Bastards at www.peapod.crap

Those fucking idiots.

The first time I tried ordering groceries from, I was impressed with the delivery time (within the first 3 minutes of the 2 hour time window). I was less impressed with the quality of service. You’d think that a fully stocked major supermarket chain would not run out of, oh, I don’t know, spaghetti? Or cooking wine? Or mother fucking cheddar?

How the fuck do they run out of the basic staples?

The next few times, I was far less impressed with the delivery time. 30 minutes after the 2 hour delivery time is not what I’d consider prompt goddam service.

And the mistakes – missing items, moldy produce, and some items that are just plain wrong. I once ordered ground beef, which they delivered. I had my taste buds set on salivate, and was eager to cook myself up a nice juicy burger. Only when I put the meat in the pan it started to turn white. White!

Newsflash, asswipes – cows do not go “oink.”

So I stopped ordering for a while. I don’t need this shit.

Until my order yesterday. I ordered a bunch of stuff, but the one item I was really looking forward to was the pumpkin. I was planning on spending tonight carving it into the jack o’lantern of creepy doom. I was all psyched. I bought a candle and everything, and couldn’t wait to get to work on it.

Please, oh please, may the delivery guy get here shortly after 7. 8 would be OK, but not nearly as good. 9 fucking fifteen? What, did you fucking WALK?

But at least I got my beloved enlarged orange gourd, right?


“I’m fery sorry, sir, but we deent haff dees one item heer, dee pumpkeenss? So we substeetude weeth can uff pumpkeenss pie feelingss. Iss OK?”


Once upon a time, Peapod went and got your groceries from a local grocery. I swear. In my area, it was Jewel (same chain known elsewhere as Albertson’s.) I could use my Jewel customers’ preferred card, I could use in-store coupons, I could buy the store brands I liked. And the service from Peapod was excellent, and inexpensive, too! I could do a week’s grocery shopping with only a $5 delivery fee!

Then, one day, Peapod announced that from now on, they’d be bringing you groceries from the Peapod “store”. I really think this Peapod store is a warehouse - certainly it’s not an actual store you could go into and shop if you wanted. Anyway, suddenly my store brands were unavailable. And many name brands were unavailable too! Who doesn’t stock Hellmann’s (Best Foods) mayonnaise, fercryinoutloud?!? Who carries Hunt’s crappy watery ketchup but not Heinz? HEINZ!!

Phooey on them. I started going back to Jewel. I do miss the convenience of the delivery service some days, but it was more appreciated when I was home with a baby.

(PS: I had no idea that pumpkin pies HAD feelings! That’s gonna suck come Thanksgiving, when my hyper-vegetarian “I will not eat anything that can feel pain” sister is here.)


When I log on to the site, it says Peapod by Stop and Shop, which is at least a local chain. And a store not likely to run out of the basics.

They also have a new deal. If you choose a delivery window of 4 hours (instead of 2), you get a buck off the delivery fee.

A buck? For an extra 2 hours of my time? Not bloody likely.

I tell ya though - if I saw a candle in some pumpkeenss pie feelingss on someone’s doorstep - I’d find that really creepy!

These Peapod people seem to be on to the next big idea - building a brand new system of warehouses in order to optimize the whole online food delivery paradigm! Why, in a few years, we’ll all be ordering our groceries online! And I know where they can get a whole fleet of slightly used, peach-colored delivery vans…aw bugger.

And add another sentence I never thought I’d see.

(Other possibilities:
In Soviet Canuckistan, cows go brr!
Yer damn right. They go ork.
… until Cthulu goes cow-tipping.
What, couldn’t make hamburgers out of ham?)

I’m sorry, but you wanted to buy a pumpkin one day before Halloween?

Isn’t that like shopping for an Xmas tree on December 24th?

Online grocery shopping will never work for me; I don’t have a rigid idea of everything I want when I go shopping; you’d have to be able to place an order with items like:

Two red peppers, but only if they are nice and ripe.
Some oranges or satsumas, whichever looks better
Some salad tomatoes, but if they look pale, maybe get the cherry tomatoes
Some smoked mackerel, but only if there’s a long best before date on it
Some full-flavoured cheese, of some sort
A jar of horseradish sauce, but only if you got the mackerel
A nice cake - something that would go well with custard
A loaf of granary bread, but only if you got the mackerel and horseradish.

And so on…

Which, quite obviously, involves decisions I would be wary of trusting to someone who knows me well.

Don’t use cooking wine for cooking :wink: Essentially you are adding bad (SALTED) wine into your food.

Always use a decent wine instead.

Darth said, "I’m sorry, but you wanted to buy a pumpkin one day before Halloween?

Isn’t that like shopping for an Xmas tree on December 24th?"

We ALWAYS got our tree on December 24th. Santa brought our Christmas tree. It was truly thrilling for us to wake up on Christmas morning with a very cool tree and presents that weren’t there when we went to bed.

Carry on.

I’d hoped they’d stopped the madness at head cheese.