I’m one of those people who enjoys flipping through a magazine while I am… indisposed.
Lately, however, it has really gotten out of hand. With subscriptions to Newsweek and Entertainment Weekly, the latest issues usually find their way into the bathroom within a day or two of arrival.
I am way behind now! I guess I don’t spend enough time in there, because I haven’t even gotten past the letters to the editor this week. There are back issues piling up that I have barely glanced at, and my bowels are empty. Empty, I tell you!!
For a while I just started standing around in the bathroom to try and catch up on my reading, but now I can’t even step into the bathroom without reading a little blurb from the magazines.
We bought this new little cabinet thing that stands over the toilet. It really did organize things in there, but one of the unforeseen effects was that the rather wide window sill has been cleared of all bathroom objects. Turns out that this windowsill is the perfect height to set a magazine on so that I can read while taking a leak – standing up!
I read a bit while brushing my teeth. I read a little bit while I’m waiting for the shower to warm up in the morning. I read just before changing the cat’s litter box. I tried to clean the shower drain out, but instead I just ended up reading.
Oops. Sorry, Res. Huaband isn’t here. He’s indisposed. Again. With this month’s copy of Guitar Player. That he’s read 187 times already. In the bathroom.
Sigh. I’m beginning to think he’s not actually reading in there.
You obviously need to start eating more, and eating constipating foods. Try a high protein, low-fat diet. Also, buy really cheap toilet paper. That way, you’ll have to take more time ‘cleaning up’.
If you’re lucky, you’ll give yourself a hemorrhoid from straining, requiring even more time spent doing peri-care. Be sure you get a padded seat, and be sure it’s a good quality one – the cheap ones have a hard, uneven ring around the inside of the seat that becomes noticeable after several hours.
I read in the bathroom, In fact i read anywhere, whenever i can, not magazines, but long novels, as a result, i go throught them faster then i go through toilet paper (i know that that’s a bad analogy)…because of this, people think that i’m a genious, regretfully, this is not true
Hmmm. Sounds like you either need to take a speed-reading course, or eat more fiber. (Now, how many other situations would require that kind of advice?)
You ain’t out of control unless it’s the only toilet. Nothing worse than making others contemplate the sink or the back yard for relief. All the erudition in the world will not save you if the missus or junior is cross-legged in the hall whilst you peruse Britney’s birthday or dot-com best-bets. Really, now.
Newsweek’s news is always 2 weeks old by the time you get the mag. Discontinue the sub. You should keep the Entertainment Weekly sub because it’s bathroom-level content. You really don’t want to get your high-level content while your commodifying (how’s that for a new word?). Also maybe if you changed your diet (cheese pizza every night) you’d be in there long enough to finish the articles.
You have to be careful with those Entertainment Weekly’s. My best friend used to take 20 minutes in the washroom, and then walk out slowly reading on of my EW’s. Her trips to the washroom shortened by about 19 minutes and 30 seconds when my subscription ran out.
I’ve made this comment before in other threads about bathroom reading and I’ll throw it out there again:
DON’T YOU PEOPLE HAVE ANYPLACE THAT YOU CAN READ THAT’S MORE COMFORTABLE, HAS BETTER LIGHTING, AND DOESN’T SMELL QUITE SO PUNGENT?
I have never understood the use of the bathroom as a library. As a guy, I know that I’m in the minority here, but there has to be a better place to read. Go in, do your thing, and get out. That’s my motto regarding the toilet.
I’ve always believed 3 things should not be rushed:
Enjoyment of a fine meal
Making love to a beautiful woman
A good shit.
While I am on the Throne of Contemplation, I often have a Sports Illustrated. Why not read something while I am taking care of business? Not like I have to watch and concentrate on the other facet. 2-5 page articles with pictures? Just the proper timespan.
I’m with lurkernomore, philosophically speaking of course. I have my own bathroom, thank you.
We have a little roll-around cart in the bathroom with four little basket/drawers containing extra toilet paper, etc.
The top basket contains reading material for those of us who like to take time to…contemplate.
Right now, I have a book by Russel Baker in there.