Since we seem to be on another Western movie kick lately, I’ll ask the obvious: What is, in your opinion, the best line of spoken dialog in a Western movie?
My top-of-the-head choices:
“Who are those guys?” Butch Cassidy and the Sundance Kid
“Fill your hands, you son of a bitch!” True Grit
“…But I’ve always been lucky when it comes to killin’ folks.”
Tombstone(one of many)
Billy Clanton: Why, it’s the drunk piano player. You’re so drunk, you can’t hit nothin’. In fact, you’re probably seeing double.
[Billy Clanton draws a knife]
Doc Holliday: [takes out a second gun] I have two guns, one for each of ya.
Unforgiven
That’s right. I’ve killed women and children. I’ve killed just about everything that walks or crawled at one time or another. And I’m here to kill you, Little Bill, for what you did to Ned.
All right, I’m coming out. Any man I see out there, I’m gonna shoot him. Any sumbitch takes a shot at me, I’m not only gonna kill him, but I’m gonna kill his wife, all his friends, and burn his damn house down.
The Outlaw Josey Wales:
Bounty hunter #1: You’re wanted, Wales.
Josey Wales: Reckon I’m right popular. You a bounty hunter?
Bounty hunter #1: A man’s got to do something for a living these days.
Josey Wales: **Dyin’ ain’t much of a living, boy. **
Ethan Edwards: That’ll be the day.
–The Searchers
Wyatt Earp: Skin that smoke wagon!
–Tombstone
John McCabe: You boys gotta make up your minds if you want to get your cookies. Cause if you want to get your cookies, I’ve got girls up here that’ll do more tricks than a goddamn monkey on a hundred yards of grapevine.
–McCabe & Mrs. Miller
Unforgiven:
“I’ll bet you think I’m kickin’ you, Bob!”
“Deservin’s got nuthin’ to do with it.”
Someone used this as one of their favorite quotes on Facebook, but typed it wrong. It said “Smoke that skin wagon!” She was embarrassed and changed it pretty soon after.
“The hell with them fellas. Buzzards gotta eat, same as worms.”—The Outlaw Josey Wales
Though I never liked that line, I agree it’d the best quote I ever heard that sums up a ‘Western’.
Another:
“If you’re gonna shoot, shoot! Don’t talk!”
Lonesome Dove:
“I hate rude behavior in a man…I won’t tolerate it”.
The Outlaw Josey Wales
Josey: When I get to likin’ someone, they ain’t around long.
Lone Watie: I notice when you get to DISlikin’ someone they ain’t around for long neither!
A recent thread had quite a few quotes from Little Big Man. Any number of those would qualify here.
Alfonso Bedoya in Treasure of the Sierra Madre,
“Hey I know who you are - - You’re the guy in the hole!”. That pretty much is the end of Bogie.
He’s the one who also has the “Stinking Badges” line.
Unforgiven: “He shoulda armed himself”…
Steve McQueen: We deal in lead, friend.
-and-
Yul Brynner: You forget one thing: we took a contract.
Steve McQueen: It’s sure not the kind of contract any court would enforce.
Yul Brynner: Yup. That’s just the kind you’ve got to keep.
So many Blazing Saddles lines… so little time.
Jeremiah Johnson
A man in the wilderness is buried up to his neck in the sand.
Jeremiah: The Injuns put you here?
Del Gue: Tweren’t Mormons.
The Man Who Shot Liberty Valance
Strother Martin: I’ll get it Liberty.
John Wayne: <punt>
This scene cracks me up every time.
–John Wayne, McLintock!
You beat me to it. From the same movie:
“…wanted in fourteen counties of this state, the condemned is found guilty of crimes of murder, armed robbery of citizens, state banks and post offices; the theft of sacred objects, arson in a state prison, perjury, bigamy, deserting his wife and children, inciting prostitution, kidnapping, extortion, receiving stolen goods, selling stolen goods, passing counterfeit money and contrary to the laws of this state the condemned is guilty of using marked cards and loaded dice. Therefore, according to the powers vested in us, we sentence the accused before us, Tuco Benedicto Pacifico Juan Maria Ramirez and any other aliases he might have, to hang by the neck until dead… may God have mercy on his soul… proceed.”
and:
“…wanted in fifteen counties of this state, the condemned standing before us… sitting before us… Tuco Benedicto Pacifico Juan Maria Ramirez has been found guilty by the third district circuit court of the following crimes: Murder, assaulting a justice of the peace, raping a virgin of the white race, statuatory rape of a minor of the black race… derailing a train in order to rob the passengers, bank robbery, highway robbery, robbing an unknown number of Post Offices, breaking out of the state prison, using marked cards and loaded dice, promoting prostitution, blackmail, intention of selling fugitive slaves, and counterfeiting. Crimes against places of high authority include burning down the courthouse and sheriff’s office in Sonora. The accused is also guilty of cattle rustling, horse thievery, supplying Indians with firearms… misrepresenting himself as a Mexican General, unlawfully drawing salary and living allowances from the Union Army. For all these crimes the accused has made a full and spontaneous confession. Therefore we condemn him to be hung by the neck until dead… may the Lord have mercy on his soul… proceed.”
I’ve always liked a line from The War Wagon.
Kirk Douglas and John Wayne are going into the bar. Two bad guys sneak up behind them and draw. The Good Guys turn at the same time and shoot the bad guys.
Kirk Douglas says, “Mine hit the ground first.”
Wayne replies, “Mine was taller.”