Long story short: old and dear friend was recently diagnosed with this, though how it took until now for someone to figure it out is a question even Cecil couldn’t answer. He’s hospitalized now, promising career in tatters, wife fed up and about to leave him…let’s just say it’s been a major bummer. Just wondering if anyone else has been through this, and has any advice or encouragement to offer.
Once I went to a support group from the friends and family of manic-depressives. A good friend of mine (the girlfriend of my best friend) was bipolar and invited us to go so we could see people other than her who had the condition.
It was interesting. Bipolar folks were referred to as Warriors; their kith and kin were Civilians. A little bit like Alcoholics Anonymous, but not a whole lot. People shared tales of “both poles”, problems with their doctors, etc.
You could see if there is a similar group in your area. Mine was at the local medical school. You could go with or without your Warrior friend. He could invite his wife if she’s gonna stick with him. If you don’t already, you should all know that we are learning tons about MPD all the time. It’s better that your friend has been diagnosed now rather than later.
His wife should understand that after hospitalization, medication can return most manic-depressives to functionality. If she sticks with him, the support group can help her deal with him as he (and she) heals. If she leaves him, the support group can help him deal with that too. But I suspect he’ll be introduced to those options on his own.
Anyway, I wish you the best. Having a friend diagnosed like that can feel like having a prescious thing stolen from you, but there’s really no reason you need to lose your friend (at least not after he gets back from the hospital). Some groups take both Warriors and Civilians, some take just one or the other.
My mom is bi-polar! And she’s doing fantastically well. She also had a breakdown and spent months in a hospital. She’s been blessed to have my father, a psychologist, at her side throughout the entire ordeal.
I must admit that I’m not an expert, but here’s a little that I do know.
Bi-polar disorder is a chemical imbalance in the brain that can be brought under control by medication. I don’t know if it’s the only way, but it’s how my mom got through it, at first. I remember the names lithium and prozac.
Support groups were key for my mother. She started out in a bi-polar group but later decided that she was an alcoholic and is now an eight-year sober member of AA. She also saw a counselor for a while, which was helpful. Having an unbiased party who will listen is invaluable.
Family and friends showing their support is the icing on the cake and can make the journey toward healing easier. It sounds like your friend has some great support in you, ruadh.
Please let me know if I can get my mother in touch with your friend… I can let her know about him; I’m sure she’ll want to give him her e-mail address. Here’s mine, for now: canthearya@excite.com
Oops, almost forgot this: My mother’s personality did change with treatment for her disorder, but definitely for the better. Her mood swings disappeared and she let so many more things slide off of her back… Before being diagnosed, she was a control freak.
The new trend, from what I understand and hope, is to treat a mental illness (ex. Bi-polar disorder) the same as any other sort of illness - a chemical imbalance that affects the performance of an organ or organ system. I usually compare it to diabetes, because of the ongoing nature of controlling it and preventing the problem from getting worse.
As for expectations, expect your friend to be medicated. The medications doctors use for treatment of bi-polar work incredibly well, once you get the right combination. This may take some time, however, so encourage your friend to keep going even if it doesn’t seem to be working, and to talk to his doctor when he thinks there is a problem with the meds.
The best of luck to your friend! It sounds like you will be supportive of him in this very rough time of his life, and that will make a huge difference to him. Please let him know he is not alone, and that others have experienced the same sort of chaos he has. You may email me if you wish; I’d be glad to share more with you or your friend.
Again, best of luck!
Insert Random Witticism Here.
This puzzles me because it seems from these posts that Bipolar people are hospitalized and this is when they find out about it.
Everyone has ups and downs in their life, some more extreme that others but that does not make them Bipolar. Or MD, the old wording.
Get a second & third opinion. Medicating on Lithium & Prozac is an easy solution but its a dull way to live being medicated on those things.
