As I’ve mentioned before on a few occasions, I see a therapist operated by the students at my school’s psychology department. I’ve been seeing her for, I guess, a year and a half. This woman knows more about me than anyone else in my life, and I mean anyone. In the interest of getting the best out of my therapy, I decided from the get-go to be completely honest about what I’m thinking and feeling. The only person who knows more about me than her is, well, me.
I think this honesty has caused me to develop some sort of emotional attachment to her. It’s not sexual or one that I would want to see turn into any type of out-of-office interaction. But the prospect of having to stop seeing her one day really hurts me, with the same feelings that I imagine people feel when they lose touch with a good friend o end a relationship. For me it may be worse because I’ve shared things with her that I haven’t shared with even my girlfriend, the reason for that being the fact that the gf often doesn’t seem to understand where my feelings are coming from or why I"m having them. I have depression and it seems to be rearing its head a lot these days, despite being on two antidepressants (Paxil and Wellbutrin), so my feelings toward my therapist may be stemming from that.
Has anyone else felt this way about a therapist, or am I alone? I really don’t want to stop seeing her because she has been helpful and is easy to talk to, plus she is a doctoral student too and thus knows somewhat how I feel about my current position in life. I’ve thought of seeing a psychiatrist to help manage the medical side of the issue, and perhaps this would help me “wean myself” off of her. But someone told me in an earlier thread that seeing two therapists was “not kosher.” I asked my therapist about the prospect of my seeing someone in addition to her, and she said as long as she were kept in the loop that she would not see it as a problem.
What am I looking for here? Maybe some anecdotes about your experiences with therapy, depression, life, whatever. And I recognize that no one is my doctor.
The feelings you have are very normal and natural. Your therapist will help prepare you for your eventual separation. So share these feelings as you have everything else.
You may well need the psychiatrist to keep your medications balanced – especially if you are still feeling some depression.
Yes, I have also become attached to a therapist, and I know other people who have as well. We all mentioned how surprising it was that we got over it so quickly when we no longer saw that person for whatever reason. If the therapist ended things there was a(n irrational) sense of betrayal for a bit or guilt that we drove them away. However, we all seemed to get past it pretty quickly, say two days to a week maybe. At the time it seemed like there was a deep, meaningful connection but it turned out to be fairly superficial. Once the sessions were over it became obvious that it was never a friend or family kind of relationship. If they were doing the job right, anyway. It’s hard to miss someone that you shouldn’t! have known a lot of personal details about. Someone who you didn’t spend much time with relative to all the other things that should have been going on in your daily life.
Therapists are trained to be kind, understanding and nonjudgmental. It’s easy to get attached. Therapists, however, are also trained to deal with attachment. When it comes time for you two to break up she’ll deal with the issue.
Now if only it were that simple with regard to barbers. I’ve been seeing the same guy for over 12 years now.
Now that you mention it, I know nothing about her, other than her name. I always thought that was for the protection of the therapist, so some delusional patient couldn’t track the therapist down or harass them. But I guess it could also make it easier to end the sessions, since the emotional intimacy is only in one direction.
This is probably a good thing. I think it is widely believed by psychotherapists that if you do not get transference (i.e, the sort of thing you are feeling), and then work through it and get beyond it, then the therapy will not be effective.
The idea that seeing a psychiatrist and a therapist at the same time isn’t “kosher” is patently ridiculous. Of course it’s kosher! How on earth could it be not kosher. Psychiatrists usually don’t do therapy, but they manage meds. Therapists do therapy, but they can’t prescribe. And all three of you work together to make sure everything’s going well.
Which brings me back to the question of who’s prescribing your meds. If it’s a regular doc, he or she may not be all that up on the latest developments in antidepressants. Paxil and Wellbutrin are “old” drugs at this point. They may well be the right ones for you, but you should probably look into some of the newer options to see if they might work better.
My primary care physician prescribes them. I was on the Paxil before I began seeing this particular doctor and he just decided to continue it, and augment with Wellbutrin.
I think it’s easy to form this kind of attachment with someone who basically acts as your personal sounding board. You get to be as honest as you want and talk about pretty much whatever you want without feeling judged or pressured. This makes it drastically different from most friendships/relationships in that they aren’t sharing back, they aren’t pressuring you to “come clean” or change; they’re basically just there to listen and ask questions that make you think about things differently, or that get you to analyze your own behavior.
