Being critical of cooking or not?

In My Humble Opinion
1

Let’s say there is a specific food you don’t like. Regardless of how it’s made or who makes it, you just don’t like it. Period.
Then someone makes that food for you for dinner. You have told them in the past you don’t like it, but they make it anyway.
So you eat it, but state once again that you don’t like it. You don’t care how it’s made, or who makes it, you just don’t like it.

Now that person get’s mad at you claiming you’re criticizing their cooking. Are you? Is it being critical of the actual cooking if you indicate that you don’t like something?

In this instance it’s meat loaf. Though I’m a big meat eater, I’ve never really liked meat loaf. I didn’t like it when my mother made it. I didn’t like it when they served it in the cafeteria at school, I tried it at some restaurants and didn’t like it, I’ve tried several different frozen varieties and didn’t like any of them. And when my excellent cook of a wife makes it, I don’t like it either.
It doesn’t make me gag or anything, and I still eat it because that’s the dinner for the night, but I still don’t like it.
Am I being critical or is someone being over sensitive?
I already know the answer. I’m just taking a poll.

2

Over-sensitive. You like what you like, and you don’t like what you don’t like, and it’s unlikely that anything will change that. It sounds to me as if you’ve tried meatloaf often enough, and from enough different sources, to determine that it’s just not your bag. Anyone who insists on cooking it for you, knowing that you don’t like it, deserves to be reminded that you don’t like it.

One more thing, however: if the person who’s doing the cooking wants meatloaf - especially if it’s your wife - then you should not be surprised or offended if she tells you to make your own damn dinner. :slight_smile:

3

Over-sensitive. It’s not your fault that you don’t like meatloaf, and you’ve not hidden the fact that you don’t like it.

I too dislike meatloaf, and can’t for the life of me understand how “Bat out of Hell” did so well. Arf Arf.

4

Try to very nicely and diplomatically ask your wife to let you know beforehand when she’s going to prepare meatloaf for dinner, so that you can make something else for yourself. Tell her that you’re sure it’s great meatloaf, but that you have a personal hangup about meatloaf, she’s a wonderful cook, etc. Tell her that if SHE likes meatloaf, it’s fine with you if she wants to make it for dinner for whoever else is in the family, and that you’re sure they enjoy it very much.

Where I’m coming from: My ex-husband hated anything vegetarian, I like it and would occasionally dare to make some for dinner. He finally learned not to complain about it, but still made faces, etc. and made it very clear that he was highly displeased with what I had prepared. His food preference was meat and potatoes, fat, dessert, no veggies. I just can’t eat that stuff all the time.

5

Your wife didn’t just make you meatloaf for dinner. She made herself meatloaf for dinner. Maybe she really likes her meatloaf. Maybe it’s an easy dish to throw together after a long hard day. Maybe it’s the perfect way to use up the leftover half can of tomato paste.

I don’t particularly like to cook and am not particularly gifted at it. My husband does like to cook and is more talented. However, for various reasons, I am the primary cook most of the time. Since I dislike it, I think pretty much anything other thanks, praise or silence would piss me off. He knows that any complaints will result in a “cook for your own damn self then!” so he wisely refrains.

Maybe if you could figure out what problems meatloaf solves for your wife, you could figure out a way to solve them. If it’s mostly that she likes meatloaf, I say put up with it.

I don’t like meatloaf either.

6

It would bother me that she thinks it is an insult to her cooking that you don’t like her meatloaf, even when you have proven (and it looks like quite satisfactorily) that you do not care for that particular dish.

I do not care for pepper, I really don’t. My ex husband used to put pepper in my scrambled eggs all the time. At first, I was nice about it; thank you so much for making me breakfast, maybe just a tad too much pepper. Then, after the honeymoon, a little more obvious “I really don’t like pepper, I’ll fix my own”. He liked to make me scrambled eggs for some reason, and continued to do so. When I mentioned the pepper, he’d say no problem, he’d leave it out tomorrow. THEN he would put just a tiny, tiny, tiny amount of pepper in, thinking I wouldn’t notice it. It is black, it shows up, even three little grains. You cannot even taste that amount, so why does he do that, other than to irritate me. I’m convinced it is the reason we divorced.

7

Most meatloaf recipes I’ve seen, and I like both cooking and meatloaf, do not fall into the “easy to throw together” category. They generally take quite a bit of sloppy preparation. So, my guess would be she makes it because she likes it.

