I think that a lot depends on relative income. If your daughter is really struggling and having a child is a big strain on her financial situation, then by all means give her gift cards. Or cash. She’s likely about to pay whatever the out-of-pocket maximum is on her insurance, see her health care premiums skyrocket, potentially lose income for 6-12 weeks, and then have a $1500 month childcare bill. In the face of that, the cost of baby “things” is a rounding error. She doesn’t need someone to buy her stuff she could have lived without, she needs a check. Even very practical things like a housekeeping service or nice delivered food are a poor choice if she’s going to be paying late fees and interest on basic bills.
I think this is a shift since you had her 30ish years ago. Relatively speaking, stuff has gotten much cheaper (though there is more to chose from). But everything else has gotten vastly more expensive.
On the other hand, if she’s been saving for the happy event and is able to accommodate all that, then practical gifts are less personal and less satisfying. But even there, what makes sense really depends on how much you want to spend. I’d caution you to think long term: I think a single extravagant “New Mom” present is a lot less important that being able to be periodically generous for a long time. The New Mom gift is more a thing for an aunt or coworker to give.
Gift card to a restaurant they like or a meal delivery service. I’m not sure who does most of the meal prep, but if it’s your daughter, having some other options available can be a big help.
Cleaning service ditto.
Not a specific swaddling blanket, but instructions on how to use all those receiving blankets to swaddle baby. Baby swaddling is awesome.
If your daughter will be breast feeding, then she may want a breast pump.
Expanded access to cable for a year? I have never watched as much true crime and other random tv as I did when I was feeding baby every two hours. We couldn’t afford more channels, or access to Netflix, etc, at the time, so I was pretty stuck for choices.
Also, since you crochet so much, make a few things for Kermit. My mom made some things for both kids (sweaters, hats, blankets) that we really treasured since they were handmade by grandma. Some them got passed on to other family members, or to shelters, and some them are worn proudly by teddy bears.
My daughter is a teacher. Her husband is a manager-trainee for a grocery chain. They don’t have much in the way of savings. She gets 10 days paid, then the rest of her maternity leave is unpaid. The baby is due 2 months before school is out. So money will be an issue.
One thing that does worry me is the cost of child care. When she was a baby, we placed her in a center with awesome care for $60/week. A quick look shows centers in the Orlando area are more than twice that much. I don’t know if her school system has any sort of provisions - I’ve heard of schools in some places that have colocated daycare, but I expect that’s the exception rather than the rule.
Since they live in Orlando, I can’t imagine they’ll use a lot of yarn-made items. I have ordered yarn to make a special blanket that will be big enough for many years of use. And I can make a few things that will be handy when they come north in cooler weather. I also sew, but with few exceptions, you can buy clothing cheaper than you can buy the patterns and fabric to make them.
I did have patterns for some really cute crocheted critters - I need to find them. I seem to recall one was for an adorable frog.
I (mid 40s male) have become known for making cross stitched baby name designs tied to the nursery design. Last one was a Disney baby Mickey design with the baby’s name and date of birth worked into the design. It is purely a momento, and I know not a practical help, but is something I can commit my time to.
I then waited to see what would be needed once baby arrived. Turns out baby didn’t take to breast feeding well and a decent breast pump was well appreciated.
Family is again awaiting a new arrival and c-section is tentatively scheduled for Tuesday the 12th, in two days!!! We know she’s a girl but the parents are holding back on telling family the chosen name. Without the name I can’t really get the design started. I’m going to have to knock out the cross stitch design fast this time once the delivery is announced.
I don’t know about Florida, but in Texas school districts assume that teachers are the second income and they don’t cover any part of spouse or dependent insurance premiums. I pay literally $1000/month to cover my husband and child, and that has a $1200/person deductible. She may be in a similar circumstance, and she may not realize it. Though in my experience grocery stores sometimes have pretty good insurance for long-term employees.
I don’t know what you are prepared to spend, but either a big check or a monthly stipend against the cost of child care/insurance strikes me as a really good idea if you want to provide maximal support.
Also, and this is HUGE, but what I bet she would love is for you to come down and stay and take care of the baby for any time between when she has to go back to work and summer starts. It sounds like it will be 2-4 weeks. That’s a weird amount of time to try to find child care for, but it’s also going to add a lot to the expense for her to stay out the extra few weeks. There maybe other relatives who can help as well. But some sort of plan could save her a lot of money.
There’s an important terrible fact about FMLA and teachers: we receive a check all year, but that pay is tied to 190ish “contract days”. If a normal salaried employee misses a week, they lose a week’s pay: each day is calculated at 1/250ish of their annual salary. Teachers who miss a day of work lose 1/190ish of their annual salary. This means that if you have 20 missed days of work, it translates to no paycheck for a while even after you go back.
Not to get off topic, but don’t the teachers get sick days? I’m also curious about maternity leave. I understand she may have to return to work prior to summer break starting but I’m guessing that’s either paid or unpaid leave which would not count against sick days.
