Biggest Poop Story Thread Ever! TMI!

Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share
1

I confess. I have an obsession with poop stories. I don’t have a fetish with poop, but the stories make me giggle like a school girl. Please share your embarrassing poop stories and make me laugh. I’ll start.

I was walking in Target and had a rumbling in my stomach. I knew that feeling before. I was in the jewelry section and had a cart full of stuff. I had to abandon the cart. I knew I didn’t want to use the Target bathroom because I didn’t want to stink up the place so I tried to drive home. Big mistake! I was feeling it coming and when I got home I saw I had a little fudge in the pants. I had massive diarrhea for the rest of the day.

2

“Paging Dr. Lieu…Dr. Lieu to I.P.U., please”

3

“Gas, Bloating, Flatulence” Love it.

Ok, one day about 15 years ago, a friend and I are walking through Daley Plaze and this guy wearing white painter’s work pants and a white t-shirt goes running past us, in that peculiar style that screams “I Gotta GO!!!”.

Except he clearly already had. And about 50 feet past us, evidence dropped out the bottom of his pant leg.

I always wondered if the pigeons cleaned up after that.

4

Google Ad = “Gas, Bloating, Flatulence” :: snicker ::

5

there is also an ad for hunger relief somehow…I hope they are not suggesting we eat our poop or flatulence! or that people in other parts of the world regularly dine on feces (though South Indian food is the closest thing to edible feces! ::yuck:!)

I too love me some poop stories. I read a few threads here before that had me shaking so hard in my cube where I thought I would all out explode laughing and expose my non-productive worthless soul.

my worst poop story: in NY, ate some really bad italian food around noon…around 3 head down to Philly, halfway thru i feel a gastric stew brewing but I think i can hold out…get into the city and now the pressure is killing me…sweat rolls from my forehead, my brothers are in the car and wondering why I’m not heading towards my relative’s place and instead am driving all over w/ a frantic look in my eye. I finally find a chinese restaraunt, pull over and as i get up I start feeling it…coming.

I ask where the bathroom is, walk back there, and just before I get in, the floodgates open and I have Human Nestle Quik running down my ass and legs…i am mortified as I have not shat myself in 20 years…i’m shamed and worse of all, there is a happy trail down the back of my pants, in my boxers, on the floor from the door to the can and I can’t stop the flow!!! Finally I clean myself up, rinse out my jeans, toss out my boxers and socks in the open faced garbage can, realize that there’s not much I can do about the shrapnel on the outer edge of the can and wall, ppl are knocking on the door wondering what’s going on and I’m scared bcuz I have to meet some family up RIGHT AFTER THIS. I take off my sweatshirt (on a cold 45’ day) wrap it around my waist to hide my wet ass on my jeans, and i make a beeline out the door. the cook asks me if all is ok and I have this look on my face like “i’m sorry”, I jump in the car, my brothers are convinced I pooped myself, and i’m trying to create a story that I puked and it got all over me and splashed back on to me off the sink. I have been traumatized since then. :eek:

6

Ok. Here is mine.

My husband, my toddler son, my parents and I headed to dinner one fine evening. I felt fine however once we got to the restaurant and had to wait forever to be seated, I started feeling lightheaded. Nothing in the abdominal area, just lightheaded and warm.

I tried to make poo poo in the potty but nothing happened. I became progressively more ill feeling and even felt nauseas although I still wasn’t feeling that rumbly in my tumbly.

We decided to just leave. As we headed out and drove out the drive, I started getting that all too familiar gurgling. We pulled into a convenience store so DH and my dad could get a drink. As we waited, and waited I couldn’t hold it anymore. I made towards the front door, knowing bad things were happening.

In the middle of the store, I was moving like nobody’s business. Just as I hit the midway mark, I spotted the bathroom door. I did some sort of leap to hasten my step. Unfortunately the not so graceful move also caused my cheeks to pull apart a bit thus allowing the not so pleasant ooze of the fecal matter those cheeks were desperately holding back.

Once inside the bathroom it was there on the potty I learned the awful fate of my panties. They were done for. Luckily, sniff sniff those troopers held the fecal matter, saving my jeans. I sure do miss those underpants. However, I feel sorry for the trash guy.

Luckily my dad and husband were waiting outside laughing madly. My poor mother was the only one showing an ounce of concern.

