big surprises of being a grown up

In My Humble Opinion
61

[QUOTE=fetus]

At elementary school I was beaten up on a weekly basis–usually for being white, although sometimes people would switch it up and beat me up for “killing Jesus”, wearing glasses, being geeky, wearing the wrong shoes, etc. I was pleasantly shocked to find out when I moved to San Diego at age 10 that most people weren’t outwardly and violently racist.
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I am so sorry your childhood was marred by the stupidity of these kids and the lack of caring by any adult in your schooling life. If it is any comfort, during Spirit week at our small catholic school (the theme one day was to come as a historical figure, IRC) and some girl came as a KKK member. I’m remember her getting her ass physically hit by a couple of black and white kids before she was sent to the office.

62

[QUOTE=dawvee]
As a teen I always dreamed that as an adult I wouldn’t be boring like everyone else, I’d be a starving artist/poet, a true Romantic figure. I thought it would be wonderful, and who cares if my greatness isn’t realized until after I’ve passed tragically? Yeah. Growing up changed that perception, big time. I’ve since come to the shocking (or would be, for my 16 year old self) that being a starving artist isn’t nearly as rewarding as having a mundane job that pays the bills.

Furthermore, I realized that most people who opt for the starving artist route in the long run aren’t any more committed to their art than the next guy, they’re just too lazy or dysfunctional to support themselves at the same time.
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Yep. I was surprised to find that being stable, making enough money to live a decently comfortable life, and planning my future responsibly are all vastly preferable to “following my passion” and “finding myself.”

There’s no big dichotomy between “cubicle lackey with Dilbert job” and “creative, self-actualized visionary.” There are plenty of great, well-paying, fulfilling jobs out there that could keep me happy, despite the fact that they sounded “boring” to me as a kid.

63

[QUOTE=Shirley Ujest]
I am so sorry your childhood was marred by the stupidity of these kids and the lack of caring by any adult in your schooling life. If it is any comfort, during Spirit week at our small catholic school (the theme one day was to come as a historical figure, IRC) and some girl came as a KKK member. I’m remember her getting her ass physically hit by a couple of black and white kids before she was sent to the office.
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Why would a little girl getting her ass kicked be comforting?

64

[QUOTE=Brandon]
Why would a little girl getting her ass kicked be comforting?
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She wasn’t a little girl. She was a senior and a perenial trouble maker. Coming to school (with a mix of jews, blacks and chaldeans) dressed as a Klan member is not a good move. And it wasn’t a complete ass kicking. It was a couple of students kicking her in the butt as she walked in the hallways for her first class telling her to get out of school.

A teacher intervened, saw the get up and she was marched to the principals office.

65

For me my biggest surprise about growing up is how much work my parents actually did for me. No I’m in charge of my own bills, buying food on my own, and shopping for things I need. Just making time to go to the grocery store when I’m low on food is a big deal.

I also have to look and dress a little different. Since I’m actually working now I’ve needed to buy nicer clothes. This means that now I shop at nicer stores like Lord and Taylor instead Walmart and target. Before this my parents would pick me up clothes, now I’m the one doing the shopping.

Unfortunately, I dont make the best meals right now. I just don’t put in the time. Thats why I love going home, cause then I dont have to cook!!!

66

Honestly, my biggest grown-up surprise was finding out that houses don’t come with stuff. The first time I needed a rolling pin, it finally occured to me that if I wanted one, I had to go BUY one. And I had no idea where to look.

I also had no idea that I would consider a bath a big waste of time and water. I can get clean faster in the shower; sitting in a bathtub in quickly cooling water is not nearly as much fun as it was when I was a kid.

67

I’m still surprised that, simply by virtue of my age, kids think I know stuff. I feel like I know nothing, and they look at my like I should have all this wisdom!

Ditto on the sleep thing. My parents would force me to go to bed. Now I jump for joy on nights I can go to bed early! Same with baths. I hated to take baths as a kid. Why waste play time taking one? Now a hot, steamy bath is heaven!

I’m also surprised by how little those high school years of mine matter. At the time, whether I was popular or not was such a huge deal. Now it seems so completely unimportant. And that guy whom I adored who told me he didn’t like me? Sheesh, I thought I’d never get over him. My life was over because he didn’t like me. Honestly, I’m struggling right now to remember his name (I think it was Vincent, but the last name totally escapes me).

68

I find that I tend to side less with Calvin and more with Hobbes and Calvin’s Mom and Dad. It didn’t used to be that way. Also, I remember being told “You are so special. You have so much potential. You could be president someday!” Yadda yadda yadda. I feel like I was lied to because now I am average. I am awesome without a doubt, but still just average. I have a normal job with normal pay and a normal living environment. I was expecting a lot more out of life from all that damn praise that is heaped upon children. Of course, that is probably because as an adult I understand it is very difficult to be a veterinarian by day and an actress at night.

