Things you really don’t want to hear around your Thanksgiving table
“Yeah, the doctors are pretty sure I’m not contagious anymore.”
“What are the signs of botulism poison anyways?”
“It’s soy turkey.”
“Son, your mother and I are getting divorced.”
“Have you read how much fecal matter is found in the meat of factory farm-raised turkey?”
“Let me tell you how I found Jesus as my personal Lord and Savior.”
(As they’re getting up) “You don’t expect us to help clear the table/wash the dishes/put away the leftovers, do you? Football’s on!”
“Hey, wanna hear a dead baby joke?”
“It was just so cute how little Johnny sneezed all over the turkey as it was coming out of the oven! Don’t worry, we wiped it off.”
“Now that I have you all here, I’d like to offer you all a chance to join us in getting great deals on your household items and make money at the same time. AMWAY is a …blah,blah, blah”
Things you really don’t want to hear around your Thanksgiving table
“Yeah, the doctors are pretty sure I’m not contagious anymore.”
“What are the signs of botulism poison anyways?”
“It’s soy turkey.”
“Son, your mother and I are getting divorced.”
“Have you read how much fecal matter is found in the meat of factory farm-raised turkey?”
“Let me tell you how I found Jesus as my personal Lord and Savior.”
(As they’re getting up) “You don’t expect us to help clear the table/wash the dishes/put away the leftovers, do you? Football’s on!”
“Hey, wanna hear a dead baby joke?”
“It was just so cute how little Johnny sneezed all over the turkey as it was coming out of the oven! Don’t worry, we wiped it off.”
“Now that I have you all here, I’d like to offer you all a chance to join us in getting great deals on your household items and make money at the same time. AMWAY is a …blah,blah, blah”
“Now that we’ve finished the pie, I have something to announce. One of you seated here at this table, is a murderer!”
Things you really don’t want to hear around your Thanksgiving table
“Yeah, the doctors are pretty sure I’m not contagious anymore.”
“What are the signs of botulism poison anyways?”
“It’s soy turkey.”
“Son, your mother and I are getting divorced.”
“Have you read how much fecal matter is found in the meat of factory farm-raised turkey?”
“Let me tell you how I found Jesus as my personal Lord and Savior.”
(As they’re getting up) “You don’t expect us to help clear the table/wash the dishes/put away the leftovers, do you? Football’s on!”
“Hey, wanna hear a dead baby joke?”
“It was just so cute how little Johnny sneezed all over the turkey as it was coming out of the oven! Don’t worry, we wiped it off.”
“Now that I have you all here, I’d like to offer you all a chance to join us in getting great deals on your household items and make money at the same time. AMWAY is a …blah,blah, blah”
“Now that we’ve finished the pie, I have something to announce. One of you seated here at this table, is a murderer!”
“Mom, Dad, everybody - I just have to tell you: I’ve decided to have a sex-change operation.”
Things you really don’t want to hear around your Thanksgiving table
“Yeah, the doctors are pretty sure I’m not contagious anymore.”
“What are the signs of botulism poison anyways?”
“It’s soy turkey.”
“Son, your mother and I are getting divorced.”
“Have you read how much fecal matter is found in the meat of factory farm-raised turkey?”
“Let me tell you how I found Jesus as my personal Lord and Savior.”
(As they’re getting up) “You don’t expect us to help clear the table/wash the dishes/put away the leftovers, do you? Football’s on!”
“Hey, wanna hear a dead baby joke?”
“It was just so cute how little Johnny sneezed all over the turkey as it was coming out of the oven! Don’t worry, we wiped it off.”
“Now that I have you all here, I’d like to offer you all a chance to join us in getting great deals on your household items and make money at the same time. AMWAY is a …blah,blah, blah”
“Now that we’ve finished the pie, I have something to announce. One of you seated here at this table, is a murderer!”
“Mom, Dad, everybody - I just have to tell you: I’ve decided to have a sex-change operation.”
“Oh, by the way, little Tommy just started taking violin lessons. Come on, honey, play for everybody!”
New topic: Movies that feature a Thanksgiving dinner