Telling someone off

I have a high pressure job which requires me to deal with all kinds of people. A good percentage of these people are rude and abusive. Although I would love to give many of them a piece of my mind, I also love getting a regular paycheck, so I keep my mouth shut.

Has anyone here ever told someone off? It doesn’t have to be job related. What were the circumstances? Did it feel good?

During a High School drama production, our “producer” was an obnoxious, self-absorbed prick (who really didn’t “produce” anything… but he couldn’t act, he couldn’t tech, he couldn’t even point a spotlight real well, so our director had to put him SOMEwhere). Anyway, he’d always brag about his importance (“This play wouldn’t go up without me!” and such). Finally, I got so fed up with his arrogance, I basically cornered him (I’m a lot bigger than him, and he knows I could rip him a new one easily, so he listened well) and told him that he was completely worthless to the show (except I used language that even the Pit wouldn’t tolerate). Anyway, after that, he kind of shut himself up whenever I was in earshot.

You know, I really must be paranoid because when I clicked over to this thread and waited for it to open, I was hoping it wasn’t about me :confused:

I haven’t told anyone off, but I may be close to doing it.
I’ll apologize in advance for the hijack:

My uncle was about to get divorced from the true, the only “bitch from hell” (not to be sexist here). I won’t go into a lot of detail, but this woman tricked my uncle many times, she badmouthed our family on NUMEROUS occasions
and finally tried to get a quickie divorce, only to have our family hire a lawyer and successfully get financial support for my uncle.

THEN and only then, she took him back, and dropped the divorce proceedings.

This weekend was my grandmother’s birthday, and they invited my uncle (her son) and, unfortunately, this horrible woman as well.

In Shayna’s birthday thread, I made a cryptic comment that I was planning to “boycott” my grandma’s party. This is why–I’d heard my aunt was going to show up and I wanted no part of being in the same place as her.

I was asked by my parents, aunts and uncles, why I felt so strongly, particularly as I really haven’t been directly affected by this, unlike some of my other family members. (Others hate this horrible woman, too, but none have come to the decision I have, which is not to attend ANY get together that this bitch is likely to come to)

My answer: because I know myself, and if I saw this person, I was going to tell her off, period. I’m incensed enough over her actions (btw, she has shown NO remorse, nor apologized over the things she had said, nor even changed her behavior, which is a MUST if you expect me to bury the hatchet), that I’d have done it, although the time and place would have been inappropriate–at my grandmother’s birthday party, at a house that she was, after all, invited to, and in front of my young cousins, who I just adore.

But it’s BECAUSE of the people I do care about, particularly the youngsters who often play with me and want my attention and who have NEVER seen me get angry, that I didn’t want to be put in the situation where that might happen.

However, rest assured that I knew damn well I would confront this horrible individual if we were at the same place at the same time, children and grandmother or no. And even if their presence, and my family’s reactions, would probably have mitigated my feelings, lemme tell ya something–I’d have felt f$%$ing GREAT!

Actually, this may yet happen someday. My aunt decided not to attend this reunion, but she has the brazenness of a burglar, and she eventually will. At that point, I’ll stop going to my own family reunions, but I’m not sure how long I’m willing to “boycott” them. Eventually, I’ll either have to go or button my lip, or say what I truly feel. Hint: bet on the latter.

End of hijack. Whew. Anyway, I sound like a hothead here, and really don’t mean to be that way. I’m not a complete coward but I generally avoid confrontations–saying things that I know will piss people off or make them cry is not something I normally do. I honestly can’t even remember the last time I actually DID tell someone off.

Michi, this may be the wrong place and time to say this, but I’ve read many of your threads, because I think you are a fascinating person, and, additionally, I’m an animal lover. So I’ve read a lot about your job frustrations. I don’t blame you a bit for how you feel, and I imagine in your position, I might have gone off on someone LONG before now. I’m guessing that something happened this weekend? Or several somethings very recently?

