I can't stand going to the movies anymore.

  1. NO ONE under the age of 13 should be allowed in R rated movies . . with or WITHOUT a parent. Here’s two incidents that happened:

-A family of retards brought three little children to see . . The Cell. You know that wonderful movie where people get TORTURED by a murderer??? During the movie, one of the little kids started walking around the theater and talking. Meanwhile, the other two small children will grow uop to be serial killers!
-During “Traffic”, a father brought in this little 12 year old daughter who every two minutes, because she was too young to understand, kept asking her father “What happened?” “Why did he do that?”. Then, halfway through the movie this dunce goes to get a coke, and comes back . . .20 minutes later! Good use of that $5.50, DAD!

  1. Once the movie starts, tickets will no longer be sold.

I just cannot understand how, when a movie time is clearly advertised in the newspaper, you can show up 15 MINUTES LATE !!! And always, ALWAYS, since people that show up late for movies are inconsiderate asswipes anyway, they ALWAYS sit near me, and TALK THE ENTIRE FUCKING TIME!!!

This weekend was the best. I went to see “Shadow of the Vampire” with my 5-1" wife. We get to the show nice and early, and pick out seats that no one would sit in front of us. OF COURSE 3 minutes into the movie, this couple who HAD to be about 6-0" or more. . .SIT RIGHT IN FRONT OF MY WIFE!!! THEN . . . halfway through the movie this stupid CUNT’s cellphone goes off in the theater!!! AAAAAAARGH!!!

Then, 10 FUCKING MINUTES INTO THE MOVIE, ANOTHER pair of ne’er do wells strolls in. Since it is dark, these dopes can’t see where the empty seats are, and proceed to STAND IN THE AISLE IN THE MIDDLE OF THE THEATER. Then . . . they find their seats . . AND STAND FOR 30 FUCKING SECONDS BEFORE SITTING DDOWN!!! About the only thing that prevented me from throwing my soda at their heads was I was afraid of hitting an innocent bystander.

I don’t care about traffic or long lines. If you cannot make enough timer to get to a movie on time, THEN DON’T FUCKING GO!!! AND DON;T BRING YOUR KIDS TO R-RATED MOVIES!!!
I hate stupid people!

The new theatre in our town is pretty strict about the R rated thing - NO ONE, period, under 18 is allowed in.

Yeah, re: The Cell. Great. Brilliant. Bring in a child where the protagonist/antagonist ('cause he’s both) is a child who is being BEATEN!! I tell you, I thought it was an incredible movie but those scenes just killed me. I thought Jennifer Lopez did a great job portraying the horror of having to watch something like that too. Very shocking.

I’m with you. I can’t stand going to the movies anymore either. It never fails that SOMEONE is loud and obnoxious or gets up repeatedly throughout the movie. I’ve found, however, that this is only during “rush hour” when the movie theatres have the most patrons. The best time to go is on a weekday, or a sunday afternoon. The kiddies and assholes are usually still sleeping then, and 99% of the time a pleasant moviegoing experience occurs. (Though don’t go to a disney/cartoon movie at this time, you’re never safe at those)

When my husband and I went to see Scary Movie, we had a bunch people sitting in back of us. Of course, they brought their children. And all through the movie, the woman erupted loudly every so often with “That ain’t right!”

The best part took place when one of the teenagers in the movie goes to the movies with her boyfriend. She talks loudly through the movie and tells people to get out of her face when they shush her. Then she gets on the cell phone and carries on a loud conversation. When the killer prepares to stab her, this old lady in back of them grabs his knife and stabs her, the next guy grabs the knife and stabs her. Soon all the aggravated movie goers are stabbing her and the killer is just sitting back, eating popcorn and watching the movie.

Behind us, there was silence…for about 10 minutes! :smiley:

This always used to happen to me. We only go to the movies when there’s one we really want to see – maybe 3-4 times a year, at most. And having carefully chosen our seats, without fail tall people or people with big hairdos would come and sit right in front of me. Now we only go to movie theaters that have seats that are “stadium style,” i.e. where each row is up a little higher than the one before it. Fortunately they seem to be building most of the new movie theaters with this kind of seating.