I can’t really give you an opinion on the OP, pkbites. There isn’t enough background info, and this one could go either way. Does your wife do ALL the cooking? If not, how often do YOU cook? When you cook, if you do, do you cook things that your wife likes, as well as things she doesn’t? Does she ever cook something you really like, that she’s not crazy about? How, exactly, did you express your dislike? Were you polite, or a bit of a jerk? How mad did she get? How often have you done so? How often does she serve meatloaf? And, have you asked her why she continues to serve it?

As someone who cooks for another person who doesn’t, and tries not to cook anything she doesn’t like very often, I consider the answers to all the above questions critical to deciding whether either party is overreacting. It’s not as simple an issue as you’re trying to make it. I realize that’s probably to avoid confusing things, but it doesn’t give us enough context.

For instance, if you said “Thanks for dinner, honey. I still don’t like meatloaf, but I appreciate you cooking for me.”, that’s one thing. If you said, “I don’t like meatloaf. You know I don’t like meatloaf. But, you keep giving me meatloaf. Why do you keep feeding me this crap?”, that’s another.

8

Now there’s a SHOCKER!

This explains a lot. Stop whinging. Yes, you’ve made your (valid) feelings abundantly clear. Evidently your wife enjoys meatloaf and you don’t. Figure out how to cook or learn not to whine. As you can tell, I’m overflowing with sympathy for anyone who complains about the food somone else cooks for them.

9

Yeah! Stop that whinging!

10

I read the OP and then went to eat my lunch. Now I have completely over analyzed the whole thing.

My various interpretations all depend on what is the root cause of the meatloaf preparation

If it is, as has been suggested here, simply an easy or pleasing recipe for your wife ,while I give her a thumbs down for ignoring your earlier comments, just push it around on your plate and load up on the side dishes. Of course over my soup I extrapolated the whole scenario to include some food you love but she can’t stand that she makes and has valiantly suffered through all these years and the meatloaf became symbolic of revenge.

If it’s a control issue, (i.e. “He only thinks he doesn’t like meatloaf because he hasn’t tried *my * meatloaf!”) then you should…oh nevermind. There’s really no winning in a case like that, is there? Watch out for those square meatballs! I can see it all now. She says, “Do you like the meatballs?” You say, “Yup”. “Aha!” she exclaims in victory, “You *do * like my meatloaf. You’re eating it right now.”

If she just accidentally forgot you don’t care for meatloaf then we can hope she won’t make it again until you’re away sometime.

TO answer your actual question I believe that to take your categorical rejection of meatloaf as critcism of her cooking is over-sensitivity on your wife’s part.

As for the egg pepperer - he’s lucky he’s not your late husband instead of your ex!

11

It sounds as though your wife is really missing the fact that you simply don’t like meatloaf. I would understand her sensitivity if your mother made it for you and you ate it by the plateloads but if it’s just flat out rejection of meat loaf, she shouldn’t be experiencing hurt feelings.

Does your wife dislike anything? I would suggest offering to do the cooking for a night and making whatever it is she doesn’t like (even if it is just a side dish or a vegetable) and see how that goes. I’m not suggesting this out of spite but because it seems like she really just doesn’t get it and would possibly understand if the tables were turned.

12

To make food for someone else that you know they will not like is bad manners. If the cook whishes to educate yor pallette (if you only know school and frozen meatloaf, this is quite possible) then they should be ready for you not likeing the food.
Now think did you say something bad by accident about the cook’s meatloaf that upset the cook?
Did you say something like :“Thanks dear, I tried your meatloaf, but I didn’t like it, it was just as bad as it was at school”
That would have been an error, since you (accidentally) compared gastronomiquely superb meatloaf to mass produced meatloaf. That would have given the chef reason to sulk. If the chef wanted meatloaf for him/her self then preparing meatloaf and mince-in-gravey for you would not have been a great hardship. Though if the chef feels they are being forced to do more work than they should, such tactics as preparing food the work-flout doesn’t like is perfectly acceptable (rude still, but a good tactic).
Cheers, Bippy

13

I’d shut up and fix myself something else. Not every couple is going to agree on the same things. I am a very picky eater, but I don’t expect someone else to cater to my whims.

