Bakers Dozen

Leaffan · February 13, 2013, 4:11pm

Lines cut at the last minute from the President’s State of the Union Address

“Mr. Speaker, your orange skin and eerily immovable hair are an inspiration to us all.”
“Ah, who are we kidding? I’m a lame duck, we all know it, and NOTHING is gonna get done the next 4 years. Let’s go get drunk!”
“Is it just me, or does my wife’s dress emphasize her boobs a little too much?”
"Before I begin, here’s a great idea for a drinking game: every time I say ‘Let me be clear,’ chug a beer. "
“I am resigning as President so that I may run for Pope.”
“Excuse me while I whip this out.”

Elendil_s_Heir · February 13, 2013, 7:43pm

Lines cut at the last minute from the President’s State of the Union Address

“Mr. Speaker, your orange skin and eerily immovable hair are an inspiration to us all.”
“Ah, who are we kidding? I’m a lame duck, we all know it, and NOTHING is gonna get done the next 4 years. Let’s go get drunk!”
“Is it just me, or does my wife’s dress emphasize her boobs a little too much?”
"Before I begin, here’s a great idea for a drinking game: every time I say ‘Let me be clear,’ chug a beer. "
“I am resigning as President so that I may run for Pope.”
“Excuse me while I whip this out.”
“I want to assure the American public that the Vice President’s new glasses are not X-ray specs.”

JohnT · February 13, 2013, 7:54pm

Lines cut at the last minute from the President’s State of the Union Address

“Mr. Speaker, your orange skin and eerily immovable hair are an inspiration to us all.”
“Ah, who are we kidding? I’m a lame duck, we all know it, and NOTHING is gonna get done the next 4 years. Let’s go get drunk!”
“Is it just me, or does my wife’s dress emphasize her boobs a little too much?”
"Before I begin, here’s a great idea for a drinking game: every time I say ‘Let me be clear,’ chug a beer. "
“I am resigning as President so that I may run for Pope.”
“Excuse me while I whip this out.”
“I want to assure the American public that the Vice President’s new glasses are not X-ray specs.”
: points at the Republican side of the chamber and gives a Milhouse “HAH-hah!” laugh, followed by : “More like 53%, chumps!”

astorian · February 13, 2013, 8:04pm

Lines cut at the last minute from the President’s State of the Union Address

“Mr. Speaker, your orange skin and eerily immovable hair are an inspiration to us all.”
“Ah, who are we kidding? I’m a lame duck, we all know it, and NOTHING is gonna get done the next 4 years. Let’s go get drunk!”
“Is it just me, or does my wife’s dress emphasize her boobs a little too much?”
"Before I begin, here’s a great idea for a drinking game: every time I say ‘Let me be clear,’ chug a beer. "
“I am resigning as President so that I may run for Pope.”
“Excuse me while I whip this out.”
“I want to assure the American public that the Vice President’s new glasses are not X-ray specs.”
: points at the Republican side of the chamber and gives a Milhouse “HAH-hah!” laugh, followed by : “More like 53%, chumps!”
“Looking ahead, I won’t be available to the Press for a few weeks in March, as I’ll be filling out my NCAA brackets.”

Eutychus · February 13, 2013, 8:15pm

Lines cut at the last minute from the President’s State of the Union Address

“Mr. Speaker, your orange skin and eerily immovable hair are an inspiration to us all.”
“Ah, who are we kidding? I’m a lame duck, we all know it, and NOTHING is gonna get done the next 4 years. Let’s go get drunk!”
“Is it just me, or does my wife’s dress emphasize her boobs a little too much?”
"Before I begin, here’s a great idea for a drinking game: every time I say ‘Let me be clear,’ chug a beer. "
“I am resigning as President so that I may run for Pope.”
“Excuse me while I whip this out.”
“I want to assure the American public that the Vice President’s new glasses are not X-ray specs.”
: points at the Republican side of the chamber and gives a Milhouse “HAH-hah!” laugh, followed by : “More like 53%, chumps!”
“Looking ahead, I won’t be available to the Press for a few weeks in March, as I’ll be filling out my NCAA brackets.”
“Before we start, I want to tell you a little joke. A guy goes into this talent agent’s office …”

