No, no, no! You’re forgetting that we are all in a combat situation now - in what the BBC now refers to as ‘what America calls the War on Terror’…
And the rest of us call TWAT. 
Hmmm… maybe somebody in al-Qaeda had just heard O’Reilly blasting out of somebody’s car stereo one time too many.
O’Reilly has delusions of adequacy. I would be quite amazed if any television personality (he isn’t by any stretch of the imagination a journalist) would be on Osama’s hit list. If he was to be on any list, it would be on Bush’s wiretap list, but only for the erotic content of his phone calls.
Betcha don’t know who ObL’s number one ally in America is! Turns out, its me. Imagine my surprise! Think progress has a copy of Bungalo Bill’s newest “book”…
Excerpts:
Puking yer guts out yet?
and
May not be around for a while, I’m going to turn myself in. Thought I loved America, turns out I was *waaaaay *wrong!
That’s a good question.
Myself, I’m curious about something else. If Tommy Franks were to fall down a flight of stairs and shatter like glass, revealing a dozen robot schnauzers that had been occupying his ceramic shellbody, what would your reaction be?
As long as we’re dealing in hypotheticals and all.
Again, shock and awe. Unless you mean **miniature **schnauzers. Then, just shock.
Awwwe!
Oh shit, I forgot all about that.
Well, I guess Bill “Orally” can always sic Fox Security on Osama and co.
Actually, that would explain a great deal.
I’m surprised at you guys. Bill O’Reilly may at times approach the boundaries of good taste in his lonely fight to defend America from … things, and in his zeal he sometimes gets minor details wrong (like the time a Polk award he didn’t win became, in the telling, two Peabodys that he did). But to vilify the man by denying his very real combat history (in the trenches, at the front, taking no prisoners) in a recent war is beyond the pale (and Billy O. knows from pale).
The truth of the matter probably goes something like this:
FBI: Mr. O’Reilly, this is agent Worth. We saw your interview with ABC and we’re afraid there may have been some miscommunication.
O’Reilly: What, about me being shortlisted for Pope, but declining it out of respect for the Lethal Weapon franchise? Listen, I can explain that–
FBI: It’s not about that.
O’Reilly: (Pause) Oh. Good. 'Cause that’s a fact. I check my facts, mister, especially when they’re about His Holiness, me.
FBI: It’s Mrs., actually. But the claim I’m calling about is the one about you being on an Al Qaeda hit list.
O’Reilly: Also a fact.
FBI: Um, no, it really isn’t.
O’Reilly: That’s impossible. You guys came to my office and said you had good information – intelligence, you called it – that I was personally marked for death.
FBI: That much is true.
O’Reilly: And that it was a result of my hard-hitting, no-spinning fight for an America I can believe in.
FBI: Also more or less accurate.
O’Reilly: Then what’s the deal? I mean, if Osama –
FBI: That’s it. That’s the problem. We didn’t say Osama.
O’Reilly: That’s ridiculous, I heard the guy say –
FBI: Not Osama. Santa. Santa is what we said.
O’Reilly: (Long pause) As in Claus?
FBI: Yes.
O’Reilly: Saint Nick?
FBI: Yes.
O’Reilly: Kris Kringle?
FBI: A frequent alias.
O’Reilly: Santa wants me … dead?
FBI: “Pushing up mistletoe” is how he put it.
O’Reilly: But why?
FBI: Apart from his professed distaste for “that sanctimonious asshole” – I’m just quoting, here, you understand –
O’Reilly: Yes.
FBI: --it’s this whole War on Christmas thing. Apparently Santa really doesn’t like your style there. He doesn’t want you on his side, or any side, really.
O’Reilly: So you didn’t say I’m a target of “The Raghead himself?”
FBI: No, Mr. O’Reilly. What we said was, and I quote… “You’re going to be fragged, by an elf.”
O’Reilly: (Really, really long pause)
[ chortling ]
The sad part is that he can’t even come up with anything as original as “What’s the frequency, Kenneth?”