StG

14

With all due respect, I think you’re missing the point. It sounds as though if he got up and said “Thanks but no thanks, you just sit right there, and I’ll fix my own supper tonight because I don’t like meat loaf but you’re beautiful and I worship you” she would still be insulted. What I got from the OP is that she wants to make meat loaf, and she wants him to eat it, regardless of whether or not he likes it. I don’t think that’s right.

15

I dunno. burundi and I both like to cook, and while we like lots of the same things, we also have some foods that are off-limits.

She loooooves eggplant, for example, whereas I mildly dislike it. But because I love her, when she decides to make eggplant dishes, I eat them and thank her for cooking dinner. If she asks whether I liked the eggplant in the dish, I’ll smile ruefully, say that I liked the other ingredients better and that of course I would’ve liked the dish more with a different vegetable, but that it was still mighty tasty. If she doesn’t ask, I won’t say anything: she knows my feeling on eggplants.

I looooove olives; she thinks they’re the turds of demons (or something like that). Every now and then, I make this really yummy, stinky potato salad full of olives, onions, pickles, and blue cheese (did I mention she thinks blue cheese tastes like old sweaty feet?) I love it; she’s glad I love it, and she makes herself something else for dinner on the nights that I make my stinky potato salad.

I would suggest you take these two examples to heart. If it’s a dish you mildly dislike but you can eat, smile and eat it, and be thankful to your wife for providing you with dinner. You’re making a small sacrifice that will make her happy.

If you can’t stand meatloaf, be glad that she gets to eat a dish she enjoys, and make yourself something else for dinner that night. If necessary, apologize to her for not eating her meatloaf (she’ll probably look on it as your rejecting a gift, right or wrong, and there’s no harm in a gracious apology here).

But don’t get resentful toward her, and don’t get self-righteous when her feelings are hurt. That won’t help anyone.

Daniel

16

Daniel is a wise one.

17

I’m not trying to be an idiot here, but I really, really don’t understand the concept of expecting my spouse to eat something (in the comfort and privacy of our own home) he doesn’t like simply to make me happy.

I can’t even fathom it ever making me the slightest bit happpy to have him eat something that I know he doesn’t like. I mean, I completely understand if we are at in-laws or something and he chokes down something he doesn’t like (I’ve done the same) – I really appreciate that. However, if my mother knew he didn’t like something and kept making it anyway, I would never expect him to choke it down.

I seem to be in the minority here, though, so I will definitely ponder the issues.

19

Here’s how I see it:

  1. One person is handling the cooking for two people. It doesn’t matter whether they always handle it or not; tonight, they’re cooking for two, and probably every time they cook, they’re cooking for two.
  2. The cook has a dish she enjoys – either eating it or making it.
  3. She usually makes something else, in deference to her husband’s dislike of the dish.
  4. When she occasionally makes the dish, her husband can smile and thank her and not make a big deal out of it.

Obviously, I’m assuming some stuff here – I don’t know whether pkbites’s wife always handles the cooking, whether she especially likes meatloaf, whether she makes it less often than she’d prefer, etc. But if my assumptions are right, then I think it’s a little bit rude to emphasize your dislike of the meal to her.

Relationships are about give and take. She may be giving to you, inasmuch as she doesn’t make meatloaf very often; if it doesn’t make you gag, you can give to her by not complaining when she does make it.

Daniel
doing his best to channel manda jo and hoping she’ll bring her wisdom into this thread

20

Or, my husband can make himself something that he likes. Or, I could say, I made this for myself but I got that (whatever) that you like and I’d be happy to put it on for you. I can’t really think of a situation where I would make myself a five course dinner in which he would hate every single course and end up making himself franks and beans while I supped in elegance – it’s usually just tweaking a dish here and there.

I agree wholeheartedly that relationships are give and take, but I still fail to see how that translates into “I know you don’t like this but I insist that you NOT make yourself something you like; in order to prove your solidarity in this marriage, you WILL sit there and eat it.” I just do not get that.

21

How often does your wife make meatloaf? If it’s every other week, then you might be justified in complaining. But if she only fixes it once in a blue moon, it’s better just to poke it down. I eat far less eggplant than I’d like to, because I know DanielWithrow isn’t fond of it. But he’s a mensch, and eats the stuff on the rare occasions that I do fix it. OTOH, I wouldn’t be offended if he made a PBJ on those nights either.