big surprises of being a grown up

In My Humble Opinion
21

a) That there’s no such thing as “adults” in the sense that kids think of them. (You know, confidently knowledgeable, etc)

b) How easy most parts of being an adult are. The way that even though in most ways adults are just bigger older kids, they do mostly tend to leave you alone and not harass you much.

c) That no one is running the world. No one is in charge of diddly squat. The “leaders” spend 99.99% of their energy making sure they, and not someone else, get to be the leaders, and aside from power struggles of that general ilk they have damn little control over anything and are pretty fucking ignorant to boot.

d) That except for the 5% of adult life that’s deeply terrifying because random bad things happen (social and otherwise) that can wreck your life, it’s mostly boring and there’s very little to do.

22

As a kid I couldn’t wait to be all growed-up because then I would be rich and have piles of money just laying around.

Now as an older kid I am surprised by how little money I have. I have a good job that pays well and i have a nice place and a nice car but not the piles of money. :frowning:

On the upside on the 13th of this month is my last car payment. :slight_smile: So I will have an extra $330 a month. Then I will have my piles of money, well, at least for 10 minutes until I by my Wii.

23

Being alive is the biggest change from my expectations. Not wanting to die is another. Realizing that I was not, in fact ugly and worthless might count there too.

The large number of adults in the world who think that racism, sexist, homophobia and religious discrimination and varying degrees of child abuse are the reprehensible was also a slow to dawn realization. The fact that I am able to choose to associate pretty much exclusively with people who meet this description is never something I would have really believed. The possibility of being happy in a long-term relationship with another man, with mutual love and trust (not to mention sex without guilt) just blows me away.

The fact that my metabolism did, in fact slow down, so that I started gaining wait after having been skinny in spite of how much I ate my whole life was a bit of a surprise, event though I knew intellectually it might happen. (This didn’t happen until my mid-twenties) Likewise, naturally changing from a blonde to a brunette in my early twenties really surprised me.

Being able to be in the presence of my stepfather without fear also counts. The fact that my invincible grandmother (Nanny as everyone calls her) has gotten old seems inconceivable. The fact that I could outlive my sister would have been cause for mocking.

The fact that I know longer really write creatively would have been surprising. I didn’t know that a passion could fade like that. Likewise, loosing friends due to us growing apart was something never could have imagined.

24

When I was a kid, I suspected that being an adult would be boring and/or sucky.

A couple of examples:

When I got sick, and Dad or Mom would clean up the vomit. When I grow up, I’ll have to clean up my own throw-up. And my kids’. Ewww! I don’t think I could ever do that.

At Christmas, I’d get cool presents, like toys and games, while the adults would get less, and what they got would be boring stuff like clothes and appliances. Isn’t that just an example of how things get less and less fun as you grow up?

But you know what? As it turns out, being a grown up in, all in all, way better than being a kid. And I say this even as someone who had great parents who tried to do their best for me, and who was never really abused or mistreated. Still, I much prefer being an adult. And I think the reason comes down to two things: (1) I have more control over my own life, and (2) I’m a different (and, I think, better) person, who values different things.

To take the Christmas example, here are some ways that I, as a grown-up, have it better:

(1) I can buy myself toys and games and any other cool stuff I want, any time I want. I don’t have to wait for somebody else to buy it for me. Of course, that’s assuming I can afford it. But I can decide for myself what is and is not worth spending money on, what sacrifices I want to make and what goodies I want to indulge in.

(2) My tastes have changed, so that I really appreciate getting grown-up-type gifts. Plus, on top of that, I enjoy giving, and/or seeing others receive, things that they enjoy. It may be just as fun now seeing a kid get a cool toy as it was then getting a cool toy myself.

(3) And it really is the thought that counts. Opening a cool toy on Christimas morning, my thoughts would be “Hey, I’m going to get to play with this cool toy whenever I want!” But not as much, “The reason I’m being given this is that my parents (or grandparents, or whoever) love me and want me to be happy, and isn’t that wonderful.”
You know, maybe I was just naturally pessimistic as a kid, but I can’t really think of any ways that being a grown-up is worse than I expected it to be.