You are right that such venting might very well cost you your job, or cause you to be disciplined at the least. Under most circumstances, it’s almost certainly not worth it–however, there may very well come a point that it would make you feel so good that it IS worth it. (I suppose it’s also true your employer might actually back you, but it’d be risky to count on this.)

Whether you’ve reached the point where telling someone off and damning the consequences would be worthwhile, is, of course, a personal decision. My own feeling is you’ve probably not reached that point if it’s going to put your job at risk. I suspect you’ve been dealing with these people for a long time, and you’ve gotten used to most of this crap by now.

Probably best to vent on these boards, and use it as a form of catharsis, as opposed to getting into a fight or causing problems with your job. If my guess is right and something did happen to set you off, maybe venting here will help. (If you don’t feel comfortable doing so publicly, then e-mail me-click on my profile-privately. I’m a good listener/reader.)

If I’m reading too much into this and “nothing happened”, then never mind. But reading the OP concerned me. In my short time on the boards, you’ve been nice to me and have struck me as one of the most very likeable person here. I’d do what I could to return the favor.

I feel somewhat better myself. Maybe venting will work for you.

Again, sorry for the hijack.

I’ve told off a few people… but the theater story above reminded me of the time I was starring in a play in high school…

It was dress rehearsal and the guy playing opposite me just didn’t take things seriously enough… he almost missed rehearsal for some sports thing. Anyway, he was goofing off on stage and stuff… and it came to the scene where we’re supposed to kiss… and I just went off on him. I yelled and screamed and told him exactly what I thought of him… then I hit him.

DOH!!

That school’s theater program sucked… it was a school I only attended for one semester, but I was used to my regular school, where the drama department was run like a real theatre company. Which makes my going off the hook even less excusable–it was dress rehearsal, I should have kept my head.

In the end, the show went well though… even the kissing scene, and the scene where he threw me on the bed and tickled me.

I’m pretty good at telling people off. It usually takes a lot to get my fuse lit, but once it’s lit, forget it. I explode and one way or the other whoever lit it is gonna hear what I have to say. During my lifetime I’ve probably told off a couple of dozen.

The thing is, once I tell them off, they come back and apologize and we usually have a better relationship.

[hijack]

Hey, Opal, I’m sorry your school’s theatre program wasn’t up to snuff. Mine was amazing (our director was full o’ crack an’ acid), but I only got to participate in it for a year. Then I graduated… kicking myself for not getting involved earlier.

[/hijack]

This story is from when not everyone in our office had a computer.

My department had 4 computers, one of which (I’ll call #4) was used rarely and had a mouse pad that was falling apart. The other three (#1, #2, #3) also needed new mousepads, so I bought 3 very vividly colored pads with my departments overhead account.

During a lean time, instead of laying off my friend Liz who used computer #3, she was transferred part-time to another department, but still continued to work at #3. One day she was called by my boss to do something on #4. Its mouse pad being crappy, she just used the one from #3 to #4.

The next day, her birght pink pad was gone. (She got through the day with the crappy pad.) After normal business hours, I was walking by her new boss’s office (Will), and lo and behold, there was her mousepad on his desk. He thought that anything his employees used was his, so he had just taken it.

(Now, this company’s departments were very antigonistic in some ways. So taking something purchased with the other’s money was a big no-no.)

Instead of taking it to his boss (where I thought I’d sound whiny complaining about the “theft” of an $8 mousepad), I just took it and put it back on computer #3’s desk.

The next day, Will came huffing and puffing over to my desk. He demanded to know if I’d taken the brightly colored mousepad off of his desk. I got a little butterfly in my stomach, but then I got self-assured, opened my desk and pulled out a copy of the purchase order for the pads. I showed him the PO and said, “The only mousepads that we have like that are the purple one at Karl’s desk, the pink one on mine, and the pink one at Liz’s that I purchased with my department’s overhead account using this PO for $8 each at MacSource.”