Yes, I know a lot of people with this diagnosis & treatment…
handy, I agree that not everyone who experiences ups and downs is bi-polar or md. However, when a person’s mood is frequently or regularly outside a normal range, or when one’s mood swings violently from one extreme to the other, or when mood irregularities interfere with day to day activities (such as having a job, keeping a house tidy, maintaining social contacts), then it is time to look for help. Most people can manage to stay on an even keel, with moods varying from “having the blues” to “feelin’ great”, and that is a healthy amount of variation. When a person’s moods regularly range from “I am so good for nothing that I would kill myself if only I had the energy to drag my ass out of bed to get the gun” to “I feel so powerful that I don’t need to eat or sleep, and nothing can possibly hurt me so I’ll be as reckless with my self/money/etc. as I can”, that is when a person needs to get some help.
You would not beleive the difference medication can make in the life of someone with a true mood disorder. I mean a positive difference. The new antidepressants don’t turn people into mindless numb zombies, and there are other drugs that work as well as lithium for stabilizing moods without the undesirable side effects. And there is still so much stigma attached to having a mental illness, that most people wouldn’t be willing to abuse the system just because they’re feeling kind of down this week.
Just a word of caution, though. Over the counter herbals like St. Johns Wort work like the “old-school” antidepressants. These contain chemicals known as MAO-inhibitors, and are very dangerous when taken in conjunction with newer antidepressants like Prozac, Paxil, or Zoloft. Also, if you use the MAO-inhibitors, be sure to read the warning labels on OTC cold and flu preparations, as the interaction can be very bad as well.
I am bi-polar. Never been hospitalized.
Yes, Handy, everyone does have ups and downs, and I know that there are some people who are medicated just because it seems easier than handling the normal downs and sometimes doctors find it easier to write a prescription than to try to do a real diagnosis (so they don’t violate the HMO’s 15 minutes per patient rule). But to ignore extreme mood swings and inability to cope is to invite disaster.
I fought it for a long time. I’m tough! I can handle it! HA! It almost cost me my career and was a large contributing factor to a failed marriage as well.
I was lucky to be referred to a wonderful doctor. Once we found the proper medication, (Parnate at that time), a couple of years of therapy gave me the tools to cope (mostly) on a day to day basis.
Then I decided (about 18 years ago) that I missed the highs (even though mine were never very high) and went off the meds. Thought I could handle the lows. Big mistake. Took me a couple of years to get back on track.
So, now I’m on Prozac. Makes it a whole lot easier for my family and colleagues to deal with me. Makes it a whole lot easier for ME to deal with me.
There are still repeating episodes where I’d like to go to sleep and just never wake up – but it’s been more than 20 years since I actively contemplated suicide. (Not exactly your normal “down”, Handy.)
If your friend’s wife is willing to to make the effort to learn about bi-polar, she may be able to again find some semblance of the man she fell in love with after he’s had some medical help. I hope she can and does.
I’m what is known as “bipolar II” which means that I experience mostly severe depression and dysphoria, with a little a bit of regular mania. Contrary to what most people think, mania isn’t being “high”. It can be, for some people, but for most it just means you’re manic. High energy, insomnia, scattered thoughts… tendency to obsess on projects at the expense of things that need doing more urgently… for example, when cleaning the house, to stop and rearrange all the items in the kitchen cabinets alphabetically, all day, instead of vaccuuming or taking out the trash…
For me it usually means spending 3 days without sleep making web pages (how else did you think my homepage got over 1,100 pages??) or doing art projects.
The other side of the mania coin is dysphoria --all the energy of mania with all the bad feelings of depression! Generally this is when I cut myself with razor blades or safety pins, slam my head into doors and walls, break things that have personal value to me, throw furniture (yes) across the room, or storm out of the house at 2am to walk 5 miles in my pajamas through unfamiliar neighborhoods. I once walked until my feet were bleeding.
Depression generally means total apathy. Not even wanting to get out of bed, not caring about anything. Not bathing, not brushing your teeth, not eating, or binge eating, not bothering to reply when spoken to, spending hours at a time sitting in a chair staring at nothing because it is too much bother to find something to do or even to look at. Turn on the tv and then stare at the floor. Usually at this point is when you also say “why bother taking my medication? I’m always going to be fucked up. Who cares?” and then it gets even worse.
Being bipolar is not anything remotely like “normal ups and downs” and you can no more control it through willpower than you can control something like diabetes through willpower. It is a disease–a physical problem in the mind where the chemicals that control your emotions are not “doled out” properly, at appropriate times or in appropriate amounts.
