This has been done before, I feel certain of it–so certain, in fact, that I need not even check the archives. However, as there’s nothing new under the sun, etc.:
What is the worst rhyme you’ve ever heard in a song? (Poetry is allowed, but grudgingly so. ) To qualify, the rhyme must either a) not actually rhyme at all or b) rhyme, but in a hilariously bad way.
My own examples come from the exalted Kanye West, whose music I enjoy because it’s mindbogglingly hilarious (whether intentional or not is debatable). How can you not love a man who endeavors to rhyme:
“harsh” with “SARS”
“mirror” with “euro”
“Anakin” with “mannequin” with “Aniston” with “panickin’”
Now, go forth! Be fruitful and multiply! And most importantly, bring back some hilariously bad rhymes so that we can point and laugh at 'em.
From the bluegrass classic, “Mountain Dew” (by Grandpa Jones and others):
“My Uncle Nort
Was sawed-off and short.
He stood about four foot two.
But he felt like a giant
when you give him a pint
of that good old mountain dew.”
Steve Miller’s Take the Money and Run is practically an étude in godawful rhyming. The best/worst part is this verse:
*Billy Mack is a detective down in Texas
You know he knows just exactly what the facts is
He ain’t gonna let those two escape justice
He makes his living off of the people’s taxes *
Just sweet sixteen, and now you’re gone
They’ve taken you away.
I’ll never kiss your lips again They buried you today
Supposedly, this song was written as a tongue in cheek love ballad, but I prefer to think it was dead-on serious and perhaps they contrived the parody story when everyone found the line so laughable.
Teen Angel was conceived as a parody (it’s a very funny song if you give a slight pause before “They buried you today”) or the various “death rock” songs (e.g., “Last Kiss”), but it was recorded as a straight lament for the death of his love.
I second Take the Money and Run for truly awful rhyming.
The perfect example of rhymes that don’t rhyme is Louis Macniece’s poem “Bagpipe Music,” where every line sort of rhymes, but doesn’t. Examples include rickshaw/peepshow, python/bison, sofa/poker, whiskey/fifty (from the first eight lines). However MacNeice makes it work.
“Now Norman’s a billionaire scientist
Who never had time for his son
But then something went screwy
and before you knew he
Was trying to kill everyone”
Where oh where can my baby be?
The Lord took her away from me
She’s gone to heaven so I got to be good
So I can see my baby when I leave this world.
In the undying words of Dave Barry, “Frankly, if I were the Supreme Being, I would have a rule that you could not get into heaven if you had ever deliberately rhymed good with world.”
) To qualify, the rhyme must either a) not actually rhyme at all or b) rhyme, but in a hilariously bad way.