He glowered at me for a few seconds, and I back at him. He then stormed off, and I never heard another word about mouse pads again.

DRY–I used to have a thread called Animal Emergency, in which I would discuss all the odd or interesting things I encountered at work. I also used the thread to rant about the people who pissed me off. Sometimes it did feel good to vent about it, but overall, recounting my angry moments only made me more angry, you know what I mean? Also, I felt that after a time my ranting sounded redundant, and I didn’t want to bore everyone else. :slight_smile:

And yeah, the very first client I had to deal with last night was EXTREMELY rude to me before I had even opened my mouth. The thing that bothers me the most though, is that the animal is the one who has to suffer the most. Once a rude client walks out the door I never have to deal with them again, the poor sick or injured animal has to go home with them.

I usually get them to tell themself off. I must say its a bit of an art; but then they can only blame themselves later.

Whether you tell someone off or not really depends upon the individual in mind and the circumstances. I had a terrible situation on my last job where I was interim team leader for what seemed a year] and another employee thought that she should be team leader. This woman was foul, mean, vicious, incompetent and anti-team. We were are an antiques sale [by coincidence] and she pointed a shot gun at me while she smiled. Shivers. Our kids attended the same school and at schoo functions she would do the most weird things like yell thru my ear at someone across the plaza [while I’m talking with one of the teachers. She accused me of illegal acts. She would accost me in the hallway and yell at me. She would reverse program decisions while I was on travel. She was a real pain in the ass. Yet, whenever I tried to straighten out our relationship or at least reduce the attacks so the team could act like a real team, she would burst into tears and say that I was bullying her.

Everyone on our team recognized this woman is nuts and I was always supported by the team members as being a good team leader, a professional and “not letting this mad woman get to me”. I was not supported by the higher-ups regardless of whatever specific issue I raised. I was told “work it out” and yet this fell well into her tactic of hysterics and cries of unfair.

Frankly I see a great possibility of this extremely unhappy woman going completely postal some day. She wants promotions but she can’t produce and doesn’t have the smarts or technical background to do so. Her interpersonal skills are horrendous. She has left her reputation in various regional groups where she has worked in absolute shambles.
I hear from friends in HQ that she has pissed away a good program [where my reputation continues to gain strength, not to brag]. This is my sweet revenge.

There are folks who just aren’t worth the effort to engage in a pissing match - especially if their mental balance is questionable. The cat fight just escalates until someone loses it completely - gone postal.

People who cannot express their feelings verbally usually substitute emotion and volume for their lack of communication abilities/interpersonal skills. Sorta like Frankenstein’s monster- “Fire Bad! Urrrrr!” I always would say to myself after the person was gone how that person’s friend(s)/spouse must hate them.
This one time, a woman at the mall (standing on the sidewalk) looked at my car (which was moving towards the patch of road in front of her) and stepped in front of it. At this point, I told her that she should be careful about stepping in front of cars, because it can be unhealthy. (I have found a calm, but odd approach can usually get people to agree and move on, but I still get to tell them off) Well, she started yellin’ and hollerin’ about how she did not see my girlfriend in the car with me, and how nobody wanted me, and such. She made quite a scene. I was tempted to say my girlfriend was in the trunk, but I was driving a hatchback. Well, I noticed she was with a ladyfriend of hers, and there was no boyfriend evident. I pointed this out to the woman in question, and she yelled at me that she was getting married and had been shopping for her wedding at the mall.

My response (and loud enough for all to hear) “My condolences to the groom…”

My Best Tell Off.

