Best and worst rhymes in songs

[ZebraShaSha]

Sure, it does not really make sense, but I like Sparklehorse’s Apple bed because of:
“Of horses wet
with melted ice
they would not heed
my advice
and burdened limbs
of its weight
to break and rot
a whispered fate”

I also like They Might Be Giant’s They’ll Need a Crane:

“They’ll need a crane, they’ll need a crane
To take the house he built for her apart
To make it break it’s gonna take a metal ball hung from a chain
They’ll need a crane, they’ll need a crane
To pick the broken ruins up again
To mend her heart, to help him start to see a world apart from pain”

Sure, it is simple, but in context with the rest of the song it can be pretty interesting.

[Lord_Mondegreen]

Although I loved the song, “Oliver’s Army” by Elvis Costello contained a few questionable rhymes:

e.g.:
Hong Kong is up for grabs
London is full of Arabs

and:
If you’re out of luck or out of work
We could send you to Johannesburg
(OK, maybe that wasn’t meant to rhyme, but it is sort of sung as though it is.)

But the most grating bit of that song is when he changes Oliver’s Army from the singular in one line to the plural in the next:

Oliver’s Army is here to stay
Oliver’s Army are on their way

[pepperlandgirl]

Paul McCartney can come up with some real stinkers.

I KNOW I WAS A CRAZY FOOL,
FOR TREATING YOU THE WAY I DID.
BUT SOMETHING GOT A HOLD OF ME
AND I ACTED LIKE A DUSTBIN LID.

Cringe.

Why couldn’t he use “And I acted like a crazy kid?” It’s not that much better but at least it makes sense for Christ’s sake.

I’ve pretty much blocked out the other examples, but I’m sure they’ll come back to me.

[TJdude825]

@vibrotronica

In the worst rhymes category, I hearby nominate Madonna’s “Vogue”, wherein she bravely rhymes “to it” with “to it”.

@Madonna

Don’t just stand there, let’s get to it
Strike a pose, there’s nothing to it

See, that would be great if the words before the “to it” rhymed. But “get” and “nothing” don’t, so I agree with you. Pretty horrible rhyme.

“Stalk of Wheat” by They Might Be Giants. It flows well, but it’s kind of meaningless, so I think we can put it on the “best or worst? you choose!” list.

I was all out of luck
Like a duck that died.
I was all out of juice
Like a moose denied.
I was all out of money
Like a bunny that’s broke.
I was all out of work
Like a jerk who’s a joke.

Immediately after this, he admits, “And I was out of ideas, like I is,” presumably meaning that he wrote this song because he was out of ideas, and this was all he could think of.

And back to the theatre…

From “Different,” Honk:

If they knew, just how dearly I would love to qu-, qua-, quONK!!!
But it’s true. I’m a bird who seems to lack the knack.

See, it rhymes with what he was trying to say, instead of with what he did say. Clever.

I don’t know much Sondheim, but here’s some Into the Woods:
Into the woods without regret,
The choice is made, the task is set.
Into the woods but not forgetting
Why we’re on the journey.

It flows perfectly. And:

You’ll just leave him a clue
For example, a shoe
And then see what he’ll do
Now it’s he and not you
Who is stuck with a shoe
In a stew
In the goo
And you’ve learned something, too
Something you never knew
On the steps of the palace.

I like it, but perhaps we could have done without “stew” and “goo”?

By the way, does anyone know whether characters’ names are chosen specifically for their rhymes? For example, in Avenue Q, they sing:

Brian: It sucks to be Brian,
Kate: And Kate.
Brian: To not have a job.
Kate: To not have a date.

Did they pick Kate’s name, and then write those lines, working her name into it? Or did they decide while they were writing this song to name her Kate, because they could rhyme it with “date”?

[Kizarvexius]

Another Gilbertian masterpiece is a song from Iolanthe called “When you’re lying awake with a dismal headache”. It is frequently referred to as “The Nightmare”, not only because that is the subject of the song, but because it’s extremely difficult to sing.

