As I just mentioned, the original plan was that I would stay with her and help her with any requests. But I got a cold the day after our baby was born, so the hospital wouldn’t let me on the ward. So my wife had no one to intercede for her with the nurses.
So, for example, when she woke up dying of thirst, she kept pushing the nurse call button but nobody came to see her for more than an hour.
ETA: Now, I should say that if she were to become pregnant again, we probably would still have the birth in the hospital because of the reasons that have been mentioned in this thread. But it wouldn’t be an easy choice, because I know she’d dread having to go back there.
That sounds like an awful situation, honestly. Do you have to use the same place? With my first I let the staff call the shots more than I should have initially. With my second (albeit at a different hospital) I was experienced enough to know what I needed and how to more successfully advocate for myself. Both experiences, bumps in the road notwithstanding, were overall very positive. Especially as I brought home a healthy baby and I survived as well!
As for the “thinking of it like a failure” if we go to the hospital- We don’t and wouldn’t think that, I was responding to a previous poster.
As for emergencies: The very first question I asked was what happens if something goes wrong and we need to transport. The simple answer is, we transport. The more complex answer is that there will already be an ambulance standing by, 30 seconds from the house, literally .4 miles away.
The midwife gave us several scenerio’s where a c-section would be needed, even with her around, and each one had some time before they became an emergency. I was concerned about oxygen flow and cord wrapped around the neck, and apparently that is quite common with some quite common remedies to rectify it…in certain instances.
Hospitals [some hospitals] are trying to make the birthing process as close to a home experience as possible because they know the benefits of surroundings. If we remain low-risk for the next two months, my wife will have the baby at home, where if she needs a glass of water, I’ll get up and get her one. If we do not remain low risk, we will be at a great birthing center and will be very happy to simply have a healthy baby!
For reference, my brother in law does anesthesia. He works two weeks off and two weeks on. When he is on call, its for 14 days, 24 hours a day. His contract says he has to be at the hospital within five minutes of getting a phone call (wake up in the middle of the night, roll out of bed, drive three minutes to hospital).
That’s why I’d go to the Hospital to start with. They’re not the torture chambers of the 1950s. They’re pretty mother and baby friendly, and they are a hospital. You get the best of both worlds, and I’m quite sure no one will stop you from getting your wife a glass of water (absent a valid medical reason).
Varies widely by hospital. As I’ve posted earlier in the thread, I’ve given birth in two separate hospitals. One was highly mother/baby friendly just as you describe. The other one was the one where I had to argue with the nurse to even get ice chips and forget about a glass of water. This is all within the last ten years. It pays to do your hospital research before giving birth.
That’s a good thing! But this is my wife’s first child, and we are trying to do everything we can to keep baby AND mom healthy…including reading articles like this one.
You know, even with my own difficult experience I still think home birth can be the right choice for some families. I don’t think anyone in this thread is trying to tell you it’s a stupid idea (well, maybe a few) but just trying to get you to really see the risks. It is naive to believe that most emergencies give fair warning, they most often do not.
Here’s an idea-take the ride to the hospital now just to test it out. And I’m honestly not being snarky here, but try doing it while your wife holds her breath and a pound of sugar between her knees and you punch her in the gut every time you hit even the smallest bump. This is what transport will be like in the real world.
If you’re going to do this, then really do it with your eyes wide open and all of your research done. There is a chance that everything will go just fine and it will be the most magical experience of your life, but there’s an equal chance that it will be the most awful and terrifying experience of your life and it’s best to be prepared for either situation.
Wow. As others pointed out, it only refers to mothers, and has special emphasis for those who’ve already given birth (ie, not your wife). Reading articles such as these won’t do a damn bit of good for your kid if you don’t understand what you are reading in the first plkace and then refuse to act on it in any event.
That is what my last sentence states…“it’s my wife’s first baby” and yes, I read the entire article. Of the hundreds of articles we have read, I’ve read a lot worse, and I’ve read a lot better. Please don’t infer I don’t understand the risks, because I am not “acting” on this and running back to the midwife to fire her doesn’t mean I don’t understand.
Frankly, I’m not even sure after this entire thread why you’d think I don’t understand. I’ve said we will transport if there is a problem, and I’ve said we have done the research. I don’t feel the need to discuss my and my wife’s credentials, especially since being here for 10 years [on SDMB] having discussed my profession many times. We get the risks.
We are not deftly or blindly doing anything.
What if I told you that sometimes it’s really difficult to strap my two-year-old into her car seat, so we just let her run around the back seat loose while we drive. Would you have any problems with that?
Our first wouldn’t have survived a home birthing, and 20 minutes would not have been enough time to save him.
My wife had a fairly normal pregnancy, and we were not expecting any complications. The labor quickly went south though, and if it wasn’t for the fetal monitoring and the emergency C-section, he wouldn’t be here today.
This wasn’t even a case of “20 hours, just cut him out, I give up”. Those are the contingencies you can’t count on, and that’s why the risk is higher for the child in a home birth, particularly when you do not know how your wife will handle labor.
Maybe that’s why I’m having trouble understanding the negative hospital experiences. The place where I delievered my babies was very family friendly—private room, baby boarded in, kitchen down the hall where I could get my own damn water if I woke up thirsty. I guess I need to remember that mileage varies a lot.
Your first paragraph is hysterical. And, strangely true.
As for the last sentence that I quoted—an acquaintence of mine whose wife had their third baby at home said, “It’s like a horror story with a happy ending.”
And you have nine months to shop around and find a hospital that fits your needs. Generally, an OB or midwife won’t practice in a hospital that has protocols they don’t agree to - if you have an old fashioned OB, he wants to practice in an old fashioned hospital…where a midwife with an emphasis on natural childbirth wants a birthing center that emphasizes the patient.
And it actually sounds like Philosphr has toured the birthing center that they would be transported to and is quite happy with the place (although in transport, you won’t get much of the birthing center experience anyway - it would be wisked into an emergency ER), but it still isn’t his first choice.
No, just as was said, it was unnecessary anesthesia. Plus, this was in the old days, when anesthesia was ether. Nasty smelling suffocating mask pushed onto your face. Plus copious vomiting afterward. Not good in any case, especially when you didn’t need it to begin with.
The real horror – and it gives me the creeps to think about it – was the practice of forcing the laboring mother to wait for the doctor before delivering by holding her legs together. This really happened, not to us, praise the lord, but my mom knew of cases where this was done. Obviously the pain would be excruciating, plus you didn’t really delay the birth, you just had a strong risk of damaging the newborn’s brain.
Gah! That’s awful.
My MIL didn’t tell me that particular experience, but she did say that when she had her first child (about 52 years ago), SOP was to bring the baby to mom’s room once per day. For the first 2 days that my BIL was alive, she was asleep during these baby visiting hours, so she missed him, and the nurses wouldn’t bring him to her at any other time. Again, rules are rules. Finally she kicked up enough of a fuss (because she thought that perhaps the baby had died and they weren’t telling her) that they bent the rule.
