And the guy has not even seen me. Hasn’t even a photo to look at, 'cause I do lousy pictures, and a friend of mine has yet to do a line drawing I might allow on the Net.
The world needs more people like Rue. Treasure, you are definitely my Special Friend, and this Kiwi won’t forget your kind words.
Even if they are lies, all charming lies. 
Tell T.Bunny t’ give me the list o’ pseudo-preds she’s got a hankering for. I’ll leave 'em alone.
I thought you were doin’ alright. Actually the keys don’t work the lock anymore. I got this high-tech clicky thing, d’bleep, there, now you can probably get in OK.
Should I tell you what you have to do to start the car?
Zap, the keys under the flower pot on the porch. The one with no flower, and the picture of the ket painted on it. You can’t miss it.
And while you’re there, could you check out that case of 12 year old Scotch for me? I’m not sure if they sent me a full case last time or not. Be a pal and put them away for me, will ya? Right in the liquor cabinet, next to the brandy. Is 85 years too old for brandy? I wouldn’t want it to go bad. (Or was it: Is 85¢ too cheap for brandy?) I still wouldn’t want it to go bad.
And make sure you tip the carpet guys good. I don’t want to be thought cheap. (“Easy” is OK, “cheap” is demeaning.)
I’m plenty secure, thanks. See? I’ve got my pink shirt on right now. A very secure guy, that’s me.
And Jes’, just a tip… those ain’t pants. They’re just chaps. Your ass shouldn’t hang out that way. Unless that’s the look you were going for. Just stay behind me. Especially after big meals. OK?
I thought it was elephants that didn’t forget, not little flightless birds. Or was it the little furry fruit? Something like that.
Anyway, I would never lie to you. I might lie on you. But that’s only if the Little Woman doesn’t catch me. And if you’re into that sort of thing.
-Rue.
[QUOTE]
*Originally posted by Rue DeDay *
**
Don’t worry, boss. I’ll take care of the booze for ya. It’s in good stomachs, uh, I mean hands. . .That Scotch and the brandy look a little bit watery. Are you sure the cleaning lady hasn’t been nipping again? Better taste it to make sure. 
And I’ll tip the carpet guys well, don’t you fret. I’ve been handing out glossy autographed 8x10s of you all over town as tips. Folks seem to appreciate them more than mere filthy lucre.
I promised the carpet cleaners that if they did a good job they might get to become Official Rue DeDay Pals as well.
Your trustworthy lawyer pal,
Zappo
Thanks Zap! If you can’t trust your lawyer… well then, just who can you trust? (And I couldn’t find my checkbook, I think I left it in the car… I mean RueMobile. You’ll have to dip into my Barrel-O-Cash for expenses. No need for receipts, of course.)
And if anyone calls you a filthy, blood sucking leech, I’ll give them a hearty “Nuh-uh!”. I know you bathe regularly.
-Rue.
Hey Jester, in German a Hort is a bunch of gold or a refuge/sanctuary. So this kind of fits in with being a personal security manager, if you look at it sideways and squint.
Icy, just send a couple of those other line drawings or photos over to me and we’ll fix them up and make them 'Net ready. Don’t you fret your sweet li’l paws over it.
Nice offer, ShibbOleth but, be careful, teasure. I might just take you up on that some day, and then you’ll have to be the one to explain the consequences to the world!