TLDR version: I irritated the boss’s wife, and she got me fired, but they forgot about my health issue and unfired me until I find out the extent of my health issue and when my health issue is resolved or deemed a non-issue, I’m fired again. Have a great weekend!
Long, boring version:
This week has been a week out of the twight zone. Monday, I go to lunch with my bosses. We meet a couple of judges, and I’m introduced as the best paralegal in town. I then have to inform them that those pesky precancerous cervical cells are back, one rung higher on the scale, biopsy on the 11th, so pretty much unknown at the moment, but we’re thinking positive with just another freeze. Yippee. I’m not all that concerned, it’ll be the same old drill from 2.5 years ago (I took all 3 days of missed work as vacation); however, with young kids, I am a tad disconcerted. The bosses are supportive.
Tuesday I get a call from one of the boss’s wife. She has become our defacto office manager. If we need letterhead paper we have to contact her. Only she can order it from her buddy. :rolleyes: Whatever, I don’t care. My entire interaction with this woman is generally ‘Hi, how ya doing?’ We chit chat about crap for 2 mins, and she’s gone. The last time I spoke with her for any length of time was last Christmas.
Anyhow, she calls because she’s got question about Word. She wants me to create a macro that will imbed a header and footer in a document “with a couple of key thingies” (she said thingies) and the same “key thingies” to remove it. After 5 mins of talking I understand her to want me to take the PDF of our letterhead that she has on a “disc rom” and insert it in and out of documents because she doesn’t want to buy paper from her friend anymore, nor does she want proof of us having the letterhead on our server. Besides the ethical dilemma, it seems like a hell of a lot of work when all we want to do is print a fucking letter. Printing the letterhead ourselves was out of the question. Why? She didn’t say. I tell her that I don’t know if Word is capable, and if it was, that I don’t know how to do it. I suggest she call her friend who created our letterhead. She goes apeshit crazy about how I am NOT allowed to contact friend, I am NOT to discuss this with anyone. I apologize again and tell her it’s over my head. In my head, I’m thinking she’s a fucking thieving, unethical bitch for wanting to screw over her friend.
Wednesday I come in and am informed that I need to find a job before the end of the year. I am, shall we say, stunned. There is nothing in my personnel file except glowing reviews. I have never once been called onto the carpet. I’m told: It’s not your work, that’s top notch! It’s solely because of a personality conflict with the boss’s wife. The one I speak to once a year. The attorney I’ve been with tells me she’s really sorry but she can’t do anything about it. Nevermind that her name is 2nd on the letterhead. But hey, I’ll buy that her hands are tied. I tell her I can’t believe I’m getting fired for somethig so trivial. She tells me repeatedly I’m not fired, that we just want you to get another job, you know, before the end of the year, but you aren’t fired. :rolleyes:
Thursday, the attorney I work with comes in to tell me that she’s so royally fucked. She sat in my office for 10 mins belaboring her impending hell (though I did get a chuckle that boss’s wife will be screening applicants). I really wanted to be sympathetic, but I’m having a hard time dredging it up for her. I sit there listening until she asks if there anything is wrong. Really? Anything wrong? I tell her that I’ve been with her for 11 years, we’ve been here for just shy of 6, and while I know everyone is replaceable, I find it odd that I got ‘sick’ again and all the sudden I am fired (she interrupted me to tell me I wasn’t fired), during the holiday months when no one is hiring, and (left unsaid b/c I lacked the stones: out the bonuses on 3 cases that I was the main paralegal on that just settled). Now I have to go on job interviews bandying about my health issues so my potential employers are aware that I might/will probably need to take time off. Makes for a great interview huh? She looks shocked and tells me “all deals are off the table. We ‘under valued’ your health issue.”
Under valued my health issue?? Huh? Seems from Monday to Wednesday they totally forgot about my ‘health issue’. But rest assured that my ‘health issue’ had nothing to do with the firing. Really it is all because of my personality conflict with the wife. Repeat ad nauseum.
She ends the meeting with the pearl that I don’t have to worry about losing my job UNTIL AFTER the biopsy results. So don’t worry, put your personal pictures back up, bring back your lamp, blah blah blah. Seriously? Boss man finally stops hiding in his office and pretends like nothing has happened. My priority workload doubled.
Today boss lady comes in and reiterates that I have nothing to worry about for the time being and to just work as if nothing has been said to me. Forget the last couple of days, they never happened. :dubious: The kicker was 10 mins later when she asked if I could draft a document outlining how I do things, where I put things, how to keep the calendar system, etc. All the duties of the main litigation paralegal. She wants nothing to change with my leaving…but but but, I thought you just said…
Boss’s wife: You fucking pretentious, pea-brained, hag-faced, thievin’ primadona. Christ I wish I could think of more to say about you, but that’s all I’ve got left. Boss man: grow a fucking pair, you fucking tool. Boss lady: I’m more hurt by her than angry at the moment. She was counted as a friend, with whom I have shared holidays, baby births, BBQs. However, I understand her position, or at least want to. But really? a procedure manual? I’ll get right on that.
Yeah, business is business, and they can and will get along fine without me. But that Karma? She’s a bitch.