Several times recently people in retail or customer interaction called me “young man” and I bristled every time because I am not a young man, expecially to these people. Anyone else encounter this, and do you feel it’s condescending?
I’m a 56-year-old white guy and though I think I look okay for my age, maybe even a few years younger, I don’t look like a “young man” physically or in the way I dress. So when a 20- or 30-something year old clerk at Target calls me “young man” it sounds like they’re actually taking note that I’m an old man and mocking me. I would never call a 90-year-old “young man” because it’s demeaning and just drawing attention to the fact he’s not young.
Guessing they probably don’t mean much by it, if anything, but it doesn’t land well with me. Anyone else?
I could understand the 90 year-old calling you a young man as young and old are relative to the speaker’s actual age. But from a 20 or 30 year old it sounds insulting.
I’d say that from a 20 or 30 year old it sounds stupid. If some doofus can’t detect that I’m clearly older then them, it’s not a slight against my maturity and experience; it’s a slight against their glasses prescription.
If this happened to me I’d just be confused at what they were trying to get at. Some kind of reality-denying compliment, maybe?
People may think they are a being complimentary when they address a middle-aged adult as “young woman” or “young man”. But I think it is strange practice.
Yep, the whole thing, whilst meant well, means “it’s bad to be old*, you are old so I’ll use a term that actively suggests you are not old”. By making a statement that patently lies about your age, they are de facto insulting your real age.
A call centre I worked at needed the age of the people calling in. If they were clearly elderly we had to ask in the format “How many years young are you” Not enough :rolleyes:
It is strange. There can be a bit of humor in a younger person addressing a 90 year old as ‘young man’ or ‘young woman’, but that isn’t the kind of thing you do with a stranger. It sounds to me a little like ‘OK boomer’, which has it’s time and place, and I’m a bit past middle age now, but I’d suggest young people not use that attitude with me on the wrong day because I have a lot of time on my hands.
In what way is 56 not old? It’s been 20 years since you purchased new clothes. Your music gets put on special stations specifically for old people. You have no idea who popular celebrities are. You get special discounts at stores because of your age. Everything in your body is either hurting, sagging, or broken. In what form or fashion is 56 not squarely in the middle of “old”?
I feel the same way about being called “young lady” - HATE IT!!! It is not a compliment, it is not cute, it is not sweet - it’s obnoxious and patronizing. And I don’t care if you’re 30 years older than I am, I am still not a young lady.
Every time I hear Trebek say it, I want to punch his face! And he’s not even talking to me.
And **Chessic **- I’m 66 and while I’m no longer as active or strong as I was 30 years ago, there’s no way that “everything in [my] body is hurting, sagging, or broken.” And it’s been about a month since I bought some new jeans and shirts.
Unless you’re just trying to be funny, in which case, color me whooshed.
By all means, let strangers rile you up, so that you respond negatively in public. You should have just dropped all packages and raised your fists and yelled, “It’s go time!”
:dubious: Do you interpret “I bristled” as meaning I let strangers rile me up into some crazy rage?
Ummm, no. More like I hardly notice in the moment, then in the parking lot I think “Huh, he called me a young man? Wierd.” Then I get bored at my desk the next day and post a question about it. Not nearly so dramatic.
I can see three contexts where “young man” makes sense:
1: The person being addressed is, at most, in his early 20s.
2: The person speaking is significantly older than the person being addressed.
3: The person being addressed is part of a group, and is younger than any of the other members of the group. For instance, a waiter asking “And what will you have, young man?”.
But if it’s just you, and you’re in your 50s being addressed by a 20-year-old, it doesn’t make any sense.
I can see three contexts where “young man” makes sense:
1: The person being addressed is, at most, in his early 20s.
2: The person speaking is significantly older than the person being addressed.
3: The person being addressed is part of a group, and is younger than any of the other members of the group. For instance, a waiter asking “And what will you have, young man?”.
But if it’s just you, and you’re in your 50s being addressed by a 20-year-old, it doesn’t make any sense.
Meh, I get called it often enough. I never really gave it much thought, especially since most people are saying it simply to get my attention (no different than sir/excuse me/hey), it’s not like they’re being condescending about it, it’s just what they say. I’m willing to bet that anyone that calls you ‘young man’ probably says it a dozen times a week.
A 20 something shouldn’t be calling anyone over 13 “young man” unless they are trying to win a trophy for irony, in which case I salute them.
On the other hand any adult man going into a store in pyjamas deserves a “lil’ fella.”