Barbra Streisand and Tom Hanks in deep shit!

[Eve]

Today’s outre news article, from the AP Newswire:

MALIBU, Calif. (AP) – Just whose waste is fouling the most star-studded stretch of the Southern California coast? Los Angeles County officials intend to find out, and if the evidence leads back to the toilets of some of Hollywood’s rich and famous, the sewage could really hit the fan. “This is going to get messy,” predicts Mark Pestrella, the public works official assigned to the project. Environmentalists and health officials suspect Malibu homeowners’ leaky septic tanks are allowing what gets flushed down the toilet to flow down the hills and into the Pacific Ocean. To identify the offenders, authorities intend to use DNA testing and, if necessary, get court warrants to inspect septic tanks. And that includes tanks buried in the backyards of Hollywood celebrities.

Malibu, whose spectacular seaside cliffs, canyons and beaches have attracted numerous environmentally minded celebrities over the years, including Sting and Tom Hanks, was incorporated in 1991 specifically to stop construction of a sewer line. There are an estimated 2,400 septic tanks in this city of multimillion-dollar homes strung along 25 miles of coast. If DNA shows the waste is human and not from, say, raccoons or coyote, they will follow the trail up creeks that traverse neighborhoods in Malibu, where clean-water advocates such as Pierce Brosnan and Ted Danson live. County officials initially will focus on properties with heavier toilet use, such as restaurants and Barbra Streisand’s old estate.

[corkboard]

Sorry, I’m fairly dumb. This is a joke, right?

[Sternvogel]

@McNew

This is a joke, right?

If it is, the Washington Post was sucked in.

[MovieMogul]

**County officials initially will focus on properties with heavier toilet use, such as restaurants and Barbra Streisand’s old estate. **

Is she on some kind of high-fiber diet or something?

[chela]

I bet it’s no joke, now out of 2400 septic tanks how many are pumped out and maintained every 3-5 years. How many are old and leaking?

[Eve]

@chela

How many are old and leaking?

Apparently, Barbra Streisand is old and leaking.

[ivylass]

DNA testing? Oh, yes, I’m sure they’ll just be able to walk up to Tom Hanks and ask him to open wide for a cheek swab.

I’m calling bullshit on this one.

[lieu]

Fanny Brice?

[lieu]

Maybe some of her earlier work gave a hint as to what was to come, like The Way WeeWee Were, Runny Girl, The Rinse of Tides and On A Clear Day You Can Pee Forever.

[LawMonkey]

The article says that Malibu was “was incorporated in 1991 specifically to stop construction of a sewer line.”

Perhaps I’m just extra-dense, but I’m baffled as to why The Stars would be so horrified by the notion of a gasp! sewer connection.

Anyone care to shed some light on this one?

[Tannim]

@ivylass

DNA testing? Oh, yes, I’m sure they’ll just be able to walk up to Tom Hanks and ask him to open wide for a cheek swab.

I’m calling bullshit on this one.

I am pretty sure they are using DNA testing just to find if the waste is human, not to find which human it came from.

[pinkfreud]

So, for all these years was Barbra really singing “Poop holes, people who need poop holes…”?

[Wilson]

@Lemur Catta

The article says that Malibu was “was incorporated in 1991 specifically to stop construction of a sewer line.”

Perhaps I’m just extra-dense, but I’m baffled as to why The Stars would be so horrified by the notion of a gasp! sewer connection.

Anyone care to shed some light on this one?

I’m not an expert, but I’ve heard that before. It’s not so much the concept of a sewer connection - it’s the fear of development. I think the sewer plan was just a straw that broke the camel’s back kind of thing, that gave the final impetus for Malibu to incorporate.

Here’s a couple of articles discussing it.

OK, enough with the fighting ignorance thing, please get back to the more important business of bad puns!

