Bakers Dozen

Name an Oscar, real or fictional

  1. Oscar Madison
  2. Oscar Romero, Archbishop of San Salvador
  3. Oskar Matzerath,child protagonist in Gunter Grass’ “The Tin Drum” (German spelling).
  4. Oscar Hammerstein II, writing partner of Jerome Kern and of Richard Rodgers/mentor to Stephen Sondheim
  5. Oscar Wilde
  6. Oscar Pistorius
  7. Oscar Levant
  8. “Oscar” Gordon in Glory Road by Robert Heinlein
  9. Oscar De La Hoya
  10. Oscar Mayer
  11. Oscar the Grouch

Overheard backstage at the Oscars

  1. “Eh, take any envelope out there. No one cares.”
  2. “That concludes the two hour 2016 in memoriam section.”
  3. “Hey, let’s watch Faye Dunaway get thrown under the bus.”
  4. “Do you think the tuxedos can get any shorter and tighter?”
  5. “Didja hear Jeff Bridges say to the President ‘Shut the fuck up, Donny!’?”
  6. We’re wearing the same tuxedo!
  7. “I just saw Steve Harvey backstage. He was saying something about a secret plan to restore his reputation.”
  8. “Hey, I just found an envelope with HILLARY’s name.”
  9. “I thought Denzel was going to kill Casey with his bare hands.”

Name an Oscar, real or fictional

  1. Oscar Madison

  2. Oscar Romero, Archbishop of San Salvador

  3. Oskar Matzerath,child protagonist in Gunter Grass’ “The Tin Drum” (German spelling).

  4. Oscar Hammerstein II, writing partner of Jerome Kern and of Richard Rodgers/mentor to Stephen Sondheim

  5. Oscar Wilde

  6. Oscar Pistorius

  7. Oscar Levant

  8. “Oscar” Gordon in Glory Road by Robert Heinlein

  9. Oscar De La Hoya

  10. Oscar Mayer

  11. Oscar the Grouch

  12. Oskar Schindler
    Overheard backstage at the Oscars

  13. “Eh, take any envelope out there. No one cares.”

  14. “That concludes the two hour 2016 in memoriam section.”

  15. “Hey, let’s watch Faye Dunaway get thrown under the bus.”

  16. “Do you think the tuxedos can get any shorter and tighter?”

  17. “Didja hear Jeff Bridges say to the President ‘Shut the fuck up, Donny!’?”

  18. We’re wearing the same tuxedo!

  19. “I just saw Steve Harvey backstage. He was saying something about a secret plan to restore his reputation.”

  20. “Hey, I just found an envelope with HILLARY’s name.”

  21. “I thought Denzel was going to kill Casey with his bare hands.”

  22. “Emma Stone … hmmm? Emma Stone … that’s not a movie … is it?”

Name an Oscar, real or fictional

  1. Oscar Madison

  2. Oscar Romero, Archbishop of San Salvador

  3. Oskar Matzerath,child protagonist in Gunter Grass’ “The Tin Drum” (German spelling).

  4. Oscar Hammerstein II, writing partner of Jerome Kern and of Richard Rodgers/mentor to Stephen Sondheim

  5. Oscar Wilde

  6. Oscar Pistorius

  7. Oscar Levant

  8. “Oscar” Gordon in Glory Road by Robert Heinlein

  9. Oscar De La Hoya

  10. Oscar Mayer

  11. Oscar the Grouch

  12. Oskar Schindler

  13. Oscar Peterson
    Overheard backstage at the Oscars

  14. “Eh, take any envelope out there. No one cares.”

  15. “That concludes the two hour 2016 in memoriam section.”

  16. “Hey, let’s watch Faye Dunaway get thrown under the bus.”

  17. “Do you think the tuxedos can get any shorter and tighter?”

  18. “Didja hear Jeff Bridges say to the President ‘Shut the fuck up, Donny!’?”

  19. We’re wearing the same tuxedo!

  20. “I just saw Steve Harvey backstage. He was saying something about a secret plan to restore his reputation.”

  21. “Hey, I just found an envelope with HILLARY’s name.”

  22. “I thought Denzel was going to kill Casey with his bare hands.”

  23. “Emma Stone … hmmm? Emma Stone … that’s not a movie … is it?”

  24. “Congratulations on your Academy Award for Best Sound Mixing, Mr O’Connell!”

Since the name-an-Oscar category is up to 13…

Overheard backstage at the Oscars

  1. “Eh, take any envelope out there. No one cares.”
  2. “That concludes the two hour 2016 in memoriam section.”
  3. “Hey, let’s watch Faye Dunaway get thrown under the bus.”
  4. “Do you think the tuxedos can get any shorter and tighter?”
  5. “Didja hear Jeff Bridges say to the President ‘Shut the fuck up, Donny!’?”
  6. “We’re wearing the same tuxedo!”
  7. “I just saw Steve Harvey backstage. He was saying something about a secret plan to restore his reputation.”
  8. “Hey, I just found an envelope with HILLARY’s name.”
  9. “I thought Denzel was going to kill Casey with his bare hands.”
  10. “Emma Stone … hmmm? Emma Stone … that’s not a movie … is it?”
  11. “Congratulations on your Academy Award for Best Sound Mixing, Mr O’Connell!”
  12. “How long until Trump sends in SEAL Team Six?”