My senior year of hs, I was kinda dating this guy who had sex with two other girls when I got mono (Please don’t say anything; I’ve heard every “kissing disease” joke imaginable) and was sick for two months. I found out about a month later (after he started avoiding me–bastard didn’t even have the balls to dump me!) and got really pissed, not because he cheated on me, but he always had this insecure “I’m such a loser, if you were to leave me I’d kill myself because I don’t have any confidence and girls hate me” routine he’d pull on me all the time. If he really did have no confidence, I doubt he could be seducing and using all these other girls. Anyway, I went over to his house (when one of this girls was over) and just yelled at him totally incoherently, just screaming and ranting. I punched him in the mouth (I’ve been lifting weights for awhile) and he just got his tongue pierced two days earlier, so it hurt like hell. Plus, he wasn’t expecting it, because I’m thin and people assume I’m weak.
Gosh–just remembering that day makes me feel damned good!

…but hurray for you, ThisYearsGirl! Some people need punching in the mouth, desperately.

I was recently told off, quite viciously, by a now ex-friend, for no good reason-- this woman has the emotional maturity of a mosquito, and I’m not entirely surprised it happened. I’ve handled it by cutting off all contact and not responding at all to her psycho tantrum. Some people, like my “friend,” live for conflict. If you deny them that, it’s far more effective than telling them off in turn. Of course in her case, I’m just tired of dealing with it, which strengthened my resolve.

In a similar vein, I often have to deal with irate phone calls, and I must admit I get a charge out of being super-polite in the face of nastiness. It throws people; they can’t quite decide if you’re being nice to them for real or not.

I’ve given a few people on this earth a good piece of my mind. I won’t get into details, I wouldn’t particularly say it feels good, if I hit that breaking point, then I must really be pissed, and it leaves me with kind of an adrenaline rush. ‘Don’t make me angry, you wouldn’t like me when I’m angry…’

Michi,
I know about the animal emergency threads–being a pet lover myself, I took, and take, a special interest in those threads, as well as all of the columns on cats, dogs and other pets (but mostly cats and dogs).

I take it that those threads started on the AOL board? The first thread of it’s kind here was titled “More Animal Emergencies”, or “Animal Emergencies, Part II” if I’m recalling correctly.

Sometimes it does feel good to rant about these things. I felt better about my situation after ranting about it. But your own statement:

“…overall, recounting my angry moments only made me more angry…”

really tells you all you need to know whether or not you should tell someone off. It sounds to me like doing so would just make you angrier, and hence, you shouldn’t.

Of course, this only applies to preparing to tell someone off as a premediated decision. My hunch is that most times someone such as yourself or myself would end up doing this, if at all, it would be totally spontaneous.

I really doubt whether you’d be boring all of us by posting about your job frustrations. (I notice that “people are stupid” threads on this message board get a huge number of replies and views, as did the Animal Emergency threads that I have seen.)

I think you’re a very interesting person, and, as I said before, I have great respect for what you do. I would love to hear any stories you have to share, venting or not. It’s not like I prefer to listen to people gripe, but we all could use a good listener at times (I was a psychology major…I should know). But again, the idea is to do so to make you feel better–not to piss you off further.

You are NOT boring. Period. Don’t worry about boring us, or at least me.

Anyway, as far as your rude clients go, I’d at least try to take solace in the idea that at least some of them, while (undeservedly) rude to you, might be better pet owners than they are “people persons”. You yourself say you are more comfortable among animals, prefer animals to children, etc.
(Of course, I’m NOT equating them with you–I’ve never seen you act rudely on this board, and I’d bet a great amount of money you aren’t rude in real life either). But maybe, just maybe, at least some of these people, while jerks to you, actually love and cherish their pets. Not all of them, I know, but at least some of them. At least, I hope so.