25

Very true. This being old thing isn’t half bad.

26

Ha! This is so true! I recall thinking something along those lines, but about ice cream. Why didn’t adults eat bowls and bowls of ice cream for every meal?

Another thing that surprised me recently was sitting on the floor, or rather, NOT sitting on the floor. When I was a kid, I remember both of my parents (who were relatively young) oof-ing and aah-ing when they stood up after sitting on the floor to play with us, and their knees were creaky, and I always thought this was so pathetic. Why couldn’t they simply sit on the floor like normal people and not make a big production out of it? Now I am creaky when I try to sit on the floor, and I would prefer not to. I would probably die (or complain a lot) if I had to sit on the floor for any extended time.

Overall though, I am much better being an adult than I was at being a kid. I had great parents and a great childhood, but in the back of my mind, I was always thinking how much more I would like things if I had my own apartment.

27

Sweet! Now I know who to ask for advice when I finally start my home in the trees.

28

While I was still a little boy when I was disillusioned, it never occurred to me as a small boy that I would ever have to dress myself; I just had the assumption that Mom would always do that for me. I remember that when she told me I was old enough to dress myself, I was outraged. OUTRAGED ! It was her job to do that ! She led me on ! She never said a thing about ME having to do that !

I would never have thought at the time that I’d prefer to dress myself.

29

Being married is great, although apparently a lot of people haven’t figured out how to do it.

The kids never go away. Even if they do, I’ll still be stuck with worrying about them.

There are better approaches to life than the Christianity I grew up with.

It gets harder to make friends, or at least to put forth the effort to make them.

And, as others have said, I never really feel grown up at all. I’m just kind of old.

30

I’m going to disagree here to some extent. The day-to-day realities are different, in that I get to set my own priorities and I have a shitload more responsibilities to worry about, but the social interactions? Shockingly consistent with high school experience. As others have said before me, the basic archetypes — slackers, jagoffs, hotheads, fools, butterflies, etc, etc — don’t change at all. The way these groups interact with one another don’t change either, except that in adulthood we get to segregate ourselves a little bit more effectively. People are, in general, amazingly stupid, self-centered, and short-sighted.

Except for paying taxes, going on vacation by myself, and being able to masturbate without fear of being discovered, it’s amazing how little has changed, actually. :stuck_out_tongue:

Well, except for the looming specter of onrushing death, of course. :smiley:

31

I disagree; one of the major differences is the lack of physical threats and assault. When was the last time some of your co-workers ganged up on you and beat you up, or threw rocks at you ? We tolerate brutality among and towards children that we never would with adults.

32

Okay, I’ll give you that, generally speaking. But I must have been lucky: I was never physically threatened, or in much danger of an actual fight, throughout high school. There was one incident in junior high, but that was it. So for me, the observation holds true.

33

Well, trust me, it’s a huge difference between childhood and adulthood to those of use that did go through that sort of thing. I didn’t mention it earlier because while it’s certainly a difference, it wasn’t a surprise.

34

Oh, lots of things.

Take cereal for example. I always had to get the brand I saw in commercials. I wanted Froot Loops, not that Malt o Meal crap parading itself off as imitation fruit-flavored ring cereal. Now I am an adult, buying the Albertson’s brand corn husks (I mean flakes :wink: ) because kids cereals are getting ‘too sweet’ and eating a bowl of sweet cereal makes my stomach feel the same as eating too much chocolate/candy.

Treats and rewards were always better when they were seldom given. Stuff like a Snicker’s bar, or going out to McDonald’s, were not part of my usual fare. When I started working, of course that was the food I gravitated toward, since I got it so rarely. But very quickly it lost its appeal- even today the only reason I still get fast food is convenience.

I never understood how adults could choke down disgusting stuff like beer, coffee, and vegetables. Lettuce in mexican food/sadwiches was vile and meticulously picked out. Nowadays I like bitter-oriented food; bittersweet chocolate, imported beer, coffee, etc. And I like lettuce in my sandwiches! Its like eating a little salad with your sandwich.