Laser pointers. Next one I see in the theater will make me reconsider my position on gun control, and I buy a nice shiny chrome .45 with a laser sight. Put that red dot on Penelope Cruz’s crotch again, and it’s the last hard-on you’ll ever get!

My sister and Iwent to see Antitrust, with Ryan Philippe. It attracted a large herd of preteen girls, who proceeded to sit directly behind us in the back of the theatre. We were ready o shoot them by the time the previews were over. And when Ryan came on the screen? Forget it. Anytime it showed him with his girlfriend, they screamed at her. And when they noticed their friend sitting about 8 rows down? They threw popcorn at her, and missed. It was pretty funny watching the 6"4’ husky guy threatening them though :smiley:

Last year when I went to see Road Trip, there was a huge crowd of 11-12 (but I think I saw a few 7-8) year olds sitting in front of us. Without parental supervision. Apparently, it was someone’s b-day party, and his mother in her all wisdom, decided to go see a different movie.
It was extremely satisfying when security came and threatened to kick them out for being noisy. But all that nudity? I don’t consider myself a prude, but I don’t think children that young should see the movie. Wasn’t it rated R?

Last weekend we went and saw Hannibal. Wonderful movie. It would have been even better if I didn’t have to worry about the nine year old sitting in front of me. Or the gaggle of small children 3 rows up.
Why the FUCK would someone bring their child to Hannibal!!! How FUCKING STUPID do you have to FUCKING BE! I was SOOO angry…
Damn, that movie disturbed me, what chance did a 9 year old have.
takes a few deep breaths to calm down

I fucking hate stupid fucking parents.

takes a few more deep breaths
There, I think I’ll be ok now.

This isn’t an appropriate action in theaters that are too crowded, but I keep the tall people at bay by bringing along a sweater or jacket and draping it across the seat in front of me. When the Tall Ones see the coats, the ensuing dialog is as follows:

Tall Person Who Should Know Better than to Sit in Front of Obviously Short People: Uhhhh, is there someone sitting here?
Me: Yeah. See? They left their coats. I think they’re at the snack bar.
TPWSKBTTSIFOOSP: Oh, all right then. I’ll just go become some other short person’s problem.

It’s unethical, but it works.

Oh god…i can sympathise. When i saw Hannibal last thursday…a couple brought their fuckin toddler…a toddler for christ sakes. He was fuckin bawling his eyes out every 10 min…sooooo annoying! Same thing happened when we saw Star Wars Episode I, a girl, no more then 3 years old, kept walkin up and down the stairs…the parents finally decided to leave the theater…:frowning: Oh, and here is the last one, me and a friend went to see 8mm when it came out in theaters. Low and behold behind us set a family of four, two parents, a girl who was no more then 9, and a boy probably around 10. Why would you take your kids, to see 8mm…why?!

See, this is what I like about working nights. On the rare occasion that I actually want to see a movie that’s in the theatre, I can go to a matinee. It’s usually about half price, there are no lines for tickets or food, the theatre’s practically empty, and there are no idiots. It’s great.

See also:

  • People who cannot open a packet of sweets and eat them QUIETLY.
  • Commentators: “I bet you he’s really a bad guy who’s a spy” the whole way through.

I’m amazed that kids can get into movies like 8mm with parental consent. The way that it works here in England is that movies are rated U / PG (suitable for children) 12 / 15 / 18 (only to be watched by people of that age and above. Obviously kids of 15-16 can get into 18 rated films, but it seems a lot harder here. :frowning: (shame, I wanted to go see Hannibal this week)

Next time, here’s what ya do:

Bring your own bottle of water. When you sit down, pour the water out on the seat in front of your wife. She will no longer have any problem seeing the screen.

Oh man, I’ve gotta chime in on this one.

First of all, what is it with people who go to the movies and think they’re in their own fucking living room?! They just chat casually about this and that, sometimes about the movie, sometimes not, but my god, they just keep talking! And when you say something to them, you can see by the looks on their faces that they really do think you’re some kind of picky asshole who has to have everything perfectly silent and who should really stay home and rent movies so no one can bother you. Could they really be that dim? Best I can figure, our society has finally reached that saturation point where we are rarely more than a few steps away from a video screen, so some people are having difficulty differentiating between one moving image source and another. Then again…naaah, there are just a lot of idiots out there. The tip-off is the conversation. They don’t need to actually listen to the movie because their little brains are plenty entertained by the moving pictures alone.