I can honestly say that medication has saved my life many times over. My first suicide attempt was in 6th grade. I’ve been hospitalized for intentional overdoses (having your stomach pumped is NOT fun) and without medication I can pretty much assure you that I’d have succeeded by now. I started on lithium, which wasn’t enough. I then took lithium and Paxil together, which did great. After I gave birth to my son they took me off lithium because they didn’t want him getting it in breast milk. I noticed no difference and so I never went back on it, I just took the Paxil. A couple of months ago I switched from Paxil to Celexa, which is another, newer medication in the same family (SSRI, selective seratonin reuptake inhibitors).
If you think I have no personality now, you’re sadly mistaken. I am not a zombie, and to handy’s statement “its a dull way to live being medicated on those things” I give a resounding “fuck you!” and further say that you know nothing about it and should keep your mouth shut before you actually convince someone to avoid treatment! You want to know what is a horrible way to live? As a bipolar without medication. Do you want me to count the number of friends I’ve driven off or scared to death? How many times I’ve ended up covered in blood at my own hands because it was the only release I could find for the pain inside that was caused by NOTHING MORE THAN MY OWN MIND?? I had nothing to be upset over most of the time! It could be that someone gave me a funny look from their car, and three days later I’d flip out and decide that I was a worthless person and deserved to die to spare the world having me in it.
I won’t say that there isn’t misdiagnosis out there, because there is. However, for those who truly have a mental disorder, medication is ESSENTIAL for a normal life. If you think you have a mental disorder, please seek a doctor. Get a second and third opinion if you feel you need it, but don’t think that taking medication makes you less of a person, or takes away who you are. It will change your life for the BETTER.
–
Teeming Millions: http://fathom.org/teemingmillions
“Meat flaps, yellow!” - DrainBead, naked co-ed Twister chat
O p a l C a t
www.opalcat.com
Well said OPALCAT.
I’ll back up the comments of missdavis and Opal. My wife was diagnosed as bipolar about 18 years ago. Before that, life was hell – her depressions were hideous and left her immobile, crying under the covers when the kids got home from school. The highs were very creative and very expensive – she would decide to start a new career as an interior decorator, and buy very expensive books and enroll in classes (pay the fees)… and then, a few weeks later, all that stuff was shoved to the side, she didn’t care about it anymore. The highs were also accompanied by irritability, short-temper, and lack of patience with others (like the kids.)
If you think of mood swings as being like a hills and valleys curve, then the medication (with talk-therapy) has reduced the intensity – lower highs, higher lows – to within normal human range. Yes, she still has fits of depressions but they’re not much different than when I have the blues. Yes, she still has lots of creativity and energy, but now it’s focused and controllable and can be used for things that give pleasure and pride.
It can take a long time to diagnose, because the symptoms can be masked. Many bipolar people find the “high” feels real good – and it does to them, it’s just misery for everyone around them. Bipolar folks have a very, very high divorce rate.
Don’t think that the medication will do the job alone – people who have been bipolar for a long time have developed psychological mechanisms for dealing with themselves and the world, that may need to be undone. Talk therapy – whether support group or shrink – is critical to successful treatment, along with medication.
OpalCat, you say:
"Being bipolar is not anything remotely like “normal ups and downs”
and you can no more control it through willpower than you can control
something like diabetes through willpower. "
and then you say:
If you think I have no personality now, you’re sadly mistaken. I am
not a zombie, and to handy’s statement “its a dull way to live being
medicated on those things” I give a resounding “fuck you!” and
further say that you know nothing about it and should keep your
mouth shut before you actually convince someone to avoid treatment!
But you also say:
“…if you feel you
need it, but don’t think that taking medication makes you less of a
person, or takes away who you are. It will change your life for the
BETTER.”
First you say that 'you cannot control it, ‘…its like a disease…,’ then it’s ‘yes, you can control it and then ‘fuck you handy!’
and then ’ it’ll change your life for the BETTER!’
What kind of “better life” example of someone on medication is THAT?
Um, way to misquote, handy.