The ride home, commando, was the most horrific ride. The undies were gone and nothing was going to stop the tide this time. Fate had had enough with me I guess as I made it home sans the poo butt mask.

Sadly this is not my first foray into poops-in-pants. I got home just in time once to have my butt clench release as the tumbler on the lock turned on my front door.

It’s like the closer you get to home, the less your butt cheeks want to help you out.

7

My poop (Can I just say shit? Poop is what toddlers do!) story is really long so I’m just going to link to it.

It’s been nearly three years, and it still brings tears to my eyes. I don’t know if it’s the laughter, or the memory of that god awful stench that does it. It haunts my dreams, it does.

The Time Someone Shit in My Lab

8

I recently watched Margaret Cho’s Revolution and she tells a great story about crapping her pants in the car. I think I was sweating, I was laughing so hard. She ran through the whole gamut of “am I going to do it?” “I know I’m going to do it” “oh God I did it” stages. Brilliant.

My own personal shit story has already been told in this classic thread:

Ever shit your pants?

9

I think there must be something in the air at Target. I was shopping in the back of the really BIG store, and I had to waddle up front to the bathroom. Alas, I also had to leave my panties in the little paper bag thingy. It was not pretty. I always wear dark shorts now when I go to Target.

10

I recently did it BIG TIME in my own bathroom. Rugs had to be washed. Dogs were barking their heads off. Undies had to get tied up in a grocery bag and thrown out. (Dunkin Donuts iced coffee was to blame, btw. But I was lucky - nobody human was home. Now my sister…it happened to her in her own bathroom while her younger son had a little friend over. And, it was the downstairs bathroom where it happened. The bathroom that is like going to the bathroom right in the living room. The only lucky thing is that her older son was around to bring her a nighty to change into. He can be such a wise guy, I’m surprised he did it though.

11

Not a big poop, but the first year I was living with my (now) Wife, I took her to the ballet for her birthday. Leaving the garage, I suggested we go out for a nice drink and dessert.

We never made it. I sneezed too hard, and both ends opened up. Had to drive the rest of the way home with full trousers.

12

Oh dear–you did ask, though! I was walking the dog, out in the middle of absolutely nowhere and the brown began to rumble something fierce, as it often does when one is exercising out in the boonies. Well, I’m a liberated, self sufficient person, so I didn’t agonize over it too much, although I must say I wasn’t too happy about the fact that I had neglected to put some kleenex into my pocket which I usually remember to do. I stepped off the path, found some leaves (maple leaves and a bit of grass, avoiding the stinging nettles and other scary plants that grow in abundance in these here parts) pulled down the walking shorts and splorged a goodly dump onto the forest floor. Wiped myself, stood up and was pulling the shorts back up when I realized that the dog wasn’t where I’d last seen her. I called out, then heard a rustling from right behind me–uh oh… turned around to see my gigantic, egregiously furry Malemute joyfully rolling in the steaming pile I’d just left behind me, a big doggy grin on her face as she expressed her appreciation with me for being such a nice mommy and leaving her such a lovely batch of perfume. There might be worse things than having to walk three miles home next to an aromatic, sticky dog covered in yesterday’s food, but I’m not entirely certain what that might be–and having to bathe her while she vigorously shook poopy water all over me just made it more vivid. We’re so spoiled in this country–one yank on a handle and gallons of water whisks our shit away to never-never land. It’s humbling to be forcefully reminded that shit is real and always with us… :smack:

13

Ok, well this one time during soccer practice back when i was 8ish, I had suddenly had this terrible feeling in me loins. I ask the coach if i could go to the bathroom, he says sure, there are some bushes over there. Well, i didnt really want to crap in these bushes because on the other side of them was a semi busy road, so i ask him if the school is open, he says no…

Yeah, i used the bushes, luckly you had to go down a small hill to get to them so my soccer team couldnt see me squatting with my whitie tighties around my ankles and then trying to use leaves to wipe the really nasty stuff away. Im just glad that i didnt hear anyone honk from the road, I probably would have hit the ground from embarassment… right into my freshly made pile.

14

Imagine this, the junior prom. My brother wearing his Angel Flight white bellbottoms, elephant flairs, standing in the kitchen, minutes before leaving to pickup his date.
Now see my sister bringing the dog who’s been sick into the kitchen to drink some water. The dog begins to hack, ready to vomit. My brother grabs the dog and turns his head away from him just in time. Or so he thinks. Stinky raises his tail. Projectile diarrhea. :eek: :eek: :eek:

15

Truly words to live by. :slight_smile: Good story too!

