I use that reason alot and I have the eyebrow of death.
They are my children and that makes me the end all be all in all arguments.
I like my parents line on this one.
I always got a why. I need a why. I am not comfortable with doing things on “because I said so”. I feel responcible for my own actions and if my partial knowledge or consideration has brought me to a different conclusion, I need the discussion and comparison.
My mom and I made ground rules for parties. She, personally, could see little need for me to go wandering around to parties for lateish hours of the night. I wanted to do every party in the state I could get to. We comprimised by discussing what was important in the situation. I wante dto spend time with friends and parties were a good way to have everyone together all at once, and there was at least one every weekend. She wanted me to be safe. We came up with ground rules, I carried a cell phone, drove myself, didn’t drink (which I wasn’t interested in anyway), and got home by a predetermined hour.
This process of mutual examination and negotiation was a life long process in my family. If one of us couldn’t justify our position, we lost.
I am not comfortable with acting on someone else’s say so. I need to question and find purpose in my own actions, even under someone else’s direction. I see too much opportunity to abuse blind faith in anything.
It is a perfectly valid reason, though there’s usually a better one that’s too much trouble, or too complex, or too scary, or too whatever, to explain at the time. In my saner, less hectic moments I’ll try to explain my reasons, provided I can come up with an age-appropriate explanation that won’t take all day to communicate, but when rushed, stressed, or too muddled to construct a logical argument that will convince a toddler, I do fall back on “Because I said so”.
Interestingly, I recall reading somewhere that in experiments, people comply with requests more readily when an explanation is offered as part of the request. Example: “Would you open the window please, because it’s getting stuffy in here?” got a better response than just “would you open the window please?”. This was true even when the explanation offered was irrelevant or even false. I do find that my four-year-old and two-year-old generally do respond better to requests put this way, though they still dig in their heels when they want to do something different, or don’t want to do what I’ve asked.
Everyone’s an expert, and the likelihood of your kids behaving in a certain way is directly proportional to the likelihood of there being someone nearby who’ll disapprove of that behavior and give you a piece of their mind, or at least dirty looks. Short of outright abuse, I try to cut other parents a huge amount of slack in how they deal with their kids, because I know how many times I’ve ended up doing something I never expected to.
Damn right “because I said so” is a valid reason. And damn right that my husband and I are the authority in our home. I never did hold with that “don’t get into a power struggle with your children.” crap. Believe me, from the moment they are old enough to understand the word “NO!” you are in a power struggle.
Now I’m not saying that you should never explain the reasons for certain decisions. But their obedience should never, ever hinge on whether or not THEY feel that your reasons are valid. YOU are the one with life experience and YOU have the responsibility to teach them right from wrong. They should learn to obey FIRST and ask questions later–this is something that can save their lives. If you yell at a kid to “STOP!” and they need to know the reasons why first, they just might end up running out in front of a speeding car. We teach our children this principle,because we love them–not because we don’t want them to have any fun, or because we get a thrill out of being head honcho. As they get older, RESPECTFUL requests for reasons can certainly be in order, though the bottom line is still, “because I said so.”
I’m a teacher, not a parent.
But I have taken children on trips, including going abroad.
I don’t agree that “because I said so” is a valid reason. It’s certainly part of a power struggle, though.
I also think there’s a big difference between a discussion and shouting a warning.
I always try to explain why things are necessary.
I think it develops the child’s reasoning powers, proves you mean to be fair and also that you care.
The nicest thing is when you hear one pupil explain things to another using your arguments.