This is based on a particular set of books, so I put it in Cafe Society. But I have no objection if people want to talk about non-fictional examples instead or if they want to bring in other examples from fiction.
There’s an historical mystery series by Barbara Hambly set in antebellum New Orleans that stars a free man of color, Benjamin January, who trained to be a doctor but essentially is employed solely as a musician.
The books open with Benjamin coming back to NO from France, where his life was definitely better, because his family is in NO and he suffered a personal tragedy in France. His family consists of a snotty mother and a distant sister (at least as the series begins).
I love these books. They are atmospheric and well-written and January is a great character, but there are times when I just start thinking, “So, you’re in New Orleans… why?” It’s oppressive, racist, and horrible, even for a free man of color. He is constantly frustrated, humiliated, and angry. He has options. But he stays. And there’s no hint that he’s staying to fight for freedom or anything of that nature. He’s not a revolutionary.
At what point do you start feeling like someone who would stay in such a situation shares some responsibility for the things they suffer? Ever? Never?
Tyrion in Game Of Thrones, they even have him say to Shae at one point he stays at King’s Landing and takes heaps of abuse because he likes it and likes snarking back at his family. She asks him to run away with her to one of the free city states to the south, where no one would recognize them and they could live in peace, but he would rather stay and take abuse and dish it out to his dysfunctional family(even risking Shae’s life).
The way he explains it and how he feels makes it sound JUST LIKE an abused spouse staying in an abusive relationship because in a sick way they like it.
It is hard to be too annoyed when the show itself makes it sound like Tyrion is not entirely rational mentally.
I think it really DOES start to sound like an abused spouse, but at least in January’s case, the author really doesn’t try to show him as irrational. I mean, he makes some bad choices, usually in the name of justice, but isn’t really irrational aside from the decision to stay in New Orleans.
Well, he says that he wanted to go home, but considering what he knows of “home,” doesn’t that make you raise your eyebrows a little?