16

I was doing some field work somewhere along the Florida / Alabama border a few years back, soil and vegetation testing, and was working a decidedly rural area. Thing about that particular region is that many of the roads are dirt, there’s a lot of unpopulated woodland and you never know when a house is going to pop up. Very unsurbubany.

It was in just such a place that I got an untimely, insensitive message from my bowels that they were in urgent need of evacuation. In getting off the main dirt road, I turned up a smaller, less travelled one although at ever increasing speed and began looking for an appropriate place to dump what was apparently going to be a rather large load. Blasting along this trail, I spied a worthy batch of trees, briefly thought I saw a human form and house to my left, power slid around the back of the flora, grabbed a roll of buttwipe and ran around to the sliding door of the panel van where I could finally drop my shorts, park one ass cheek on the side step and the other over grassy field and finally poop for all I was worth.

Think upside down volcano. Ass flow tuff. Major eruption. Mucho ejecta.

About the time I was starting to wonder if I should have rented a taller van, I hear another vehicle plowing across the field in a manner as hurried and reckless as my approach had been. Seems a father and son saw me blow past their house, had understandably wondered as to my urgency, came to investigate and were now witnessing my active bunghole framed by the open door of a van dropping ubiquitous amounts of poop onto their verdant meadow.

You know, it’s really weird to have someone who’s mad at you watch you poop. It’s even weirder to have them watch you wipe. And it’s weird beyong words to have to approach them and make some rational description of why pinching a large, fragrant loaf on their place was absolutely necessary.

I don’t know why I open these threads. They bring back memories I’d done my best to surpress.

17

HAHAHA ROTFLMAO! :smiley: :smiley: :smiley:

I now have another story to tell strictly bcuz of this one. So at work today, just after reading this story, I go to the bathroom to take a very ungodly crap. As I make my deposit at the aquabank, for whatever reason,. this story pops up in my head. Then I start getting visuals of what Lieu must look like, ass hanging from van, dropping a steamy turd while being yelled at and interrogated, and then wiping his ass while getting yelled at. The images start making me laugh…loud enough to be heard. I’m trying to stifle it but I can’t , i’m laughing louder and shaking, shaking hard enough to trigger the automatic flush thing, and i get doused in toilet plume…3 times. Then i hear: “you alright in there?” Someone is in the stall next door and has heard me cackling like a buffoon. I recognize the voice as my colleague and I don’t say anything lest he ID me. He asks again, I say nothing but now, for whatever reason, I have the visuals mentioned above combined w/ the funny visuals inspired by “Worst Time to have an erection?” thread in IMHO…so now I’m shaking so hard, ribs are hurting from laughing, and I got a questioner next door. Literally I had the shits and giggles.

Finally the colleague goes away, but now I’m too embarrassed to follow out. So i wait 15 mins to make sure no one would spot me out there in the office and left. So thanks Lieu, you just made my day!

18

20 yrs ago, in the dorm-complex cafeteria at grad school, we’d filled our guts & were just hanging out talking, and I feel the urge to let a little gas vent out.

Nope- instead I made a good-sized pie in my pants, fortunately no smell, AND THE GUY I WAS TALKING WITH HAD NO CLUE.

I excused myself “oh my God- the family’s supposed to call me in 5 min”, rushed out into my dorm building next door, waited what seemed like forever for the elevator, got up to my room (6th floor), took my change of undies & pants to the
bathroom & spent 30 min cleaning it up.

19

Last November, I got quite ill and had massive gas problems. You ever get that kind of gas wehre every fart feels like you might “poo a little”, or at least let a little…liquid…out?

Anyway, I was home and my wife came home for lunch and we watched some television while eating. It was winter, so I had a blanket over me. Anyway, she got ready to go back to work and I let one(fart) go and yes, a little liquidy poo came out.

I was wearing boxer shorts so I’m thinking it probably came out a little. My wife looks at me to give me a hug before she leaves and I just put my arms out without standing up. She comes over, gives me a hug and leaves.

I stand up and there is some serious…liquid poo on the couch. I cleaned it…and myself up and never told my wife about it.