I wish you the best of luck, and if it ever helps to talk, I’m a good listener. :slight_smile:

DRY, I think you misunderstood me…telling tales about people who tick me off only makes me mad all over again because I was never able to get the satisfaction of telling the person off. If I had been able to tell the client what I really think, I wouldn’t mind telling the story a thousand times. As for the people who are rude to me being better “pet people,” no, they certainly aren’t. These are the people who bring in very sick or injured animals and then refuse to treat them properly. This last woman who gave me such a hard time brought in her prize dog (overweight and over bred, I might add) who was possibly pregnant with a litter. The dog was having a lot of vomiting and diarrhea. She demanded to see the best doctor in the clinic, would not allow the nurses to touch her dog because we weren’t good enough, and yet when we presented her with tests and such that we wanted to run, she refused ALL treatment! I tried going over the estimate with her, to explain WHY we felt these things were needed, and she GRABBED the estimate out of my hands and proceeded to yell at me that the whole situation was out of hand, she just wanted a shot for vomiting and that was IT. She had also demanded water for her dog from both the receptionist and another nurse, and she was told both times that since her dog was vomiting and having diarrhea, we would not offer her dog anything orally, as that would only cause more problems. After snatching the estimate from my hands she demanded (did not ASK) a CUP of water from me. Now, this made me thnk SHE was the one who wanted water. I was going to get it for her, the manipulative bitch, when the receptionist stopped me and told me the truth. I went back into the room and asked her who she wanted the water for and she at least did admit that it was for the dog (I guess if she had been really smart she would have said it was for her). I told her her dog could not have anything orally, as was already explained to her twice. At that point I walked out of the room and refused to come back to the front until they were gone. One thing I found interesting was that this lady was with her husband, who did not open his mouth the entire time they were there. I mean, this guy was practically invisible. Poor man.

Another interesting thing (you can see how much this eats at me sometimes). I took a nap this afternoon and I had a very vivid dream that I was at someone’s house with two other nurses that I work with. This person (I don’t know who it is…prolly a symbol of all the stupid clients I deal with) had a severely flea anemic and tick infested dog (we have seen a lot of this lately). The dog was dying and the person would not allow us to treat. He was also telling us how he was getting two new puppies that very same day. My friends and I proceeded to rip this guy a new one. Meanwhile, someone else came into the house with the new puppies, and I immediately grabbed them away and ran. The owner of the negelected dogs promptly shot me, and the rest of the dream involved me and my friends trying desperately to find some help (for me and the puppies). Pretty strange, huh?

Michi, when I tell people off I always–ALWAYS–ended up feeling absolutely terrible. About losing my cool, though I should be used to it by now (as should they), about hurting their feelings (ditto), about everything except what made me mad. Even that horrid lady at your job. I’d have read her the riot act, then justified her actions to myself.

On the other hand, my favorite argument at work involved me and a customer from Virginia. It was great–since we both knew how to play that southern gentleman game, we had a knock-down-drag-out while everybody around us thought we were having a pleasant conversation.

Then there was the time I quit at Radio Shack, loudly declaiming the company while telling the customers where they could get better deals on better stuff. Burnt that bridge but good.

I guess I did misunderstand you.

I would say that it would almost be worth it to tell that person off, but I’d hate to see you put your job at risk, and I suspect that your satisfaction would be fleeting, because, unfortunately, your telling someone off probably isn’t going to change anything. Rude people are going to be rude, basically.

Telling someone off might make you feel better, and if it made you feel “better enough”, maybe it WOULD be worth it. I tend to doubt it, though, trying to read what type of person you are based on your posts that I have read. I guess I don’t see you as “mean spirited” enough for that satisfaction to be anything more than fleeting.

I hate to seem so calculating about “premeditating” a tell-off, but I have to ask: have any other of the vet techs ever told a rude client off? If they did, what happened to them?

It’s kind of…well…“cold blooded” to run a “risk analysis of telling someone off”, but hey, everyone needs to stand up for themselves. You aren’t as replaceable as the counter boy/girl at the local McDonalds–I’m sure that competent vet techs don’t grow on trees. Also, I’m sure the people that work with you/your supervisors have a pretty good read on your personality, and they hopefully realize that, if you were ever angered enough to go off on someone…well, they probably deserved it. Better that than have you get so frustrated that you leave your job.