69

Despite the fact that my ancestors (including my great-grandfather’s generation in Russia, and to a lesser extent my grandfather’s generation in McCarthyist America) suffered one of the world’s more formidable series of institutionalized racism/enslavement/genocide cycles, and that not a single person related to me in any way was in America until around the time of the Bolshevik revolution, a number of my peers expressly blamed me for both black slavery and the death of Christ and regularly abused me for same. I hope you’ll understand if I fail to find comfort in your story. I appreciate the thought–one of my best friends (a Gentile, FWIW) recently ended a career in hunting down Nazis and enacting vigilante justice upon them–but if it were up to me I would end racial violence as a whole, starting with children. And that cuts both ways. I’d be much more comforted if you’d told me that a trusted adult noticed that girl, took her aside and helped her understand the ramifications of her actions (think the principal’s role in American History X).

Kids can’t be expected to understand racism and its effects beyond what they’re told by the people they trust. The shame of both my story and yours is that nobody helped these children understand their differences in a better way. As for me, I was lucky to be surrounded by adults in my personal (not schooling) life who both went to bat for me and helped me understand why I shouldn’t respond with hatred and violence. It’s no coincidence that my family took me 3000 miles away when the violence reached its peak and it became clear that it wouldn’t get better quickly. I’m still pretty steamed that so many of my classmates’ parents–who were universally very successful (doctors, lawyers, an NBA player, etc.) and put on a facade of being high-minded and progressive–apparently taught them that I was to blame for the problems they and their families had worked so hard to overcome. And I’m puzzled as to how the entire administration of the school could turn such a blind eye. I clearly remember one teacher (Mrs. Farmer) being unusually supportive of me and going to bat for me on that and regarding my learning disability–and I must admit my memory of the staff’s involvement as a whole is hazy, but apparently they were some combination of disinterested and/or ignorant.

“Boys will be boys” is one thing, and I do think mild roughhousing has its place in many healthy peoples’ early lives. But there’s a point where somebody has to stop the madness and I clearly remember being incredibly hurt and frustrated that nobody seemed to care.

OK–I misread your earlier post just like Brandon did and actually you’re right. But I wish people didn’t have to wait until they were 17/18/19 to get educated about that.

70

[QUOTE=Shirley Ujest]
She wasn’t a little girl. She was a senior and a perenial trouble maker. Coming to school (with a mix of jews, blacks and chaldeans) dressed as a Klan member is not a good move. And it wasn’t a complete ass kicking. It was a couple of students kicking her in the butt as she walked in the hallways for her first class telling her to get out of school.

A teacher intervened, saw the get up and she was marched to the principals office.
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Well, that does change things somewhat. I’m still not sure that the story should be offered as a comfort blanket to fetus, even with the additional details coming to light. However, that is neither here nor there; and I don’t care to hijack this thread further. Thank you for the clarification.

71

I’m still relatively young and don’t really “feel” like an adult yet, but I am a career-status college grad.

You really do gain a lot more self confidence with time! And it is easier to let idiotic comments roll off your back. And teenagers are pretty annoying. :smiley:

You really do have to “make time” for friends (or I do, at least). Life is just really fricking busy.

Waiting for things (movie premieres, concerts, product releases, someone’s birthday) for weeks or even months is not a big deal. There’s enough to keep one occupied that the time just whizzes by.

Other adults no longer have any particular authority until they earn it. I take everything I hear now with a grain of salt, and have no problem thinking of certain other adults, older than me, as stupid.

And it is chilling to realize that there are lots and lots of people, maybe nearby, who would think nothing much of killing you or completely fucking up your life. After being mugged I don’t feel safe walking the night streets alone anymore, which really sucks.

If you’re not dealing with them constantly in your job or for some interest group, you really have to work to remember things and keep up your skills. It’s sad. And I already feel like I have less pfysical stamina. Sucks to think it’ll keep going downhill. Sleep is awesome and to an extent, so are showers.

Geez, spending money is a lot easier, and you don’t have to be rich. Way back when I couldn’t even imagine dropping $500 at once on anything. Now…

Man, good and plentys and candy corn are now too sweet. The mind boggles.

72

I was never suprised to find that adults were mostly selfish & stupid. I learned that much as a child. But I’m still shocked now by the level of incompetance in people I thought knew everything. My parents, teachers, Police officers. The people I trusted so much growing up are just human.

I’m suprised by how little I know given my years, I expected to have it all figured out by now. And I’m shocked to find that many of the ‘facts’ I read in books as a child are out of date, plain wrong or nothing more than guess work.

That neither myself or my older brother are scientists or Prime Ministers. We were so much smarter than everyone that I’m shocked to see myself as average now and him as a useless slack-ass.