We get 8-10 sick days a year. They do accumulate. In my district, at least, there is no other paid leave unless you purchase short-term disability coverage, which costs the earth and doesn’t cover much. FMLA means you do get 12 weeks unpaid leave. I think most jobs are like this these days.
Thanks, I was really curious about the sick days. Around here teachers get 10 sick days which they can also carry over although I don’t know if there’s a cap on that or not.
as a (basically) brand new Grandpa and soon to be Grandpa Again this month, my experience is that Cash is the best thing you can give. Also, apparently baby bottle tech now has an air tube that keeps bottles flowing freely (yes this was new to me) If the family and friends group is big enough, there is a good chance things like onesies diaper bags and what have you will be given in multiple unless Mom-to-be has taken steps such as a baby-registry (apparently this is a thing now I guess?) to avoid duplication. Otherwise, onesies, diapers, and are they going to use baby bottles that use those baggies or the solid bottles?
A gift card to wherever they register for baby things would be good; many will give a discount on registry items that don’t get bought so the card will have extra bang for the buck.
I like to give a variety of diaper creams b/c there are so many variables when it comes to baby’s skin reactions; Burt’s Bees may work when A&D doesn’t, or vice versa; I know people who swear by the Target store brand cream above all. There’s no telling.
If your daughter hasn’t already, she should sign up for the Publix Baby Club; as well as great coupons for years after the baby’s born, Publix sends coupons for the expecting mom to get free produce, dairy and the like typically within 2 months of signing up.
My go-to gift has become the Boppy pillow and several color coordinated covers for it. It makes holding the baby easier, makes breast feeding easier, can be used later for tummy time and you can snuggle the baby inside the curve of it on the couch to keep them from going anywhere and for sitting them up when they’re a little bigger. For some reason everyone forgets it but I’ve heard from a long list of new moms how much they love and use the thing.
I don’t know what you are actually able to do, but my mother couldn’t make it down to see my son until he was five weeks old (yes, missed the bris, but so what-- she made his upsheren, and that he remembers).
Anyway, I needed help the first weeks, because I was recovering from an unplanned c-section under GA, that followed 27 hours of labor, and I had a baby who was not nursing well, so I was pumping and bottle-feeding breastmilk most meals, which was intensive. I needed help, but we also needed money, so DH couldn’t afford to take time off work-- until my mother offered to pay our bills for a month. That gift was the best thing in the world, because it allowed DH to take several weeks off work to help until I was fully recovered. And fortunately, after five weeks, our son was nursing full-time. That was right before DH had to go to a reserve drill weekend. (He got out of the one right after the baby was born, but he had to go to the next one that came up.)
I would forget about all the stuff, and just send the biggest check you can afford. They can buy stuff down there (no shipping costs), if they think they need it, or they can bank it to pay bills when your daughter, or your daughter and son-in-law, want time off work.
My mother sent stuff too-- she loved shopping for clothes, and kept my son in outfits for years, but she had a lot of disposable income. I don’t know what you have at the ready.
I think one thing a new mum really appreciates is time out for themselves. She might appreciate a few hours being pampered at a spa if that’s her thing. A voucher for one would let her choose a time that’s convenient. I do agree though that if finances are a problem then financial help may be more important.
Nawth Chucka - thanks for the link - I forwarded it to my daughter.
I expect we’ll likely send them as substantial a check as we can afford, plus Christmas comes before her due date, so there’s that. On one hand, I hate that a check means she has to shop herself. On the other hand, it probably is better that she shop for herself. She did tell me they’re thinking seriously about relocating to our area, since both families live here. We shall see how things go.
I never heard of a Boppy pillow, but I have seen them - definitely looks promising!
Thanks to all for the suggestions. I’m now ready when my sibs ask what they can give.
There are a lot of options for shopping from home now, maybe she’s interested in that? My current employer has a contract with a delivery service which seems like a luxury but I could see where a year’s subscription to something like that, to a store which not only has general groceries but also baby supplies and general goods, might be very helpful to new parents. (The service our store uses has $49/six month and $99/1 year subscriptions with unlimited numbers of trips and no additional charges for orders over $35. Delivery can be direct to your door and the shoppers will call/text you while shopping if there are issues or questions (like, they’re out of zucchini, is yellow squash OK or skip that entirely?) and at least at our store the service is available 24/7 every day except Christmas.)
Amazon sells more than books these days - maybe a gift certificate to them?
When my spouse was in his final illness I started using a laundry service to save me time (and my sanity) - would something like that be helpful? The one I used was a drop-off/pick-up service at a laundry mat, but it saved me a LOT of time I could spend with my family instead and about half the time a good Samaritan covered my bill - maybe you could make an arrangement with a local laundromat for you to cover their bill, or maybe pay something in advance so they have an “account”?
Just to go a different direction from the clothing and baby gear ideas (all good), would you consider adding in some baby books? What they lack in practicality they make up for in sentimentality. There are threads around SDMB with people asking for and receiving recommendations. The best recommendations are, of course, the ones that I made.