I said to get a second opinion if you thought you needed it, and then said not to think that medication would take away your personality. IN other words, medication will not do the bad things that handy said they would. I said it would change your life for the better, and it will. If you need medication, get on it!
The fuck you to handy was because anyone who encourages someone with a medical problem to not treat the problem properly deserves to have “fuck you” said to them. It’s irresponsible!
–
Teeming Millions: http://fathom.org/teemingmillions
“Meat flaps, yellow!” - DrainBead, naked co-ed Twister chat
O p a l C a t
www.opalcat.com
My nephew was diagnosed as bipolar shortly after he left the Army. It took a couple years for the doctors to determine the proper medications and dosages, but what used to be a very fine, entertaining fellow who frequently had bouts of suicidal depression and frenetic episodes of wild euphoric behavior has become someone much more stable.
He still has his quick mind and subtle (and occasionally not-so-subtle) sense of humor. He is an energetic family man who now makes time for his wife, son, and family. He no longer gets “nap attacks” that last several days, where he had no energy to rise and do even the minimum things that needed doing. He no longer gets so frenetic that he stays awake for days at a time, focussing his energy on projects he will neither finish nor benefit from.
In short, he is an energetic, focussed individual who has just the normal highs and lows we all experience. He no longer gets so high he shoots out of sight, nor so low he can’t bear to move. Treating someone for Bipolar disorder is not drugging a difficult person into submission. Rather, successful treatment allows that person to regain control of their life.
–Baloo
It’s more important to understand than it is to agree.
http://members.tripod.com/~Bob_Baloo/index.htm
Way to go OpalCat, you hit the nail on the head. I think the truly tragic thing about bipolar disorder, and from what I understand, Schizophrenia, is that the disease acts almost consciously to keep you from treatment.
As far as bipolar goes, when you are manic you do not want to do anything to stop the feeling, and when you are depressed you cannot work up the energy to go or feel so worthless that you do not bother.
I highly recommend “An Unquiet Mind” by Jamison, or “Mood Swing” to know more about the disease.
I’m going to use this thread to give giant props to my best friend, CatRimbaud, who has bi-polar disorder and has been living med-free for a year. She’s had rough spots since she went off her meds, but she’s doing great overall.
I love you, Kitty!
“Wednesday the 15th - Chris made one of her rare good points today.”
Guanolad
Well, first of all I much give much love and worship to ChrisCTP who has dealt with my ups and downs for several years without giving up on me. She deserves a gold medal and a million dollars. Would you settle for the lint in my pocket and an I.O.U.? 
Anyway, Bipolar Bears have a lot to deal with and, as stated before, the ups and downs are not normal or controllable without medication. I am not on medication and I have been struggling, screaming, relapsing, tearing down my walls and losing jobs left and right.
I have tried many medications, from Paxil to Lithium, several combinations of those medications, group therapy, one on one, art therapy, adding Amitryptilene for anxiety and panic attacks, adding Depakote to calm the manic side and help my migranes…you name it.
While I have heard that it is possible to find the right combination of medications, I have not achieved that combination and don’t have the patience for it, nor do I have the money for the medical bills that come out of it.
I have been hospitalized on several occasions and my kids have suffered for it. Now they are thinking that my daughter has Bipolar as well. My family and friends have had to watch me go from finding a living that I am happy with to three months later seeing me scrap it, jump in a bottle of Jack Daniels, and say FUCK IT to it all.
The best person I know of to ask about what it is like to deal with someone with this disorder would be ChrisCTP. Support groups help a lot of people, but I personally had a hard time sharing my life, thoughts, etc. with a group of strangers as I have been burned by people I trusted before. Anything is worth trying once, though. (Well, anything within reason…)
Medication is NECESSARY for obtaining stability. I am not stable, but managing. Going without meds can be dangerous because of the self-destruction being depressive can bring. I have had plenty of episodes of my own with razor blades, knives and whatnot. Carving designs into flesh…what a good thing to do on a Friday night when the kids are asleep… When I am swinging into manic, I think I can do anything. Sometimes, I find out I am wrong and find out in a bad way.