While in the past I have gotten attached to a therapist, and really enjoyed the weekly and/or monthly sessions, once I stopped seeing them, it barely even registered. However, this is partly due to the fact then when I have a problem, I have people that I can talk to. If you don’t have any one else you talk to about your problems, ever, then it’s probably more likely that you’ll develop an unhealthy dependency on your therapist.
You would likely benefit from finding a good psychiatrist. A really talented psychiatrist is far more knowledgeable about what meds should be prescribed for different symptoms. In my experience, primary care physicians usually have little talent for it. The fact that the meds you are on aren’t working is a clue that you should get a specialist. Get a recommendation from your therapist, since you respect her. She should know someone.
Most psychiatrists today do not provide any kind of therapy. They just do medication management. They may ask you about your symptoms, but it’s relatively brief. (Usually.)
Is this your first therapist? I felt that way about my first therapist and was heartbroken when she moved. My second/current therapist is a perfectly nice woman, but she was no First Therapist. So, it’s definitely normal, and if you ever do stop seeing her, it will hurt for awhile but it will get better within a week or two.
A kind of weird thing happened to me, though- once I got a new therapist, it seemed that things started to get better really quickly. It was only maybe a month until it got to the point where I am now (going from weekly session to seeing the therapist only on occasion for “maintenance”, every month or two.) I sometimes wonder if I was unconsciously drawing things out because I didn’t know what I’d do when I no longer “needed” the therapy and wouldn’t have my therapist to confide in.
Even though you’ve acknowledged it, I feel the need to re-iterate the “I am not a doctor or your doctor” - but in my experience most GPs/Primary care physicians have the expertise for basic depression, but not medication-resistant depression. Once you start combining or augmenting anti-depressives you’re well into specialist territory (been there, done that on the patient side).
As for the attachment - totally normal, but do acknowledge it the therapist. A risk I’ve run into is when you unexpectedly have to change therapist or leave a good therapist - this can be REALLY distressing, and there’s no opportunity for the therapist to deal with it in an organised way.
I went to a therapist briefly before I moved to my current location and started my PhD program. She was an older woman, probably early 60s then. It helped a little bit, but I didn’t get attached to her at all.
I asked my therapist about this on Tuesday (our normal meeting time) and she thought it would be something to look into. She told me basically the same thing–PCPs are good for basic stuff, but not for resistant depression. She threw it back in my court.
Is asking a PCP for a referral an option? Is it treated like any other referral process, e.g., a referral to an endocrinologist or ophthalmologist?
The best referrals I have gotten for psychiatrists have been from 1) my therapist, and 2) from other doctors that I like/trust, even ones that I only know socially. If you like your PCP, ask him/her for a referral. Yes, you can ask, and say that your therapist thinks it’s a good idea for you to see a specialist.
I saw a therapist who I became very attached to. That was a good thing because she was a very good therapist and we were able to discuss the emotions I felt for her. Therapists are trained to deal with this event and not take it personally. (Psychologists are; I don’t know about master’s level therapists.) Anyway, yes it was hard to leave that therapist, after more than five years. We were making progress the whole time, and we reached some closure before I left. I didn’t just stop seeing her completely abruptly. If I were you, I would definitely talk to your therapist about how you feel not only about her now but about the prospect of not seeing her in the future.
IMHO, psychiatric medications may be appropriate along with psychotherapy if you have a diagnosis that warrants them (such as major depression) but they don’t substitute for it. And … I’m not sure what your therapist meant that it would be okay for you to see another practitioner at the same time, but as far as I know, seeing more than one therapist at once is highly inadvisable. Honestly, I don’t know anyone who’s done it, but I doubt it could be successful.
Seeing a psychiatrist and a counselor (psychologist, social worker, therapist) at the same time is totally normal, as discussed above. Seeing multiple counselors could be a problematic type of doctor shopping. Like if one is suggesting you keep a reflection journal about your emotions and the other is suggesting you keep yourself busy with structured activities to avoid dwelling on negative emotions. Both of those techniques might work, but a patient could play one against the other.
I used to see a psychiatrist, a talk therapist (think: laying on a couch, venting) and a behavioral therapist… we all worked together to help me get better. It’s when you’re seeing three talk therapists or two different psychiatrists (prescribing multiple different meds) that it becomes “not kosher.”
I have had that issue. I also used to have that issue with teachers; I wasn’t one who had many friends my age, so I would get close to the teachers, have riveting discussions, do independent studies, etc., and then when I wouldn’t have that teacher anymore, I’d feel like I was losing a friend. The therapists helped me work through that, so I no longer have those issues with therapists, teachers, coworkers, etc.
