Behold, the Trogloraptor!

New species of cave spider with claws found in Oregon, dubbed the Trogloraptor.

I think I’ll delete spelunking from by bucket list.

My first thought: does it Burninate? Although I know it’s supposed to hint “troglodyte,” as in cave dweller.

Kinda bothers me though: whence the “raptor” part? Is it supposed to mean fierce velociraptor or like a bird of prey. I hope not the former, Jurassic Park has annoyingly changed the definition. (Not to mention what people think a velociraptor is, a six foot tall intelligent killing machine, and not a possibly feather-covered think as high as your waist.)

I still might not spelunk, but whew! “not likely to be venomous to humans.” I skimmed and saw “flesh-necrotizing venom” and “area near me.”

A entire new FAMILY of spiders!

That is dang amazing.

Cave Robber.
Sounds like a D&D monster.

As if the SyFY Channel doesn’t have enough source material for movies as it is.

Well, “raptor” is “robber”, but I don’t see anything particularly robber-like about its hypothesized behaviors. The article says the name was inspired by the claws, and the way they’re curved does make them look rather like hawk talons.

Go nerds! Go nerds! WOOT!

A whole new family of spiders, in long-ago-settled and civilized southern Oregon! That totally fucking rocks!

I’ll be looking carefully in caves here in Nevada for a cousin spider, too. If I find one, I’m gonna name it the Meustrogloamicuspedispedis.

Emphasis mine.

Now that’s a family that could give the Kardashians a run for their money.

Everything they say about this species is terrifying, even when they’re trying not to be:

So…there’s a species of spider which diverged 130 million years ago, and hangs from ceilings with scythe-like claws, and even though it’s new to science similar specimens have recently been found in other habitats around the world.

But not to worry; it craves the night and only becomes a fearsome predator when cloaked in shadow. Sleep well.

And the trogloraptor comes in the night!!!