The main thing, I think, with having a friend who is bipolar disorder is to recognize that it is a bumpy ride. If you can hold on, be there, and just be a friend, that is the most important part. Support them in finding a good doctor and the right medication. Help them do it if they are so depressed that they can’t seem to pick up a phone for themselves. Take them to appointments if they are stuck in a rut in their house.
Warning, though…the meds sometimes make a person feel too good at first. Sometimes I became so giddy and felt so good that I thought I was all better and went back off of them. Then I crashed. And burned. There is no miracle cure. Just be there and help, but try not to smother your friend.
Most important is to recognize that it is an illness. It is an imbalance and not an imperfection. Finding stability is hard with an unstable brain to work with.
It is conceivable that I am a moron for not taking my meds when I know I should. I suppose it is also pretty hypocritical that I am swearing by them even though I don’t take them anymore. I have no patience for doctors and meds and will be in purgatory for it for the rest of my life. This is not something I would wish on anyone else…I simply do not want to be controlled…even if it means I will have self-control.
I only know that the times in my life when I have felt the best and most capable of living were when I was on meds. I know they are good and necessary. I just choose to pretend otherwise.
I am not insane. I am just an average girl who enjoys the lost art of torturing small animals by duct-taping them to railroad tracks.
This is so sad, because there’s so much stupid, unnecessary pain that goes along with this disease. There’s the disease and then there’s the uniformed garbage garbage that goes along with it.
My best friend had most of her youth ruined because her brother was severely schizophrenic, as it was know in those days. He was ill, and the family frayed apart because they didn’t know what to do or how to cope–or “cover”.
Then came some breakthroughs with both meds and therapy. It was difference between despair and hope, light and dark. This is a disease. It is diagnosable and treatable. Bi-polar folks are just people with a treatable and controllable medical condition.
Bless you for being both concerned and open to the truth. Bi-polar disease is not a Dickensian bugaboo. The disease takes care and monitoring. The people with the disease are just people.
Friends stay friends when times are tough.
Veb
I’m bipolar and a recovering alky and legally disabled thanks to being bipolar. I’m 5 years sober - and plan on staying that way but I’ve been depressed since in my early twenties. I just never got help for it until around 1995 when it go so bad that, after being sober for 10 years, I started drinking again and shortly after, lost my long time, good job. I sobered up after a year.
Depression sucks big time. Being on disability and trying to get help on a drastically limited income sucks equally big because the place, where I go, is short staffed thanks to the government finding every place else to dump funds, except into the mental health field.
One big thing I noticed is that the friends I had over the years, who used to turn to me for problem solving and we all hung around and had a good time ---- vanished when I started getting real sick. That pissed me off because I had always been there for them when they hit temporary depression or got in a jam or were sick or just needed someone to fish them out of trouble. One day I turned around and realized that they were all gone.
I enjoy the manic stage, being much more up and creative and full of energy but hate the low stage when I sleep a lot, loose all of my energy and nothing matters much at all. I’m on medication which works, but thanks to Medicaid deciding that the $811 I make a month is too much to continue providing me with prescription benefits, I had to find alternate means to get my pills. They’re too damn expensive and the free stuff made me sick most of the time and they often had to mix it in combinations to get it to work somewhat. So, my brother, who is a depressive, managed to find a way to get his pills increased and he gives me half. (We both take the same stuff, only he is doing much better.) So, this means that the doctors cannot either increase my medication or change me to something better because I can’t afford it.
Three years into treatment, I lost my home of 10 years because $811 a month just did not pay the $975 a month in bills. I can’t work because I’m also agoraphobic, have an anxiety affective syndrome and some obsessive compulsive behavior. (THAT, I am pleased to say, has responded very well to the medication.)
The whole thing is embarrassing because I used to be the one in my family who handled all of the problems and I was always a manager in my jobs. Drinking my ass off made me feel better for a time but then it just made me pissy drunk – something I found out later that happens to many depressives. I went to AA for a couple of years and am impressed with me that I did not drink because while I was trying to stay sober, I had to find a way to keep my home, had to get a lawyer to convince the Disability board that I am sick, start therapy and fend off my landlord who – for some reason – wanted his rent. Plus I got to experience the delights of a handful of different medications and their side effects – ranging from dry mouth to the runs to shaking hands to feeling like part of my mind had suddenly become stupid.