School seemed like such a ripoff when I was a kid. Adults spent around the same amount of time at work but they got PAID for it. I believed kids existed as a kind of indentured servant for parents (well, some do :stuck_out_tongue: ) and thought parents were laughing all the way to the bank after dropping their kids off to school. Only now, where I work in a job I dislike for various reasons, have to find something better and in the meantime cope with my mundane gripes do I appreciate school.

35

How easy it is to throw away useless rules. How great it feels to make my own decisions. How absolutely wonderful it is not to have someone picking me apart everyday. How delightful it is to be able to do something about people who threaten or commit physical violence. Even just being able to avoid attackers is a welcome change.

Most of all it is a surprise to find out that I am a person who has a lot of energy and is not usually depressed. Looking back, I see that my depression as a child and teenager was a reasonable response to an intolerable situation. While I know that many, many kids have crappier lives than I did, mine was often terrible in ways I was truly helpless to change. Now when I get down about some aspect of my life, I look at how I can change it to be better and in most cases, changing is not that hard. Sometimes it takes a while, but there is something I can do to at least make the situation a bit better.

The other surprise is that so many people are just making it up as they go along.

36

I’m counting the days until my 4 year old daughter is old enough to mow the damn lawn.

Just the sheer amount of hassle it takes to maintain a house, pay the bills, keep the car running. Although having a regular paycheck makes things work a whole lot smoother now that I’m not in my 20s anymore.

And who would have guessed having kids would be so much work?

I totally agree about the gifts thing. I have absolutely no desire to get presents anymore. If I want something I can go out and buy it and I don’t have to justify it to anyone (except the wife). Except I generally don’t want anything. I don’t have time to play all the computer games I could buy, I can get any book or music CD from the library. I don’t want new clothes, I don’t want a new car, I don’t want the latest electronic gadget. I don’t need my wife to buy me presents. It’s ten times more fun to give my daughter a present and watch her play with it than to buy myself something.

I’m also surprised by how much I enjoy cooking for people. Cooking Thanksgiving dinner for a dozen guests is amazingly fun.

37

Yep. I had a few fights in high school. One would make a good movie moment with me and the two people that I found out were my best friends versus a start-up Crips gang. Two police units saved the day when things got bad. I wouldn’t expect that type of thing to begin at the water cooler.

I still get into hard-core fights with coworkers. Actually they are usually intra-corporation fights so it isn’t usually focused directly on me so much as my consulting group and it is to be expected in the type of work I do but it isn’t nearly as petty and focused as anything from the high-school era. I don’t give a rat’s ass about who I sit down next to in the cafeteria either. The fat, old, short, and balding people seem to get along fine and age at least within a reasonable range doesn’t matter much.

Maybe it is just because I have much more power as an adult. When someone would make fun of me when I was young, I would assume they were right and fret about it for a long time. Today, I assume that they are wrong and I will sink them given the first available opportunity given all the resources at my disposal. Maybe some people could do it easily when they were younger but it seems way more easy to fight back as an adult and with great consequence.

38

Ha! I thought this exact same way as a kid. I have a very clear memory of telling my mother when I was about eight, “Being a kid sucks. All we have is school. I don’t have a life. I don’t have free time! I get up and get dressed to go to school! I come home and do my homework and go to bed so I can go back to school! And weekends are just extra time for homework! Everything I do is for school and it’s so unfair!”

At least I got my existential crisis out of the way early. :stuck_out_tongue:

39

As a kid I thought adults were boring, and didn’t have lives or pasts of their own (Mom was a kid, too? Dad actually had other jobs before I was born? No way!), but at the same time they had to know everything. Right?

Yeah… I was so wrong.

The biggest surprise is that being an adult is really nothing special. Fun, and having power and control over my own life is fantastic, but nothing grand. The world is also a lot bigger and more interesting than I ever thought it’d be.

40

What little time there is in the day. Work, commute, grocery shopping, errands, etc. add up on a daily basis to the point where I feel like I barely have any time to do the things I want to do (read, play that new video game) much less the things I should do (go to the gym, etc.). Weeks fly by and turn into years.