Well, could it be that he “took charge” and determined that this other womans companionship is preferable to yours?
She’s meant to know that because he told her. And hopefully she trusts him, or what’s the point? He should have the balls to make the case for himself -FOR HIMSELF- and say I’m not cheating. And she should trust him.
While i don’t think the OP has done a very good job of formulating the problem here (what does the guy being “big and burly” have to do with anything? 
), i think there is a point to be made.
In some relationships, when a man and woman get together, it seems that neither of them is ever allowed to have a close friend of the opposite sex again. I’m not sure if it’s insecurity, or some other hangup, and it’s something i’ve never understood.
Before my wife and i got together, i had female friends and she had male friends. And there are still times when i’ll have coffee or a drink with one of my woman friends, or she’ll do the same with one of her man friends. Neither of us ever even conceived of the notion that we would drop our friends of the opposite sex just because we are now a couple. If you’re so insecure that you can’t handle your partner sitting down for a chat with someone of the opposite sex, then you need to get a life.
I’ve also never subscribed to the idea that couples need to be joined at the hip for their whole lives, that they need to attend every social occasion together, etc. My wife and i love each other, and we’re very happy together. But we’re also still individuals who don’t need to be together or holding hands every waking minute of every day. If we get invited to a party or drinks with friends, sometimes we’ll both go, sometimes one of us will go and one of us will stay home or go and do something else.
Obviously, at the beginning of a relationship, two people are going to spend a bunch of time together, and they may find themselves not seeing their friends as much, at least for a while. That’s fine; it happens to most people at one time or another. But i think that anyone who specifically forbids a new partner from spending any time with an old friend is a control freak, and needs to be shown the door.
Trusting the OP has nothing to do with it. The woman should trust her own boyfriend. If she can’t, maybe they shouldn’t be together.
Again, irrelevant. If he’s really pining for her, then the new relationship is doomed anyway. If she’s pining for him, it’s his responsibility to make clear that they are just friends now.
Only from insecure, self-loathing morons.
Or she can believe that he’s a sweet, trusting guy and you’re just a deceitful little vixen who’s managed to fool him. Trusting him does not have to mean trusting you.
Sorry about this, really I am - had similar things happen to me, when female mates who I’d used to screw have found new partners - but I think you’d be better off giving them some time and space to settle into their relationship. You’ll probably find things a lot more relaxed in a little while.
I think I want this for my new username.
Well, from what I’ve seen, people aren’t keen on ex-partners hanging around their new boyfriend, and it’s completely possible to trust your new partner and think their ex’s (spelling?) are a bunch of predatory bitches.
Clearly your experience varies, so there you go.
All I can tell you is that there are two kinds of people in the world: those who can deal with this, and those that can’t. I think the latter group outnumbers the former considerably … just from my own observation.
If betenoir’s male friend is dating someone who won’t happily abide opposite-sex friends, then that just may be it – no discussion. All the “if he had balls!” screeds in the world won’t change the situation. Move on to someone more like-minded.
Your welcome 
To just add, my point is simply that I think the burly guy should say "I know this woman, she’s not going to hit on a man in a committed realtionship (stand up for me!) and you know me and know I’m not fucking around "(I would hope).
And have some balls.
No kidding. “I WON’T BE IGNORED, EX-BOYFRIEND!!!”
Wow. Get a grip, OP.
This, of course, completely misses the point.
If you really do “completely…trust your new partner,” what does it matter if the exes are “predatory bitches”? It’s his problem to deal with.
I’m also continually amazed at how some people arrive at such conclusions about their new partner’s exes without ever meeting them or knowing anything about them.
Better rephrased as “If betenoir’s male friend is serious with someone who won’t happily abide opposite-sex friends …”
I think you’re right about this. And these two groups break down pretty much like this:
those who can deal with this = rational people
those that can’t = control freaks and/or morons
betenoir made it clear that they were friends who screwed around once, not exes. She should be less worried about her seducing the boyfriend than other female friends, since he’s, um, been there before.
Going by the reference to Doms in the OP and the hints about the nature of the relationships, can one assume these were Dom/Sub relationships? I can see a few possibilities/issues.
Even if you’re a Dom in the bedroom, it sure as hell doesn’t mean you’re dominant in your love relationships in other ways, or in life in general. Maybe these guys want their girlfriends to order them around.
Maybe these guys had fun with you while it lasted but were just trying to think of a way to get out of the “friendship” without having to come out and say anything blatant. (To be honest, the “For god sake. If I wanted him, I’d have him you bitch.” statement doesn’t exactly lead me to discount this reason.) The “omg new girlfriend says we can’t see each other!” excuse is classic. Heck, maybe the guys even made up stories about you - or told them about only your worst moments - to scare the girls into forbidding them from contacting you.
Maybe the gals have issues with sex-only relationships - they can understand former girlfriends because breakups happen, feelings change, but don’t understand how someone would back off from a sex-only relationship and not be tempted to return to it.
At any rate, you now have a small pattern of finding guys like this. Since you can’t change them, maybe you need to change what types of men you’re making friends or more-than-friends with and/or need to change in how you are relating to men.
I didn’t get that from the OP.
I thought the use of dominant was more generic, a reference to a confident and self-assured person. I could be wrong though.
It’s a matter of perspective. Just recognize that you’ve got to share the earth with these people, too. Perhaps the inability to trust in and absolute manner is a flaw, but not a fatal one, IMHO. For me, this is one of those cases where flocking with birds of a feather lessens the stress and drama.
[QUOTE=mhendo]
I didn’t get that from the OP.
[QUOTE]
mhendo, you seem to be getting an awful lot from the OP that I **didn’t ** get. For instance:
That the girlfriend actually *told * him to not speak to betenoir. We have only her word for that, and she has only his.
That the girlfriend doesn’t want him to have *any * opposite sex friends. Where did the OP say that? Not that it would matter, because again… third hand info at best.
That **betenoir’s ** friendship with this guy is sufficiently important to him that he could only be persuaded to abandon it by having his balls in a vise grip.
Somehow, I find it much easier to believe that he simply didn’t care enough to rock the boat, so he cut **betenoir ** loose. Not because there’s anything wrong with betenoir, but simply because when choosing who to appease, we tend to choose the people who are most important to us.
Crossover relationships suck. Things get complicated.
Personally I prefer to keep a very low number of people in my inner circles of friendship, while keeping a large/vast number of people on nods and greetings, as I’m a very private person who still needs a network of contacts. If betenoir was someone I knew, I’d say she just got bumped out of the inner circle and has, unfortunately, become aware of it. It kinda sucks to know about it, I’ve had it happen to myself a few times.
Of course, this being insular Norway, it probably doesn’t work at all like this for you guys 
I Boiling your Bunny!