Secondly, it’s bad enough when people come in fifteen minutes after the movie has started, but what about the ones who walk in fifteen minutes before the movie ends? They’re early for the next show and they may or may not know that this is the previous show still running. Either way they’re morons. You’re trying to absorb the climax of this movie to which you’ve given eight bucks and two hours of your life, and they’re making all sorts of racket rattling their fresh popcorn bags and discussing where to sit. I spent a lot of years working in movie theaters and we frequently had people show up at some random time, buy a ticket and ask if they can go on in, watch what’s left of the movie and then stay over to see what they missed on the next show. Whaaa…? Again, moving pictures only. Narrative unnecessary. You know they’re gonna be talking.

And finally, standing in the lobby after the movie loudly discussing the plot points, the surprises and the ending is just plain rude. Enough said about that.

Back in the theater days I had a surefire way of avoiding all these problems. I’d wait until everyone went home at night, lock up, dig out some popcorn, thread up the projector and watch a movie by my damn self. Or maybe have one or two friends or my SO come by. At those times working in a movie theater was almost worth the poverty.

I have a solution. Every cup holder should have a pair of scissors attached. Use them to open you packet of sweeties quietly or to mercilessly slaughter irritatingly tall/noisy around you. Simple :wink:

[Inside Joke hijack]
So that’s where that lady got that tacky-assed “Valentine sweater”… And to think, Ironside Guest Star Bob could have been giving you candy! (Jimmy Carter-looking smiley doo-hickey goes here)
[End of Inside Joke hijack]

Actually, at 6’ 2", I am one of those (incredibly long acronym) tall people, but I take pains to slouch if I notice anyone vertically-challenged sitting behind me.

Sir

I went to see ‘The Sixth Sense’ by myself at a saturday matinee. It turned out to be a very crowded show. I pick a row with 2 empty seats near the isle. Just before the show starts, a family of 4 come in.(mom, pop, boy,8 and girl 10)

It’s obvious at once that they aren’t going to be able to sit together, so they split up. Girl, 10, ends up sitting next to a scary looking bald guy(your’s truly:D). There was the scene where the frightened kid goes to the toilet and ends up seeing the battered-wife ghost. This scene made me jump. Girl, 10, was absolutely traumatized! She bolts from her seat and runs, screaming, for the exit.

Never came back to her seat.

The worst movie patron, from a Theater-monkey’s (read: employee’s) point of view:

People who buy $40 worth of concession stuff (usually a single popcorn and drink :D), then only consume a quarter of it. Sucks for the lil’ Theater-monkeys who have to clean it up. But hey, that’s what they get the big bucks for, right?

SPOOFE, I saw a guy in a theater once that you could have used. Before we had a chance to clean up an auditorium for the next show, he got inside. When I walked in, I saw him pick up a large bucket of half-eaten popcorn and proceed down the aisle, filling it up with the remains of other leftover buckets. He then sat down and started munching. I swear to god that happened. It still makes me cringe.

  • The first time I went to see The Cell - yep, you guessed it, a little boy, no older than 9 years old, was sitting behind me. WHAT THE HELL WERE HIS PARENTS THINKING!? Among the scenes in this movie were (I’m going to try not to spoil anything here) a person drowning slowly, a serial killer masturbating in a strange ritual to the woman’s dead body, lots of dead naked people, The Horse Scene, a whole sh*tload of blood and gore, especially near the end…the list goes on and on. At least it wasn’t Hannibal, though. My god, anyone who takes a little kid to see Hannibal is a good case for justifiable homicide.

  • When I sent to see the new release of Star Wars in 1997(?) there was an annoying little kid in front of me who would recite entire scenes from the movie, line for line, as they happened. It was extremely annoying. The only good thing I can say about it is, at least he was talking ABOUT the movie, and not god-knows-what-else.