Bill Murchison, please lick my scrotum

Normally, I’m not one to complain too loudly about this guy. I mean, he’s kind of a one-trick pony, and if I really went out of my way to take offense I’d be permenantly a-tizzy (it would be like posting a pit thread every day saying “Man, that Mallard Fillmore really choked on llama semen this morning.”)

But today I open my paper and find this article staring back at me. What the hell? It’s like reading a Chick tract without the clear call to repent or burn at the end. Am I supposed to understand it? I’m pissed, but I don’t really understand what he’s getting at here.

I mean, is he calling for an old school tent revival, followed by a mass purge of all the heathen from our shores? Is he really insinuating that Methodists go to hell (I can’t tell . . .) I’m pretty sure that he is calling for a religious war. He’s definately suggesting that women be put back in their place and that gays shut up. And I assuredly need to be told of my future place in the fires of hell.

I also doubt that a former Methodist, after converting to Islam, immediately donned a full-body hijab and decided that Allah forbid her to work or to laugh out loud in public. I also know that Pentecostalism has been doing pretty well, despite Bill’s insinuation that Christianity is somehow shrinking to the size of Murchisons sad, grey testes.

In short, he is not only a lying, deceitful sack of shit, he commits the cardinal sin of being confusing about it. I get the impression that he wants some kind of Christian Taliban, but he doesn’t have the stones to come right out and say so. In short, Bill, take your stupid fucking article and fist it up your rectum. And I sure hope it gives you papercuts all the way.

Thanks for the venting opportunity.

It doesn’t sound to me like he’s calling for a Christian jihad, or any thing like it. He’s just saying that a lukewarm, wishy-washy, milquetoast sort of Christianity just doesn’t cut it with some people. They really want to know that what they do matters in a deeply spiritual, divine sense, and not just in some sort of warm-fuzzy kind of way.

The mushiness of the Christian presentation (as opposed to that which is supposedly presented) is a big part of the issue. Mushier than many modern Christians it would be hard to get. So-called liberal Christianity has been in the theological saddle for more than a century: modifying, modernizing, toning down, sanitizing, sweeping out – with many a disdainful sniff – stuff deemed non-essential to the social-services mission many would prefer for Christianity.


Sheesh, and what do we have to show for it except unprecedented peace and prosperity? What a gyp!

I dunno, it’s been all downhill ever since we stopped burning those witches.

Payne, I’d really like to agree with you, but I can’t. The subtext of this article is that Christians need to turn up the fear of hell in their believers, and start being stricter, or else their adherents will turn to false religions, and really go to hell. (Note his smug comments about how truth is truth, etc.) I find him sanctimonious and repulsive, and Pit-worthy.

He even disses Jehovah’s Witnesses, movcking them and calling them “ultra-monotheists.” That’s it, I’m pissed too.