Bidets, part deux

I posted a question in the GQ forum –baffled by bidets
hoping to get some real nitty gritty answers on the how tos, the what to dos and the what not to dos of bidet usage.

I got some great information but it really didn’t get as specific as I had hoped. So in an effort to better understand this mysterious bathroom fixture, I’m asking fellow dopers to share their experiences with bidets.

What did you use it for? How did you use it? Did you run in to any complications? Are there special techniques for avoiding “spillage” and tripping (due to pants around the ankles)? Is it really used mostly as a post coital mini bath? Is there any scrubbing involved? How do you dry off?

I’m truly interested in the details. What I’ve seen so far amounts to “Sit on the bidet. Aim the jet of water towards the area you want to clean. Let the water do its work.” While this seems to be a functional explanation, it just doesn’t work for me. I need specifics damn it! I need this information to avoid commiting some kind of horrible bidet faux paus if I ever decide to use one.

Take pity on this Americanus Ignoramus and give me the poop on bidets!

Come now! Don’t be shy.

Surely there must be someone out there who has experienced using a bidet. When I was in Italy it seemed to be a required bathroom fixture. Even in the smallest bathroom there was always a bidet. Somebody must be using them.