Suicide became a frequent thought and I have guns and once gave them to my family to protect myself. Battling the social services system became almost an occupation and I contacted every congressman and woman that I could. I sent out over 250 e-mails and letters, most of which were ignored. Trying to find out about things from Medicare and Medicaid became a joke because they never answered letters I sent wanting to know why they stopped my free meds, and when I was cut off of Medicaid – the one which had paid my prescriptions, a reason was never given and all letters went ignored.
I read everything I could about depression including everything on the Internet. I joined a depression hotline on the web and soon discovered that while I got some supporting e-mails, they could not help with the big things like telling me how to get medication, how to get better and more therapy or how to fight being evicted. (I learned how to fight the latter on my own and did so with a free lawyer for the disabled and poor. I managed to get the landlord to delay tossing me out for a few months until I could turn a studio at my mothers home into an apartment and move in there. Now, that is a bit embarrassing also. I’m in my 40s and living at home with my 70+ year old mother.)
I used to make good money and discovered that when one goes on the pittance that is disability, one learns just how fast businesses start treating you like scum. My bank, always friendly, started treating me like dirt, when I checked on private therapy I found that no psychiatrist nor psychologist would take Medicaid or Medicare nor establish a payment plan that I could afford. When I needed dental work for a bad tooth, I found that no dentist would take me. (It took me a year and the intervention of Governor Chiles to get the mental health and social services to dig up some funds to get my teeth fixed, and then they sent me to a discount dentist who did shitty work.)
None of the Social Services seemed able to provide me with any information concerning any assistance I might get. I had to find out from articles and new, equally depressed or disabled friends. I signed up for food assistance, which gives one about $10 a month in government food but every time there is a problem anywhere in the world, where people need food, ours gets stopped and shipped to ‘them.’
I applied for housing assistance prior to being evicted only to discover a years waiting list – and before they could do more than consider me, I was evicted. I applied for and go assistance with my power bill from EOC, which was listed in my phone bill service flyer as LIHEAP, which if I was on it, I could get a $5 cut in my monthly bill. It took me 10 phone calls to track them down. They paid a $400 power bill for me but no one mentioned that they’d also assist me in rent and I did not know to ask. When I found out and asked, they were out of funds.
The power company has no legal obligation to provide anyone with power if you cannot pay the bill. They will cut you off and not check back. If you have no power all you have is a cave to live in. If you continue to do so, eventually, the health and zoning board will arrive, decide that your place is unfit to live in and force you to move – whether you own the house or not. They figure that living in a cardboard box on the street is healthier than being in a house with no power.
I came to the conclusion that my government would rather have me die off quietly than help me become a valuable and productive citizen again.
I joined a depression group, which was rough because my agoraphobia means I hate being in crowds, and left it when all they did was hash over the same old problems without offering any solutions. I left AA once the urge to drink ebbed because again it was hard to be in crowds and I discovered that even there, in that famous program, in that bastion of understanding and knowledge, they resorted to petty squabbles, favoritism, rivalry and one upmanship. They preached care and concern for others but when some members slipped and started drinking, it seemed that very few of them were approached by other members to help them stop.
Plus, since most of them don’t believe in using tranquilizers to sober up, I went sober cold turkey, a thing I dreaded. That was why I stayed crocked most of the time because I could not face the hellish self-detox process. Long afterwards, I discovered that there was a DETOX facility which popped you in a hospital bed, fed you I.V.s and tranquilizers and made the whole process so much more easier.
It would have saved me about two days of the shakes, sweats, stomach upsets, runs, feeling like I was going out of my mind and massive, massive depression where suicide seemed like an option. I would also have sobered up months sooner. I sobered up alone at home, sweating it out in my waterbed. I was fully aware that I could have gone into the DTs or had convulsions and that scared me but I wanted to be sobe
Wow, Rainbowcsr. I’m speechless.
Everyone’s posts here have been helpful, and gigantic thanks to you all. Rainbow, yours depressed the hell out of me, but it just gives me stronger resolve to do everything I can for my friend, so he doesn’t end up in the same boat.
I hope things get better for you. I don’t know what else to say.