess and let her new employer deal with the problem.
Take her to a mountaintop and have her spin until she loses all sense of direction.
The cement bath, a la Lips Manliss
Let her sing and spin on a mountaintop, sure, but arrange for the helicopter overhead to come just a bit too low with its razor-sharp blades
Outlaw raindrops on roses, whiskers on kittens, bright copper kettles, warm woollen mittens, cream-colored ponies, crisp apple strudels, doorbells, sleigh bells, and schnitzel with noodles.
Convince Ray A. Dropofgoldensun that she means to kill him, and he’d better not give her the chance
Have her, her husband, and children cross a mountain to get away from the Nazis, only to end up right at Hitler’s summer home (which is what would actually have happened, geographically speaking)
After some inner dialogue, I decided that my offering was too similar to the Professor’s earlier submission…
so I have replaced it as shown below —
How do you solve a problem like Maria?
Frame her for embezzlement and have her sent to prison
Marry her off to a wealthy landowner with several kids
Write her a big fat check and classify it as a business expense
Write a song about her Wall Street reporting then (presumably) roll over in your grave when she becomes a Fox News shill.
Have David Pecker buy her story then bury it.
Have her climb every mountain. That ought to take the spunk out of her.
Take her to a mountaintop and have her spin until she loses all sense of direction.
The cement bath, a la Lips Manliss
Let her sing and spin on a mountaintop, sure, but arrange for the helicopter overhead to come just a bit too low with its razor-sharp blades
Outlaw raindrops on roses, whiskers on kittens, bright copper kettles, warm woollen mittens, cream-colored ponies, crisp apple strudels, doorbells, sleigh bells, and schnitzel with noodles.
Convince Ray A. Dropofgoldensun that she means to kill him, and he’d better not give her the chance
Have her, her husband, and children cross a mountain to get away from the Nazis, only to end up right at Hitler’s summer home (which is what would actually have happened, geographically speaking)
Frame her for embezzlement and have her sent to prison
Marry her off to a wealthy landowner with several kids
Write her a big fat check and classify it as a business expense
Write a song about her Wall Street reporting then (presumably) roll over in your grave when she becomes a Fox News shill.
Have David Pecker buy her story then bury it.
Have her climb every mountain. That ought to take the spunk out of her.
Take her to a mountaintop and have her spin until she loses all sense of direction.
The cement bath, a la Lips Manliss
Let her sing and spin on a mountaintop, sure, but arrange for the helicopter overhead to come just a bit too low with its razor-sharp blades
Outlaw raindrops on roses, whiskers on kittens, bright copper kettles, warm woollen mittens, cream-colored ponies, crisp apple strudels, doorbells, sleigh bells, and schnitzel with noodles.
Convince Ray A. Dropofgoldensun that she means to kill him, and he’d better not give her the chance
Have her, her husband, and children cross a mountain to get away from the Nazis, only to end up right at Hitler’s summer home (which is what would actually have happened, geographically speaking)
Put her in a white dress with a blue satin sash.
A long-ago girlfriend was forced to wear such an outfit once at a family function. She looked just fine to me, but she absolutely hated it.
Also known as the Orca, it’s actually not a whale, but a dolphin. But it is at the top of the marine food chain, living on a varied diet of fish, whales, and, yes, other dolphins.