Overheard backstage at the Oscars

  1. “Eh, take any envelope out there. No one cares.”
  2. “That concludes the two hour 2016 in memoriam section.”
  3. “Hey, let’s watch Faye Dunaway get thrown under the bus.”
  4. “Do you think the tuxedos can get any shorter and tighter?”
  5. “Didja hear Jeff Bridges say to the President ‘Shut the fuck up, Donny!’?”
  6. “We’re wearing the same tuxedo!”
  7. “I just saw Steve Harvey backstage. He was saying something about a secret plan to restore his reputation.”
  8. “Hey, I just found an envelope with HILLARY’s name.”
  9. “I thought Denzel was going to kill Casey with his bare hands.”
  10. “Emma Stone … hmmm? Emma Stone … that’s not a movie … is it?”
  11. “Congratulations on your Academy Award for Best Sound Mixing, Mr O’Connell!”
  12. “How long until Trump sends in SEAL Team Six?”
    13: “Kimmel’s okay but he’s no James Franco.”

I’ll pass.

Next: Annoying sounds

  1. Car alarms

Next: Annoying sounds

  1. Car alarms
  2. Crying babies

Next: Annoying sounds

  1. Car alarms
  2. Crying babies
  3. Loud voices when loud voices are not necessary

Annoying sounds

  1. Car alarms
  2. Crying babies
  3. Loud voices when loud voices are not necessary
  4. Styrofoam rubbing against styrofoam

Annoying sounds

  1. Car alarms
  2. Crying babies
  3. Loud voices when loud voices are not necessary
  4. Styrofoam rubbing against styrofoam
  5. Nails on a blackboard

Annoying sounds

  1. Car alarms
  2. Crying babies
  3. Loud voices when loud voices are not necessary
  4. Styrofoam rubbing against styrofoam
  5. Nails on a blackboard
  6. Trump’s voice
    Zing!

Annoying sounds

  1. Car alarms
  2. Crying babies
  3. Loud voices when loud voices are not necessary
  4. Styrofoam rubbing against styrofoam
  5. Nails on a blackboard
  6. Trump’s voice
  7. People screaming on cell phones

Annoying sounds

  1. Car alarms
  2. Crying babies
  3. Loud voices when loud voices are not necessary
  4. Styrofoam rubbing against styrofoam
  5. Nails on a blackboard
  6. Trump’s voice
  7. People screaming on cell phones
  8. Dogs barking

Annoying sounds

  1. Car alarms
  2. Crying babies
  3. Loud voices when loud voices are not necessary
  4. Styrofoam rubbing against styrofoam
  5. Nails on a blackboard
  6. Trump’s voice
  7. People screaming on cell phones
  8. Microphone feedback

Annoying sounds

  1. Car alarms
  2. Crying babies
  3. Loud voices when loud voices are not necessary
  4. Styrofoam rubbing against styrofoam
  5. Nails on a blackboard
  6. Trump’s voice
  7. People screaming on cell phones
  8. Microphone feedback
  9. Crackling cellophane

(especially in movie theaters)

Annoying sounds

  1. Car alarms
  2. Crying babies
  3. Loud voices when loud voices are not necessary
  4. Styrofoam rubbing against styrofoam
  5. Nails on a blackboard
  6. Trump’s voice
  7. People screaming on cell phones
  8. Dogs barking
  9. Microphone feedback
  10. Crackling cellophane
  11. Parents screaming at kids

Annoying sounds

  1. Car alarms
  2. Crying babies
  3. Loud voices when loud voices are not necessary
  4. Styrofoam rubbing against styrofoam
  5. Nails on a blackboard
  6. Trump’s voice
  7. People screaming on cell phones
  8. Dogs barking
  9. Microphone feedback
  10. Crackling cellophane
  11. Parents screaming at kids
  12. Leaking faucets

Annoying sounds

  1. Car alarms
  2. Crying babies
  3. Loud voices when loud voices are not necessary
  4. Styrofoam rubbing against styrofoam
  5. Nails on a blackboard
  6. Trump’s voice
  7. People screaming on cell phones
  8. Dogs barking
  9. Microphone feedback
  10. Crackling cellophane
  11. Parents screaming at kids
  12. Leaking faucets
  13. Helicopters

I swear the LAPD loves to circle their copters overhead at 3 a.m. solely to annoy people.
Next: Soothing sounds

  1. Ocean surf.

nm

Next: Soothing sounds

  1. Ocean surf.
  2. Ring-pull popping off a beer can