Two cats are on the English side of the English Channel. One’s named “one, two, three” and the other is named, “Un, Deux, Trois.” On “go” they are to swim across in a race.
The cats hear “Read, Set, GO!” and off they swim. Cat “One, Two, Three” won. Why?
Because “Un, Deux, Trois” quatre cinq
My favorite Spanish/English joke.
A Mexican guy goes into a clothing store in the US. He says to the salesman, “I want buy clothes, but I not know name.”
The salesman holds up a shirt.
He shakes his head no.
The salesman holds up a pair of pants.
He shakes his head no.
The salesman holds up some socks.
The Mexican exclaims “Eso si que es!” (Yes, that’s it!)
The salesman says irritatedly, “If you knew how to spell it, why didn’t you say so in the first place!”
S [es]
O [o]
C [si]
K [que]
S [es)]
And after six years, I’m sure he’s relieved to be told this.
Embarazada. Dudes can’t be embarazados, except for F2M who haven’t had the final surgery (and who, for biological purposes, don’t count as male yet).
The last sentence would be “sí, y yo se las vi”: “yes, and I saw her underpants”, or, as sailor says, in singular as you had it and then it’s the part under the underpants. “I saw her fall too” would be “sí, yo también la vi.”
Brings me back to when I was little and boys would start screaming “te las he visto, te las he visto” and we’d answer “¡porque las llevo!” (“I’ve seen them (your underpants)” “because I have them on!”)
Not really bilingual, but in the same vein.
How do you say “ladder” in Arabic? BahamelahaulaHaime. (“Get the cage down for me James”, pronounced with an aspirated H instead of the Spanish hard Js)
How do you say “subway” in German? Subanestrujenbajen. (Get on, squeeze, get off).
Sorry if this one is confusing, but it is visual.
“What’s this?” <makes hand motion of a squid swimming>
“Pusit.” (Filipino for squid)
“Then what’s this?” <reverses the hand motion>
“Opposite.”
Ta da.
Why does a frenchman only eat one egg for breakfast?
Because one egg is un oeuf
In Paris. a woman goes into a linen shop and conversation proceeds as follows:
“Combien pour cette tishtoch?”
“Cinquante francs, Madame”
"Cinquante francs! Mais, c’est un *schmatte! *
"Une schmatte, madame!? Quelle chutzpah!
This is French, but the italized words are Yiddish. It’s funnier in the French, but here’s an English translation:
How much is this tablecloth?
50 francs, Madame
50 francs! But, it’s a rag.
A rag, madame!? What Chutzpah!
Oooo! My favorite!
What do you call a lonely banana?
Akela.
(Akela=alone; kela=banana)
Why are Chinese businessmen so aggressive?
They have a Taipei personality!
(I think I heard that here long ago.)
To be read with an Italian accent:
One day ima gonna Malta to bigga hotel.
Ina morning I go to eat breakfast. I tella waitress I wanna two pissis toast.
She brings me only one piss.
I tella her I want to piss.
She says go to the toilet.
I say you no understand. I wanna to piss onna my plate.
She say you better not piss onna plate, you sonna ma bitch.
Later I go to eat at the bigga restaurant.
The waitress brings me a spoon and a knife but no fock.
I tella her I wanna fock.
She tella me everyone wanna fock.
I tella her you no understand. I wanna fock on the table.
She say better not fock on the table, you sonna ma bitch.
I don’t even know the lady and she calla me sonna ma bitch.
So I go to my room inna hotel and there is no sheit onna my bed.
I calla the manager and tella him I wanna sheit.
He tella me to go to the toilet.
I say you no understand. I wanna sheit on my bed.
He say you better not sheit onna bed, you sonna ma bitch.
I don’t even know the man and he calla me a sonna ma bitch.
I go to the checkout and the man at the desk say: “Peace on you.”
I say piss on you too, you sonna ma bitch. I gonna back to Italy.
§§§§§§§§§§
I’ve known this one for years but every time I read it I still laugh till I cry.
Copy/paste it !
What’s better than Bonnie and Clyde?
Bonnie without Kleid!
Kleid = dress. “Bonnie without her dress on” was my German teacher’s idea of a racy joke.
It’s a French word hat goes back at least to the 16th century, when SZhakespeare used it as part of a bilingual joke:
“Foot” and “coun” are roughly the way two French obscenities are pronounced – words which a well-brought-up princess like Katharine is not supposed to know.
My mother was once reading the biography of an Israeli prime minister (Begin, maybe?) that had a really funny story about a speech that went somewhat wrong.
In classical Hebrew, zion (aside from being a letter) means “to arm”. (Since you ask, Zion-the-place is an Anglization of “tzion”, an entirely different word). Among young Israelis, it came to mean… well, the Hebrew equivalent of the f-word. Possibly-Mr-Begin didn’t know this.
So he gives this speech about how Israel is not going to zion her enemies, even if the world is zioning them, even if the world is pressuring her to zion them. Instead, Israel will zion every one of her citizens, the government will zion everyone, etc.
The older audience members were clapping at this impassioned speech. The younger people, as you can imagine, were laughing their heads off. I really wish I had the book so I could give you an exact transcript.
A Frenchman goes on a TV “talented pets” programme with a pig he has trained to do sums. He asks it “Pig, what is four plus five?” And the pig grunts “neuf”.
Then he says “Pig, what is twenty take away eleven?”. And the pig grunts “neuf”.
Then he says “Pig, what is three times three?”. And the pig grunts “neuf”.
So the presenter exclaims “What nonsense! The pig only knows the answer when it is neuf!”.
“Not at all!” replies the owner. “Pig, what is a hundred and twelve divided by fourteen?”. In the same moment he kicks the pig in the scrotum with all his might, and the pig squeals “Huuuiiiiittt!!! Huuiiiittt!! Huuiitt!”
Well, thank Og it wasn’t me who bumped the thread.
I KNOW there’s another, possibly older thread on this, because I contributed to it.
Can’t find it now on a quick search, though…
Two Germans at an English bar :
‘Tvo Martinis, please.’
Waiter : ‘Dry ?’
‘NEIN ! ZWEI, DUMMKOPF !’
Silly song fragment from high-school German class:
Heim, Heim auf dem Herd
–sung to the tune of “Home, Home on the Range”; Heim = home, Herd = range, but the cooking area on top of the stove, not the area where cattle roam. 
According to Freud, what comes between fear and sex?
Fünf!
No, but I’m wondering why you thought it worth answering such an old question. 