What are you talking about Bookkeeper? Driving in your lane just because the light turned green? Don’t you realize it’s your job as a carefull, courteous driver to watch out for the whole world and let them go first because that’s the only way to live in a society? Really! How do people like you get driver licenses?
scout1222-
I’ve got some pretty serious ink on my back already…I was thinking about an additional armband.
I’m gonna pick the bike up at the new Harley shop in North County. (it’s in San Marcos)
I’m gonna skip the whole ponytail thing though…I’ve been out of the Marines for 8 years, but I still can’t get used to growing my hair out.
Reminds me of a line from Jerimiah Johnson: “I see you have grown your hair out”. (in an oblique reference to the scalping practices of the time period)
I get mine mail order from Sears, personally. Saves all kinds of hassle with hangin’ round the DMV and all. Best of all, they’re just like the regular kind! 
Kalley I liked your decoratin’ show ideas. Can I get to be the decorator who gets to redo a big burly biker’s bedroom? Of course, it would be necessary for me to be behind the closed bedroom door with the biker for long periods of time explaining the nuances of decorating. I like to do a thorough job.
My cave is gettin’ termite treated today. They’re gonna squirt stuff in the walls. The baseboards are gettin’ replaced too. Then I get to stain 'em. I’ll never match that stain I just know it, even though I know what kind of stain it is and Home Depot has it just like they did before, it won’t look the same, I just know it. I’ll be the laughing stock of the 'hood. :o They’ll all talk behind my back. They’ll say: “Did you see that mismatched stain on Swampy’s baseboards! We might as well all be living in a trailer park for all he cares! Imagine! And he says he’s gay! Why, no self respecting gay man would allow such trashiness!” My reputation will be ruined! Ruined I say! 
Oh! The shame if it all!
-swampbear (the new shame for the neighbors)
I’ll tell you what swampbear, don’t you invite me to your place if your baseboards aren’t matched perfectly…
Just thinking about those mismatched boards makes me want to show rude gestures to ponytailed bikers everywhere.
I’m so upset, I might have to get out my surfboard and get some waves this afternoon…Oh wait, I was gonna do that anyway…
carry on.
Oh, the shame! I make people think about showing rude gestures by the very thought of mismatched baseboards. I am scum! I am beneath scum! I am beneath what the stuff that is beneath scum thinks is beneath it! Sniff I guess I’ll just sit here and wait quietly for the Gay Police to come take away my credentials and my Louis Vuitton luggage.
First the obligatory:
When come back, bring pie.
And next:
Can I have your Louis Vuitton luggage?
First:
When the Gay Police come the only pie I will be allowed is Hostess Fruit Pies. When they take away gay credentials they mean bidness! :eek:
Second:
The Louis Vuitton luggage will be auctioned on GayBay, the secret gay on-line auction, which, now that you know about it, will cause you to have a visit from the Gay Police (they’ll identify themselves as encyclopedia salesmen but it’s really two guys named Guido and Bruce). They will make sure you “forget” you know about GayBay. Then they’ll give you a makeover and re-upholster your living room so it’s not all bad.
Why don’t we just ask Guido and Bruce to bring back the proper stain for the baseboards?
Oh, and tell them I already spray my cologne in the air and walk through the mist.
I don’t want the luggage, but I’d be very interested in the floating beer cooler.
Oh, wait. They probably wouldn’t confiscate that for Gay Infractions, would they?
Wasn’t Louis Vuitton the guy who was king of France when the 3 Mousketeers were hiding in Bedford forest? Or was that Louie Louie?
On the other hand, I hate Hostess pies.
You know, I could very easily be a gay guy, except for that having sex with other men part.
Having pie with other men, though, that I could do.
Could Guido and Bruce bring pie?
I actually prefer cake, but “When come back, bring cake” lacks a certain I don’t know what (when you read the last four words, translate them into French in your head, it will make the sentence sound better). If we’re talking Hostess, the chocolate cupcake are sort of okay to eat, but they were better when I was a kid. Dolly Madison cakes (do they still make these?) were inedible, and, if they are indeed still made, probably still are. Entenman’s makes a pretty good pound cake, and they have these soft mini donuts that are to die for!
King Louie was the ape that wanted the secret of fire so he could be the King of the Jungle instead of just King of the Apes. He was partial to jazz music.
First, I think I’ll flirt with Bumba
Bumba How You doin’? Want some pie? 
The_Strangeone, I mean er see, since I am already a credentialed gay guy (or as we say here in the MMP boy who likes boys) I’m supposed to be naturally gifted at matching up just the right stain. However, stain is not that cooperative. Thus, Guido and Bruce will show up, yank my credentials, point and laugh at my mismatched stained baseboards, then go gossip about it with the neighbors. Guido and Bruce are brutal. There they’ll be, all over at the neighbors making mimosas for everybody and talking about how horrid my baseboards look. The Gay Police are a mean bunch.
Ex they can’t touch the cooler since it works both in gay and straight worlds. Besides, Guido and Bruce don’t swim so good so I’ll throw it into the deep end just to be safe.