I guess I didn’t make myself clear. Well, I was hoping that at least some of these rude people are at least that way because they cherish and adore their pets (they just aren’t very good with humans). Unfortunately, I’m sure you’re right–most of these people are just rotten people, period, who don’t treat humans OR animals with respect, dignity, or affection.

What a horrible woman! Look, I understand that a sick pet can bring out the worst in people. If my cat were suddenly sick or suffering, I can only imagine how upset I’d be.

But I do think I’d know better than to question TRAINED PROFESSIONALS! I might also have actually listened to you about not giving my pet water–why would you (AND two of your colleagues) want to lie to me?

I could go on and on–why should she so picky to demand the best doctor if all that was needed (in her mind) was a simple shot? Why did she even go to your hospital if she didn’t trust the staff?

I think you did the right thing in refusing to deal with her. Maybe it WOULD make you feel better to tell some of these people off!

It doesn’t surprise me at all that this eats at you–I’ve seen your other threads, and I know how passionate you are about your work–at least, the “caring for animals” part of it. Nor do I find it at all strange that you dreamed about your work (heck, I’ll bet that this isn’t the first or last time).

I don’t know much…well, anything really, about dream interpretation, but you obviously take pride in our work, and saving the lives of the poor and helpless animals, often despite the stupid people who own them. Maybe this dream is representative of how you see yourself–as a savior, maybe a martyr, on behalf of poor, helpless and abused pets. You’ve given a great deal of your life to help these pets, so maybe getting shot by this stupid pet owner in your dream is somehow symbolic of how much you care, and how far you’d go to make to help these poor animals. (Dealing with the moron owners being one such sacrifice in real life.) Forgive me if I’m out of line, this is meant as a compliment.

Those of us that love our cats and dogs owe you and people who do your job a HUGE debt of gratitude.

The more I exchange posts with you, the more I like and respect you. I do hope that you’ll find enough satisfaction in helping these animals that putting up with the jerks will be worth it, whether you have to tell them off or not.

Your friend,

Dan (DRY)

Several things:

If I told someone off (job related) I would not feel bad about it later because in work related situations I KNOW I am right. Telling someone off in my personal life might be a bit different, because that line between black and white usually isn’t there. However, I rarely have the need to tell anyone in my personal life off.

At my job, no employee is allowed to say anything negative to a client, no matter what the situation. The doctors have a little more leeway in this area, but they are employees of the hospital just as the nurses are. The hospital administrators have the most power to say what they think, but they only involve themselves in extreme situations (threats of bodily harm to staff members, or of course, matters of big money).

Everyone at my clinic knows how I feel about the rotten people I deal with. When I was up for my review a few months ago it was stated by several people that my stress level goes way too high sometimes, but it was understood that it was because I cared so much for the animals.

In any case, i am not going to be telling any client what I think of them any time soon. I would certainly lose my job if I did something like that. I have already put my job on the line in the past by reporting someone to Animal Services. I am not going to push my luck. As for the people still being jerks whether I tell them off or not, I know I am not going to change anyone but at least they would know that I think they are idiots and why. So many times the doctors will just smile at the client and give in to their wishes and provide half assed treatments. I used to work with one doctor (different hospital) who had no problem telling people that yeah, he could give their parvo puppy a shot for vomiting and some sub-q fluids, but that was not going to be enough to fix the problem and their dog could very well die, but if that was what the client wanted, fine. Most of the time the client would not change their minds, but at least they knew without a doubt what the real deal was, so to speak.

From time to time I do get a little satisfaction when a person brings in a really sick pet, refuses all treatment, but then brings the pet back later, deciding that maybe we doctors and nurses know what we are talking about after all. When I see these clients again I cannot supress an “I told you so” look. Until I win the lottery however, telling looks are about as far as I can go.

I didn’t want this thread to be all about me. Doesn’t anyone else have a story to share?