Becoming the total dork: hot ping on pong action

I’ve been progressing nicely as I skirt maturity. 1960’ first edition pulp sci-fi collection, studio musician ensemble theme lounge album colection, parakeets and goldfish, bocce ball and scrabble, dictionaries and and plant books, a generally well rounded dork.

Now I have a new sport. I’m losing my mind to ping pong. The darling Smanata obtained a table from a thrift store and we are ping pong demons. Cookouts with pong on the porch and the stereo a blazing. When it’s too dork, err… dark, we bring it inside to the room which lost its furniture and play off the ceiling.

Woohoo hot ping on pong action!

Anybody know anything about table tennis?

I, for one, welcome our new Dork overlord.

So, do we sacrifice babies to the Dork Overlord too? Cause…if so…I’m all about that.

It’s an effective method of population control. I prefer Jelly Babies (insert big Tom Baker grin here)
“I’d be friends with Stalin if he had a ping pong table.”

Learn to serve correctly! Throw the ball straight up and smack it on the way down. Don’t hit it out of your fingers. You can get some wicket spin on them and no one will be able to hit it. Practice your cut shots too. Once you are good, start playing for “bets”. Winner gets a backrub or does dishes or something. Also, play beer pong.

Oh, and if you get hit in the face at full force, embrace the pain. It’s ping pong pang!

We do play Goldfish Rum Pong. As the house is tiny, the balls often land in the aquarium. That’s a half shot of rum penalty. My personal trick is the Jedi mind trick backspin. The ball hits the other side of the net and then comes back to me. Also, the instant Volley of Doom.

I like the “wicked shot hit off the side of the table only to curve back in and touch the corner of the table while I yell at you at how much I RULE you now drink bitch” shot.

That sounds like a good one. I like a more subtle approach with the “you get ready for my smash the universe delivery only to find the ball land like a wet sock just past the net and now you’re nowhere near it and I’m calmly sipping beer while you regain your compsure” shot.

A player of great strategy, you are!

I even drew a mocking face on my paddle and tend to play disorienting music while dispersing the drinks and chatting. It’s fork pong, the five pronged approach to victory.
I gots ur pong-fu.