Sooo… sending a text message to management to complain about a tweenager bothering you with the glare of his cell phone while he sends text messages. I see.
I say take an air horn to the theatre and blast it every time someone makes a peep.
This is interesting to me. Never have any problems.
But I suspect that it’s because my Wife and I don’t go to the movies but about 4 or 5 times a year, and when we do, it’s usually the Sunday matinee.
It’s about a 40 minute drive to the ‘movies’, and we usually go out for an early dinner on our way home. Or an early lunch before.
At the matinee, it’s usually not crowded at all. So that helps. It’s cheaper too.
But I can’t remember the last time a cell phone rang in a theater.
Mass dipshittery has made going to the theater almost guaranteed to suck, and thanks to home theater technology it’s now possible to shatter your eardrums almost as quickly using your own speakers. You’re less likely to hear screaming brats at home, and if you do, you’re free to silence them with a sharp backhand; after all, they’re yours (or so swears your wife, anyway, even if you don’t see the slightest resemblance). At home you can also pause the movie to take a shit, have sex, grab another beer, or search the carpet on your hands and knees for that one tiny crack rock you swear you dropped on Friday.
On the other hand, at the theater you can pick people’s pockets.
Yeah, I too had an Uncle that would tell story jokes like that.
And we use to slap the living shit out of him!
But seriously. Usually we like to go to movies on sunday night, the latest show.
Crowds tend to be small late sunday night. Even smaller during the school year.
We also usually don’t go to movies during the first 2 weeks of it’s run. That, combined with going on a late sunday night (at least around here) guarantees almost an empty theatre. Guess we need to stick to that rule next time.
It must vary greatly from theater to theater depending on the managing style and policy. The theater I go to here has lots of warnings about being quiet before the film starts and says TURN OFF YOUR CELL PHONES about 8 or 10 times before the feature starts. I’ve never had a problem.
Why tolerate three phone calls? 1 short one maybe… If I pay 8 or 9 dollars for a movie I expect to watch it in relative quiet. If someone exclaims OH My God!! or laughs out loud in the appropriate spot np. If they obviously don’t really care about the movie or anyone else in the theater that paid their money then I’d expect management to do something about it.
Maybe theaters need a call box outside each movie or something. If my local theater didn’t care about whether I enjoyed the movie or not I wouldn’t go back, but I would make an effort to let their bosses know what a lousy job they were doing.
I kinda like the air horn idea someone mentioned but I’d save it for phoners.
“excuse me would you mind not talking on your cell during the movie?”
“Piss off you say?”
BBLLLLAAAAATTTTTT!!!
how about now?
This is where the Personal Very Short Range Electronic Warfare / Countermeasures Pod(PVSR-ECM) comes into play. And you get a free protective pouch for your stuff.
Set the thing on global jamming mode for the duration of the movie.
The premium version comes with an aim-able EMP generator.
Regal Cinemas is experimenting with an electronic pager to report problems to management. http://www.wtvq.com/midatlantic/tvq/news.apx.-content-articles-TVQ-2007-05-31-0015.html
Regal Theaters has introduced a new guest response system which will allow patrons to electronically notify staff of technical problems and other disruptive guests. The system consists of a pager-like device with four buttons, which when pushed buzzes another pager worn by ushers and theater management. They will then respond to the proper auditorium to deal with the appropriate problem.
The pagers will be issued to one person per auditorium to customers who are members of Regal’s Crown Club loyalty club. For serving as an electronic monitor, volunteers will receive points to be redeemed for rewards like refreshments and free movie passes. The system has been used at the Regal Theaters at Hamburg Pavilion for the last two weeks. Management tells Action News 36, no one has used the system to report disruptive behavior to this point. Nationwide about 115 theaters are utilizing the system.
WHERE??? That sounds fantastic.
This is why I have stopped going to the theater. With Netflix and Tivo, I really don’t miss a thing.
Yes, the “whatever you want” part is especially intriguing.
I thought it meant hot dogs, Jelly Bellies, or whatever else they have at the concession stand, but I think I like your interpretation better!
My wife and I have seen movies at their Alexandria, VA and Bowie, MD multiplexes. I’ll have to look into this.
My husband loves going to the movies, but I hate it. However, I’d be willing to spend $15 per ticket to get a comfy, non-sticky seat and a guarantee of a peaceful movie experience. There are only 3 theaters near us, and they’re old, smelly, and noisy. I can’t recall the last time we went to a movie.
I recall that the Alamo Drafthouse (briefly) had little pager things on the armrests of every chair that would summon a waiter.
They don’t have 'em anymore, though. Probably had little kids poking them constantly, people spilling drinks on them and shorting them out, etc.
Yes you do. You miss seeing a movie on a 40 screen with a couple hundred other people. Of course, to gank a quote from the article I link below, I’m an “an unapologetic adherent to the old-time religion”. But, if you don’t groove on that enough to find ways around the negatives, that’s your perogative.
As I say in a lot of these rants, the solution I have is just to find movies/theaters/times where the likelihood of idiots seeing the movie is nil. Going to see Transformers on opening night in the middle of the burbs. . .I’d be surprised if there was anyone there not texting and talking.
This weekend, I’m planning on seeing Paris, Je T’aime. I don’t expect many problems.
Anyway, this is from the theater I go to:
From a slightly different point of view, here’s an article A.O. Scott wrote about taking kids to adult movies. He happens to be for it, but he’s not talking about infants, and he’s not talking about taking them to see Saw III.
Yeah, the theater near us does this too. They play a fake preview, then halfway through have it interrupted by a cellphone ring. That was never a problem in the states, where few people use that cellphone ring, but it does precondition you to become especially annoyed every time you hear that particular ring. And EVERYONE uses it here in Spain, where I´ve been for the last semester. Grrrr.
Somewhere near a fancy mall in Boca Raton. It’s near a highway if that’s any help. Nashiitashii could give you exact directions as it’s near her mum’s house. We go there whenever we go to visit Mum; it’s a wonderful “date night”.
The ushers will get you stuff from the concession stands and are actually extremely polite and well trained. It is one of the few place in South FLorida where I have recieve exemplery service throught my entire experience. Even though it costs nearly twice as much as a regular seat, I would NEVER hesitate about ponying up the cash the do it again. 
I think the only solution is for cinemas to broadcast the soundtrack with something like the transmitter for my MP3 player which my car stereo picks up. Before the movie starts a message will flash up saying “This movie is being broadcast on 88.7” and I will tune my player to that frequency, stick in the ear buds and block out the fuckwits.
They have this in a few theaters in Minneapolis. However you must rent out the entire room for about $100, invite up to 20 guests, and they still must pay full ticket price.
I’m half in love with you when it comes to movies. Some years back you posted some useful deconstruction of a movie that had me wondering (may have been AI?) and now you come up with this brilliant solution.
The only thing you need to work out is how you handle the parents with kids. You want the rottweilers to tear apart the parents, but it seems a bit unfair to have the kids watch. Granted, it’s likely no more gory than what their parents have cheerfully exposed them to onscreen, but still this make sme uneasy. It’s not THEIR fault their parents are assholes.
It’s fine to orphan them, but seeing Mommy’s throat ripped out before their very eyes seems inconsiderate, methinks.