The finale of the song is as follows:

You’re a regular wreck, with a crick in your neck,
And no wonder you snore, for your head’s on the floor,
And you’ve needles and pins from your soles to your shins,
And your flesh is a-creep, for your left leg’s asleep,
And you’ve cramp in your toes, and a fly on your nose,
And some fluff in your lung, and a feverish tongue,
And a thirst that’s intense, and a general sense
That you haven’t been sleeping in clover;
But the darkness has passed, and it’s daylight at last,
And the night has been long–ditto ditto my song–
And thank goodness they’re both of them over!

[Lissla_Lissar]

Has anyone else had the joy of reading Danielle Steel love poetry? No? Good.

I thought of Flanders and Swann, too. The Hippopotamus song is particularly clever, although I think my favourite is Madeira M’Dear. Don’t know if the rhymes look particularly clever typed out.

“He had slyly inveigled her up to his flat
To view his collection of stamps.
He said as he hastened to put out the lamp,
The wine, his cigar, and the cat,
‘Have some Madeira, m’dear.
It’s really an excellent year.
And once it’s been opened, you know it won’t keep.
Do finish it up; it will help you to sleep’”

I really like the

“She lowered her standards by raising her glass
her courage, her eyes and his hopes.
She sipped it, she drank it
She drained it
She did.
He quietly refilled it again.
And he said, as he carved one more notch
On the butt of his gold-handled cane.”

bit. Now that I look at it, it’s mostly tempo rather than rhyme. Hmm.

[Marley23]

@pepperlandgirl

I KNOW I WAS A CRAZY FOOL,
FOR TREATING YOU THE WAY I DID.
BUT SOMETHING GOT A HOLD OF ME
AND I ACTED LIKE A DUSTBIN LID.

If you’d said anyone else had written this, I wouldn’t have believed you. But I though “she obviously knows her Beatles” and “it’s Paul.” Still, that’s a low point even for him. Please do share anything else your memory regurgitates.

[stuyguy]

@Ilsa_Lund

IMO, the best rhymes are those that are hidden, either in phrasing or by changing the rhythm.

The best example I can think of is in What’s The Use Of Wondrin’, from Rodgers & Hammerstein’s Carousel:

And when he wants your kisses, you will give them to the lad,
And anywhere he leads you will walk.
And anytime he needs you, you’ll go running there like mad.

He’s your fella, and you love him,
And all the rest is talk.

FWIW, Mr. Sondheim, Oscar Hammerstein’s protoge, admires this song too. But Hammerstein himself had a nagging complaint about the number – one that is not apparent just by reading it on the page.

The song ends with the word “talk,” a word that ends with closed sound, clipped by a consanant. Songs are meant to be sung, not read. Hammerstein hated that the number was so hard to sing and wished he ended the lyric with an open vowel instead.

[Mr.Blue_Sky]

@Lissla Lissar

I think my favourite is Madeira M’Dear.

Tony Randall did an excellent reading of this on a 70’s variety show (whose name I cannot remember).

[MaxTheVool]

First of all, I have to second (or third) Flanders and Swann as the masters of rhyming, and clever lyrics and wordplay in general.

A few more from Madeira M’Dear:

Now if it were gin you’d be wrong to say yes
The evil gin does would be hard to assess
Besides it’s inclined to affect me prowess

and a hilarious rhyme which involves deliberately mispronouncing French:

I don’t care for Sherry, one cannot drink Stout,
And Port is a wine I can well do without;
It’s simply a case of Chacun a son GOUT!