Kalley if you ask em nice enough Guido and Bruce might bring creme brulee. MMMMMM… I think I’m gonna order me some creme brulee for dessert one night while I’m in Etlanner. And I know where I can get me some good creme brulee too. I think it’s spelled with two e’s. Dolly Madison still makes cakes. There’s a Dolly Madison bread store here. I go there sometimes to buy bread and Zingers.[sup]TM[/sup] I love me some Zingers.[sup]TM[/sup] Specially the chocolate ones.
-swampbear (I can’t be straight. I might lose my gay credentials. What will I be?)
Why not become officially bisexual? That way you keep all the gay stuff, you can eat girl’s pie, and you double you chances for a date…
Watch out - pie is well-known as being a gateway pastry - sure, you start off sharing a nice slice of apple pie, next thing you know, you’re getting a new toaster in the mail.
As for me, I’m safe - if I share a dessert, it’s not pie - it will always be some form of brownie sundae. That’s right - give me a brownie anything. Except don’t give it to me now - I’m trying to drop the vacation weight. And don’t give me the brownie that you were about to give me - I’d prefer fresh-baked. I’ll let you know when it’s time to make me a brownie.
And for the good news - my sister is being induced on Friday! Baby #3 for her - she’s being induced because the doctor thinks the baby is already somewhere between 8 and 9 pounds - even though she isn’t due for a couple weeks. Her last baby was so big that he fractured his collarbone when he came out. I’m hoping this one is a girl - not that I don’t love my 2 adorable nephews. I want to buy frilly stuff!
Susan
Ummmmmm…wouldn’t that make you a GAYNGSTA??? 
Well, now that Mlle. susan_foster has warned me about those gateway pastries…I’ll be keeping an eye out for Guido and Bruce knocking on my door with hostess cherry pies. (draw your own conclusions about the double entendres possible in THAT last statement!)
And susan I hope you get your chance to buy frilly things for a niece…I have two daughters and I love shopping for them…(I have been accused of a latent gay gene)…and swampbear you had better check the status on your credentials, amigo, I just painted my girlfriends living room in a two-tone mocha motif, WITH MATCHING BASEBOARDS! (she made some joking reference to Martha Stewart…but still gave me some serious luv later that evening…
Ok, now I am officially skeeved and* a failure at baseboard staining. Unless you mean eat pies baked by girls, which I’ve done many times. I can do that.
s_f if your sister has a boy, and if you buy him frilly things and if the first word he says is faaaaaaa-bu-lous!!! then don’t be surprised when one of his prized childhood possessions turns out to be a toaster. Just sayin’ is all. And if he says two guys named Guido and Bruce are his heroes, watch out!
susan, there’s no reason you can’t buy frilly stuff for your nephews. Remind them that pirates wear filly shirts and Napoleon wore short breeches. Heck, the new one won’t know what he’s wearing (if it is a he), so go ahead and put him in little pink dresses and lacy socks. If you don’t take any pictures, there’s no reason for him to ever know.
See, I’m getting one of each. My neice (the Perfect One) is having twins (have I mentioned this before?) and we know that one is a girl and one is a boy. This is because my neice is the Perfect One, and, if she cannot get pregnant again, she will still have a Perfect Family Grouping. Had the twins been of the same gender, no doubt she would have gotten pregnant easily a second time, again had twins and they would have been of the other gender, or, they would have decided to adopt a child of the other gender, but somehow find twins to adopt. That’s how her life works. Perfectly. Well, mostly, trouble getting started aside.
Anyway, I’ll be buying frilly and bouncy and cute and sweet and all the other adjectives associated with baby clothes. I won’t buy socks though, because love baby toes and so don’t want them covered up. Plus, one of my co-workers will become a daddy to twins, a boy and a girl, at almost the same time as my neice and so anything I buy that I don’t get mailed, I can give to them and be able to see it on an actual kid instead of just a picture. I get to be a substitute aunt for my co-worker’s kids because we agree that children should be taught that the difference between seeing a movie at the theater and seeing a movie on video is that at the movies, you can’t talk.
To clarify, I won’t be buying adjectives, but things that are described by those adjectives. Later, I’ll be buying things that are noisy, slimy, messy, gross and/or have many small pieces. Everntually, I’ll be buying things that are not actually forbidden, but still disapproved of. I’m very good at being an aunt.
I’m sorry! What could I have been thinking? puts driver’s licence back in the Corn Flakes box
You just like the chocolate Zingers Swampy? Me, I like the red raspberry ones with the coconut. When I get Zingers (which isn’t all that often) it’s usually the three-pack of red raspberry Zingers with the coconut. Dolly Madison also makes a pudding pie. Hostess sticks with the “fruit” kind, but Dolly dishes up the pudding ones. Very good with a cold Dr Pepper. If you like Dr Pepper. And pudding pies. If you don’t like them, well, as Sun Tzu said “more for me”. Or was that Einstein? Either way.
“A two-tone mocha motif” Stranger? Good thing you’re getting that cool bike.
Yay for Susan’s sister and the new kid.