astorian · February 13, 2013, 8:30pm

Lines cut at the last minute from the President’s State of the Union Address

“Mr. Speaker, your orange skin and eerily immovable hair are an inspiration to us all.”
“Ah, who are we kidding? I’m a lame duck, we all know it, and NOTHING is gonna get done the next 4 years. Let’s go get drunk!”
“Is it just me, or does my wife’s dress emphasize her boobs a little too much?”
"Before I begin, here’s a great idea for a drinking game: every time I say ‘Let me be clear,’ chug a beer. "
“I am resigning as President so that I may run for Pope.”
“Excuse me while I whip this out.”
“I want to assure the American public that the Vice President’s new glasses are not X-ray specs.”
: points at the Republican side of the chamber and gives a Milhouse “HAH-hah!” laugh, followed by : “More like 53%, chumps!”
“Looking ahead, I won’t be available to the Press for a few weeks in March, as I’ll be filling out my NCAA brackets.”
“Before we start, I want to tell you a little joke. A guy goes into this talent agent’s office …”
“I’m sure you’re all wondering why I called you here… ha ha! I’ve always wanted to say that!”

Elendil_s_Heir · February 13, 2013, 8:37pm

I think you mean Nelson.

Lines cut at the last minute from the President’s State of the Union Address

“Mr. Speaker, your orange skin and eerily immovable hair are an inspiration to us all.”
“Ah, who are we kidding? I’m a lame duck, we all know it, and NOTHING is gonna get done the next 4 years. Let’s go get drunk!”
“Is it just me, or does my wife’s dress emphasize her boobs a little too much?”
"Before I begin, here’s a great idea for a drinking game: every time I say ‘Let me be clear,’ chug a beer. "
“I am resigning as President so that I may run for Pope.”
“Excuse me while I whip this out.”
“I want to assure the American public that the Vice President’s new glasses are not X-ray specs.”
: points at the Republican side of the chamber and gives a Milhouse “HAH-hah!” laugh, followed by : “More like 53%, chumps!”
“Looking ahead, I won’t be available to the Press for a few weeks in March, as I’ll be filling out my NCAA brackets.”
“Before we start, I want to tell you a little joke. A guy goes into this talent agent’s office …”
“I’m sure you’re all wondering why I called you here… ha ha! I’ve always wanted to say that!”
“I’d like to announce that three Secret Service snipers are drawing a bead on Ted Nugent at this very moment, just in case he was thinking of pulling a Joe Wilson.”

Annie-Xmas · February 13, 2013, 8:45pm

Lines cut at the last minute from the President’s State of the Union Address

“Mr. Speaker, your orange skin and eerily immovable hair are an inspiration to us all.”
“Ah, who are we kidding? I’m a lame duck, we all know it, and NOTHING is gonna get done the next 4 years. Let’s go get drunk!”
“Is it just me, or does my wife’s dress emphasize her boobs a little too much?”
"Before I begin, here’s a great idea for a drinking game: every time I say ‘Let me be clear,’ chug a beer. "
“I am resigning as President so that I may run for Pope.”
“Excuse me while I whip this out.”
“I want to assure the American public that the Vice President’s new glasses are not X-ray specs.”
: points at the Republican side of the chamber and gives a Milhouse “HAH-hah!” laugh, followed by : “More like 53%, chumps!”
“Looking ahead, I won’t be available to the Press for a few weeks in March, as I’ll be filling out my NCAA brackets.”
“Before we start, I want to tell you a little joke. A guy goes into this talent agent’s office …”
“I’m sure you’re all wondering why I called you here… ha ha! I’ve always wanted to say that!”
“I’d like to announce that three Secret Service snipers are drawing a bead on Ted Nugent at this very moment, just in case he was thinking of pulling a Joe Wilson.”
“It’s time to come clean. We lied. Osama is still alive…BAZINGA”

Next up: Lovers of “Friends” (excluding other Friends, of course)

Dr. Richard Burke–Monica

anyrose · February 13, 2013, 8:55pm