I also love this line from Pippin:

And if all the ploys we’ve picked to really work to bring to pass occur
We won’t have just a victory, we’ll have ourselves a massacre

And while we’re on the topic of generally clever wordplay, from One Night in Bangkok we have:

Some are set up in the Somerset Maugham suite

[Peter_Morris]

From * My Fair Lady*
Ev’ry time we looked around
There he was, that hairy hound
From Budapest.
Never leaving us alone,
Never have I ever known
A ruder pest

[Kizarvexius]

@Peter Morris

From * My Fair Lady*
Ev’ry time we looked around
There he was, that hairy hound
From Budapest.
Never leaving us alone,
Never have I ever known
A ruder pest

Oh, but you forgot my favorite line:

Oozing charm from ev’ry pore
He oiled his way around the floor

[Peter_Morris]

but rhyming ‘foreign’ with ‘aren’ is pushing his luck.

[Johnny_Angel]

Tom Waits lays this line on you:

Well she’s up against the register with an apron and a spatula,

And you think, good lord, how will he ever manage to rhyme that? So, he goes:

Yesterday’s deliveries, tickets for the bachelors

Personally, I consider it a triumph.

[wolf_meister]

Sorry, I don’t know show music that well, so I’ll limit myself to pop music.

Carly Simon who is always very particular about her songwriting would never write something like this (Carole Bayer Sager wrote these lyrics to “The Spy Who Loved Me”)

The way that you hold me,
whenever you hold me.

Wow, I bet Ms Sager had to get the rhyming dictionary out for that one.

Probably Carly’s most famous song “You’re So Vain” has got some great rhymes:

You walked in to the party, like you were walking onto a yacht,
Your hat strategically dipped below one eye, your scarf if was apricot,
You had one eye in the mirror as you watched yourself gavotte.

---

And let’s wind this up with 2 very bad rhymes - “Eve of Destruction” by Barry Maguire (written by PF Sloan)

Think of all the hate there is in Red China,
Then take a look around to Selma Alabama.

That’s really forcing it don’t you think?

---

“Teen Angel” by Mark Dinning (written by Jean Surrey & Red Surrey)
This last verse is classic:

Just sweet sixteen, and now you’re gone, they’ve taken you away.

I’ll never kiss your lips again, they buried you today.

Well it does rhyme but it sure sounds hilarious.

[MacSpon]

Another vote for Flanders and Swann.

When I think of complicated rhymes, the one that always comes to mind is a fragment from their song “Friends”:

When they whispered, “Napoleon pays Josephine’s rent” –
“Nonsense!” said Bonaparte,
“She lives on her own, apart,
In her own apart-ment!”

Sheer genius.

[ZebraShaSha]

I also always loved Pete Seeger. Man, he sure could put a mean song together. From a Draft Dodger’s Rag Song:

“…Sarge, I’m only eighteen, I got a ruptured spleen
And I always carry a purse
I got eyes like a bat, my feet are flat, and my asthma’s getting worse
O think of my career, my sweetheart dear, and my poor old invalid aunt
Besides, I ain’t no fool, I’m a goin’ to school, and I’m
working in a defense plant
I’ve got a dislocated disc and a racked up back
I’m allergic to flowers and bugs
And when bombshells hit, I get epileptic fits
And I’m addicted to a thousand drugs
I got the weakness woes, I can’t touch my toes
I can hardly touch my knees
And if the enemy came close to me
I’d probably start to sneeze…”

[The_Asbestos_Mango]

Seventy-six posts, and nobody’s mentioned Alice Cooper’s immortal

We’ve got no discipline
We’ve got no class
We’ve got no intelligence
We can’t think of a word that rhymes!

[Cisco]

@The Asbestos Mango

Seventy-six posts, and nobody’s mentioned Alice Cooper’s immortal

We’ve got no discipline
We’ve got no class
We’ve got no intelligence
We can’t think of a word that rhymes!

How 'bout ICPs:

You’ve heard this beat 80 times, I’m’a still freak it
and if you notice, my shit don’t even rhyme

[wolf_meister]

Zebra Sha Sha
Actually Phil Ochs wrote “Draft Dodger Rag”.