Best telling-off you've ever given

In My Humble Opinion
1

Let’s face it: there are times when someone around you is being an incredible nitwit and just badly needs to be told off, for their own good. Sometimes we bite our tongues; other times we give them the thorough tongue-lashing they so richly deserve.

For me, it was an incredible relief to tell my mother just what I thought of her back in December. “Now, I know you felt like I abandoned you,” she said, and I fired back, “No, mother, I didn’t feel abandoned, I WAS abandoned!” I then proceeded to tell her everything I’ve felt for years, and refused to let her dismiss them. I’m very pleased with myself for getting that out of the way before I left Mississippi.

Another time, this girl I was trying to help out of the goodness of my heart snapped at me in a very rude way. I said, “You talk to me like I’m a dog. Worse, because no one I know would talk to their damn dog like that!” She got very quiet and I didn’t hear anymore lip out of her.

So when have you just finally let someone have it?

2

My senior year in high school. I was very busy with extracurricular activities, I mean I had them overlapping and one activity, I was president of the spanish club, had had enough of my not always attending their meetings. I was given a heads up by one of the members that club was holding a special meeting to discuss advising me that I was going to be replaced. I was notified in first period, by the end of the day, I had written the most slap in your face, how dare you stirring speech that I could not wait to deliver it. And let me tell you, I did it with flare and purpose, way above the average high school kids emotion and reasoning.

I stood at the pulpit and spoke about the humbleness of the club, how it had languished in obscurity for so long until my reign, err presidency. I reminded them that if it hadnt of been for my saving their ass at the last minute when someone backed out in donating their vehicle for the homecoming float, we would not have taken second place. I reminded them that I had brought the club to the fore front of school politics were it belonged, with the highest member count in its history. and I ended with something about how they were being cowards, since I had to hear it second hand, instead of from a group council meeting. I dared them to find another president as self less and giving as I had been. and I walked out. Some members later told me that they felt like they had been admonished by a parent and I had made them feel the worst they ever felt. Good. that stalled the coup for about 3 months, and since I was still too over scheduled, inevitably I was replaced.

But it remains one of the best tell offs in me personal history.

3

I got this phrase from the SDMB

Back when I was teaching high school, I had a kid who was a chronic complainer. Nothing was his fault and the world was against him.
One morning he was griping about something and I interuppted him with:
“Hey…your getting the floor wet. Quit crying.”

The class cracked up and the kid cussed me out and shut up.

4

Hey guys! Some other guy giving you crap? Want him to shut up and go away? Just remember these nine little words:

"I used to fuck guys like you in prison."

Tentacle Monster takes no responsibility for the consequences for the use of above words. This phrase comes with absolutely no warranty, but is distributed in the hopes that someone will find it useful. It’s in your grocer’s freezer.

5

(bows to the tentacled one) That was pure genius.

6

It wasn’t a particularly “good” tell-off but it gave me a lot of personal satisfaction - one of the first times I ever really told someone off in my life, which is why I still remember it today I guess:

I was a cashier at a store, and was cashing out a customer. I did something that one of the other cashiers didn’t approve of, and she told me so, in front of the customer. I didn’t appreciate being reprimanded by a fellow coworker (as opposed to a manager or some sort of supervisor), especially in front of a customer. So, waiting until the appropriate moment (and a good amount of seething time later) I turned to her and said

Me: By the way, Jane, I wanted to congratulate you.
Jane: Oh?
Me: Yes, on your promotion to Customer Service Manager.
Jane: Oh, no, I would never do that job.
Me: Oh, well I figured you must have gotten promoted if you feel you can tell me how to do my job.
Jane: (stunned silence)

Never did have a run in with her again after that.

7

I don’t remember too many special “telling offs,” (though I suppose I do my share), but I found myself repeating to coworkers an especially heated discussion I’d had with a universally disliked supervisor.