[The_Scrivener]

I suspect the culprit is none other than Mr. Hanks, to judge by his [selected] filmography according to IMDB:

A Cold Crap (2008) (pre-production) … Andy Rosenzweig
The Cess Pool (2008) (pre-production) … Sam Hall
The Da Vinci Commode (2006) … Dr. Robert Langdon
Magnificent Desolation: Pit Stop on the Moon 3D (2005) (voice) … Narrator
The Polar Excretion (2004) … Hero Boy/Father/Conductor/Hobo/Scrooge/Santa Claus
Elvis Has Left the Outhouse (2004) … Mailbox Elvis
The Urinal (2004) … Viktor Navorski
The Ladies’ Room Killers (2004) … Professor G.H. Dorr
Catch Me Farting If You Can (2002) … Carl Hanratty
Road to Constipation (2002) … Michael Sullivan
Crap Away (2000) … Chuck Noland
Saving Ryan’s Privvy (1998) … Captain John H. Miller
“From the Earth to the Moon Without a Pitstop” (1998) (mini) TV Series … Jean-Luc Despont/Host/Narrator
That Doo-Doo Thing You Do! (1996) … Mr. White
Toy Stool (1995) (voice) … Woody
Forrest Dump (1994) … Forrest Gump
Vault of Hemmorrhoids I (1994) (TV)
Sleepless in Seattle, A.K.A. I’ve Got a Prostate the Size of a Tangerine! (1993) … Sam Baldwin
A Loo of Their Own (1992) … Jimmy Dugan
“Tales from the Crapper”
… aka HBO’s Tales from the Crapper
- None But the Lonely Fart (1992) TV Episode … Baxter
The Bonfire of the Master-Bathroom Vanities (1990) … Sherman McCoy
Joe Versus the “Volcano” – A.K.A. “Help, My Toilet Is Backed Up and Won’t Stop Flushing!” (1990) … Joe Banks
Flushline (1988) … Steven Gold
Bidet (1988) … Josh
The Money Pit (1986) … Walter Fielding, Jr.
The Man with One Red Shoe With T.P. Stuck To It (1985) … Richard Harlan Drew
Bathroom Party (1984) … Rick Gassko
Splash (1984) … Allen Bauer
“Bathroom Buddies”
- All You Need Is Love (1981) TV Episode … Kip ‘Buffy’ Wilson
- One for You, One for Me (1981) TV Episode … Kip Wilson
- My Brother, My Sister, Myself (1980) TV Episode … Kip ‘Buffy’ Wilson
- Pilot (1980) TV Episode … Kip ‘Buffy’ Wilson

[Hypno-Toad]

Construction of a sewer line is many times the open step to more intense development. In my county, if a proposed development is more dense than 2.5 residential units per acre, then it has to hook up to sewer and water lines instead of using septic tanks and well water. So one way for rural folk to keep the residential density low is to keep utilities out of their area.

Also, I have seen developers specifically (attemtp to) use the utility line tactic to create sprawl subdivisions. Once a sewer line is in place, a major obstacle to development has been cleared.

[pinkfreud]

The Scrivener, that was the funniest post I have read in a long, long time!

Along similar lines, some Streisand films…

The Mirror Has Two Feces
The Prince of Turds
For Pee’s Sake
Fill Up the Sandbox
What’s Up, Dung?
The Owl and the Poopycat
On a Clear Day You Can Pee Forever
Hello, Doody!
Runny Girl

[The_Scrivener]

@pinkfreud

Along similar lines, some Streisand films…

Let’s not forget her classic romance with Robert Redford, The Way We Wee.

[Eve]

@Tannim

I am pretty sure they are using DNA testing just to find if the waste is human, not to find which human it came from.

Dammit. I was hoping they would demand samples from Babs and Tom and Sting and Pamela Anderson and nail the culprit!

[Little_Nemo]

DNA testing? Oh, yes, I’m sure they’ll just be able to walk up to Tom Hanks and ask him to open wide for a cheek swab.

“I’m sorry if I wasn’t clear Mr Hanks. DNA testing is performed with a small amount of cells collected from inside the mouth. So please put your pants back on.”

[Duckster]

@Lemur Catta

The article says that Malibu was “was incorporated in 1991 specifically to stop construction of a sewer line.” Perhaps I’m just extra-dense, but I’m baffled as to why The Stars would be so horrified by the notion of a gasp! sewer connection. Anyone care to shed some light on this one?

Would really want your fans to know your shit really does stink?