I can identify with the OP completely, but it’s precisely my job/career that makes me cynical and bitter. I do enjoy it, but I have to deal with so much incompetence and idiocy that I often come very close to saying things that would make many enemies. And even when I subtly try to point things out, nobody seems to care that much. If this were the private sector I could abide it, but it’s taxpayers’ money that pays for these fools to be on their gravy train. The only thing that helps is to remind myself that there are many who actually do earnestly try to do their best, and by and large do. Also, I have to remind myself that any large organization is going to have this problem.
But it’s still difficult, because my job constitutes a lot of my self-esteem. I really admire–but can’t understand–how so many people can just shrug off all the stupidity in their workplace. I suppose it’s as good a reason as any to have children. But a pet? Sorry, that doesn’t do the trick.
Maybe reminders of our inevitable mortality doesn’t sound like the best medicine for someone battling with depression, but for me, it adds perspective and can actually be freeing and even uplifting. Why? Because I think, “Yeah, this shit sucks, but in the end, we’re all going down the same track.” There’s something relaxing about that.
I’m more philosophical about life than I used to be, mostly because I realize that even though my childhood was in many ways extremely dysfunctional, what we think of as “normal” is actual an ideal that is rarely achieved.
MOST people have something pretty crappy in their personal history - some stories I know are worse than my own, others not so bad, but it doesn’t matter because at the end of the day, it’s not a contest of “my mother was more abusive than YOUR mother!” or “my brother’s death when I was 3 affected ME more than your sister’s alcoholism affected YOU.” We all just have to do the best we can with what we’re given. You can take inspiration from people who manage well in the face of pretty long odds; a lot of those people are posting here on the Dope.
As to specific coping mechanisms, that depends on your interests and abilities; I really like Alice the Goon’s suggestions and I also relieve a lot of stress by gardening, exercising, reading, and cooking.
Certain movies help too. I’m afraid “Harold and Maude” is not aging well so if you are too young to appreciate some of the jokes, I don’t know how helpful it could be. But when I’m feeling like giving up, there’s nothing like that movie to make me buck up.
Exactly, cynics (real cynics) can only ever get pleasant surprises as they always expect the worst. The only times I ever get seriously disappointed is when I relax my cynicism and allow my optimism to take over, then life kicks me in the balls.
Just keep going, I know it’s pig latin and not strictly grammatically correct but I always go with “Non illegitimi carborundum”.
If you are ever seriously tempted not to keep going, put yourself on automatic and get to a safe place such as an emergency room. Just do it. I’ve had to. Then I could just let go.
Seriously, there are many, many times every day when the stupidity, fear and selfishness I see rampant in the world make me just want to walk away from the human race. Think of me as George Carlin without the timing. Sooooo … one of the reasons I insisted that we build our final and forever home on 3 acres of flood-prone useless prairie was that, for watever it costs me in the long run, nobody is going to bother me here. At the end of the day I can literally retreat to my woodshop with my dog Daisy (far wiser than any human I know) and live in a world completely of my own making. Within those 400 square feet there are no preening politicians, no professional victims, no media whores, no Illuminati, no neo-con wack jobs, no in-laws, no drunks, no intellectuals, no rednecks and no girls. Just me and Daisy in our world of utter perfection covered in a thin layer of sawdust. Most of the time I don’t even do actual woodworking, but just putter around, straightening and dusting and improving, reveling in the perfection of a well-equipped man-cave. I’d like to think that it’s better than drugs, but that puts me in agreement with the Scientologists, and if I think about that my cynicism starts to act up again.
I stopped being suicidal when I realized that we are living in the most interesting times in all of human history. I did not say the best times, but the most interesting. I do want to see how they play out.
People will look back on this time and wonder how we all survived.
[li]I made a conscious decision not to spend time with people whose company I don’t enjoy. This seems pretty straightforward but I’m constantly surprised at how many people do not share my approach.[/li][/QUOTE]
Exactly. One or two high-quality friends or paring down social events to the ones you want instead of the ones you feel obligated to are worth far more to keeping a positive mood than trying to juggle a full social calendar of casual friends (or family) that are not directly bringing enjoyment.
I know so many people who put tons of effort into broken and dysfunctional friendships, complain about how burdensome it is and how many problems they have with their friends, and then wonder why they aren’t happy.
There are about 5 people on this planet that I don’t expect to let me down and they never have. Other than that I just expect the worst and I’m generally right.
Thanks to all posters. A lot to chew through here, especially at this time - I am in year 1 of a 2-year MA program and the mental processes and focus required are not always at my disposal for school, let alone anything else. But I will try to respond intelligently (ie: not just with bitching and biliousness) when I have some time and energy.
For now, I do agree that cynicism is a defense. I do have to figure out what I need to defend against, and what I needn’t bother.
Bitterness - who said it had to be against individual people? Few people, per se, have been cruel to me. Mostly I am bitter at my own personal mental and emotional disorders, or at that nameless, faceless entity we call Life.
And yes, the orgasms are great, but there’s no one to share them with. I avoid serious social interaction because I can harsh people’s buzz very, very easily.