Those fucking idiots.
The first time I tried ordering groceries from peapod.com, I was impressed with the delivery time (within the first 3 minutes of the 2 hour time window). I was less impressed with the quality of service. You’d think that a fully stocked major supermarket chain would not run out of, oh, I don’t know, spaghetti? Or cooking wine? Or mother fucking cheddar?
How the fuck do they run out of the basic staples?
The next few times, I was far less impressed with the delivery time. 30 minutes after the 2 hour delivery time is not what I’d consider prompt goddam service.
And the mistakes – missing items, moldy produce, and some items that are just plain wrong. I once ordered ground beef, which they delivered. I had my taste buds set on salivate, and was eager to cook myself up a nice juicy burger. Only when I put the meat in the pan it started to turn white. White!
Newsflash, asswipes – cows do not go “oink.”
So I stopped ordering for a while. I don’t need this shit.
Until my order yesterday. I ordered a bunch of stuff, but the one item I was really looking forward to was the pumpkin. I was planning on spending tonight carving it into the jack o’lantern of creepy doom. I was all psyched. I bought a candle and everything, and couldn’t wait to get to work on it.
Please, oh please, may the delivery guy get here shortly after 7. 8 would be OK, but not nearly as good. 9 fucking fifteen? What, did you fucking WALK?
But at least I got my beloved enlarged orange gourd, right?
“I’m fery sorry, sir, but we deent haff dees one item heer, dee pumpkeenss? So we substeetude weeth can uff pumpkeenss pie feelingss. Iss OK?”