I was a new hire, a little timid and scared and hoping I’d measure up. But one thing I knew was a deal-breaker: I was not going to work with a “client” (patient—I worked in a healthcare-related field) that was notorious for being violent. Not only was this individual violent, but the powers that be, this person’s guardians, everyone, it seemed, looked the other way and did nothing of substance to stop it. It looked like a hopeless situation to me. There were reasons why this situation was the way it was, but I won’t get into that here.

The supervisors’ jobs, it appeared, were to dupe clueless newbie employees into working with this violent individual. But I’d been warned and I’d done my own investigation (asking lots of questions of coworkers) and I decided that there was no way. No way was I going to get beat up, have huge hanks of my hair yanked out; no way. No job is worth that, especially when you know that THEY AREN’T GOING TO DO ANYTHING TO STOP THE VIOLENT BEHAVIOR. (Gee, I guess I still feel pretty strongly about the situation, don’t I?)

So, this universally disliked supervisor paid a visit to me, with the purpose of duping me into working with this violent individual. I said, “No.” She then started her guilt and pressure tactics. Got very irate. How dare I refuse! How dare I not “give this person a chance.” (A chance for what? To beat the crap out of me?)

I was timid, scared, a new employee, all of that stuff. I knew she was banking on my timidness as a newbie to work in her favor, as I’d been pretty laid-back and compliant up until that point. She was counting on being able to guilt me and bully me into doing this thing. But no way. I kept on getting more pissed and more adamant. Finally I said, “Unemployment would be an attractive alternative to working with this person.” To that, the supervisor got in a huge huff and stormed out, declaring me completely unreasonable. Gee, sorry lady. Sorry that your pressure tactics didn’t work.

I was never really pressured again to work with that indivdual. There’s really nothing you can do to pressure someone to do something if they make it clear that they’ll quit. What can you say? “Do this or you’re fired”? That’s obviously not going to work.

The rest of the time the supervisor worked there (she moved onto something else less than a year later) she gave me a wide berth. We were never nasty to each other, but definitely wary.

8

Where Shirley Got Back.
I was 19. My back bone was just starting to slowly grow up my spinal column.

I was at this ‘highly reliable garage’ that my mother’s friends recommended. It was across town and a pain in the ass to get to.

My POS car was at this garage for the third time in three weeks for what I felt was the same problems. It felt like it was about to stall as I was giving gas.

However on visit one, it was X ( said part, can’t remember).

Visit two ( with exact same symptons as Visit one) the problem was Y ( different
part, can’t remember.)

Like a maroon, I left my car there and returned a couple days later to get it. I was out about $450 now.

When I went to pick up and pay for my car, my mom had driven me there and was waiting in the the microscopically small waiting room with three older little old ladies like herself. I paid, took the keys and got on the road. I wasn’t to the first light when the exact same problem came up again. I was fuming.

I spun my car around, drove into the parking lot like a posessed woman, got out and asked the mechanic standing there who was outside why the problem wasn’t fixed. ( Or something resembling it. I was ticked. Being ticked was an emotion never shown outside the house, inside the house I was a spaztic teenager. Until this incident.)

He said something about, " Oh, it must be (Whatever) then." Which was not what I had just paid $200 for to be replaced.

I stormed inside the place and my mom was at the counter. (Had it been anyone else, I would have never done this. I would have waited my turn, cooled off and lost my nerve.)

He gave me some flimsy excuse that just sent my BS meter off the charts.

I just lost it, but not in a screaming hysterical shrew kind of way, more of the way Josey Wales talked, minus the cheroot. I talked with my teeth clenched and said something like, " Can you explain to me why I have had my car here three times for the same problem, and have paid $600 to have it fixed, yet as I just left your place, the original problem is still there, it hasn’t gone away or made even remotely better. " I waved my hand to the old ladies sitting there listening, This part is nearly verbatim. " I am 19 years old. I have given you $600 dollars to fix this problem. That is my month’s wages for you to fix this problem, three times, which you haven’t done. I live at home with my mom, I can get a second job or something. I will survive. But what if you are screwing these women behind me? They are probably on a pension and social security. $600 could ruin them. " I ended somehow, I’m not sure, but I was really proud of myself.
I left in a huff and drove off like a lunatic, pissed at them, all the way home, hoping my car would make it to a reasonable proximity to our house before crapping out on me so I could walk the rest of the way. It made it all the way home. ( more later on this.)

My mom told the rest of the story.

The guy apologized to my Mom for witnessing such a thing and they’ve never had any problems iwth other clients…blah…blah…blah. “She must be on the rag or something.” (Can you beleive someone would say something like that to a customer they don’t know?)

My mom kept her tone neutral. " She’s pretty upset. I think she has reason to be upset. It takes alot for a girl like that to come storming in like that…"

The guy eyed her.

My mom said, " She has a point. If you can’t fix the same problem with a car in three visits, you aren’t competant. If you are willing to take advantage of a teenage girl like that, you are more than willing to take advantage of a bunch of helpless old ladies. "

The man began to sputter.

“She isn’t normally like that. I’ve never seen her go off on someone like that before. Not like that. Ever. I should know. I’m her mother.”

The guy didn’t believe her, as we look zero alike, and she told him my name and she showed him her driver’s liscense as proof, accompanied with my Graduation photo.

My mom left, and *all * the little old ladies waiting to drop off their cars left with her.
Yay. I still get stoked all these years later thinking about it.

So, later on, I am at my lofty job at the video store. I am pissed and sulking and feeling like I bent over for those freaking mechanics and feeling raw.

One of my regulars in the store saw my funk and asked what was wrong. I wasn’t my bright sun shiney sarcastic self. Not one to give the melodrama of my life, I just muttered, " Car problems."

Turns out he is a master mechanic and he listened and asked if I had taken any of the old parts after they were replaced. For some reason, I did and he asked if he could take my car into his shop. You bet.

Turned out the other garage shafted me big time. The problem with my car was , IRC it’s fuzzy now, carbon build up from lack of driving and that manic drive home like a berzerker on speed helped clear most of it out of the engine. He called up the other garage and essentially got my money back for me in cash or he would take them to court on my behalf.
Double YAY!

9

Oh good god. More times than I can say, no doubt more than I should have.

The most recent most satisfying time was about six years ago (“I got better…”). Will probably horrify most Martial Artists.

My instructor as I closed in on my Black Belt was a younger guy who had just gotten his own black belt and taken over as our school instructor. All full of himself. Didn’t like me at all and unfortunately he let it show far too much. Very unprofessional of him.

Incident 1> I was ‘assistant teaching’ a class one day, part of the belt requirements. The class was all children. As I walked around to “help” the students, one of them asked me to help him figure out the move. I did so, walking through it slowly with him and talking very quietly so as not to disturb the rest of the class. Just as the boy thanked me for helping him, the instructor blew up, screaming at me in front of the class to shut up, because HE was the teacher here. Shocked and frightened the children no end.

Incident 2> I was sparring, getting ready for the exam, so he was having me spar everyone in the room, one after another. I was seriously wiped out when a teenage kid came up against me. I aimed a kick at his chest. He ducked down and forward and I ended up clipping him on the chin. Not full speed, I was able to check it slightly. Instructor Asshole screams at me for better than five minutes, in front of everyone, about my lack of control.

Many other incidents. Like I said, he was seriously unprofessional.

After a third incident where he ripped into me in front of the class for talking in class (to my training partner, about the move we were practicing), he called me into his office.

We get in there and sit down and he turns to me and screams “I’ve had about all I can take out of you!” At which I stood up and screamed back “And so have I!” and let him have it about his unprofessional conduct and bad attitude.

Three months after I got my belt, at the next exam, a girl asked him if I was one of his students. I was standing five feet away and he says “Yes, but he’s not very good and he talks too much”.

He eventually got fired and denied his second degree black belt. Can’t have happened to a more deserving guy.

10

I admit I’m a very non-confrontational person. I hate conflict and animosity, so I usually take the world’s crap and just sit on it and stew and wish I had said something. But I now have an all-purpose phrase I use when someone pushes me too far:

“Choke on my fuck.”

I don’t yell, because I despise raising my voice. But if you say it to an offender just loud enough, you can stun anyone into silence.