And the next person who tells me, “Go find someone worse off than you,” is going to get a complimentary Swiss Army tracheotomy.
Look, I’m 39 years old, I’ve got more emotional, psychological, and social problems than you could shake a stick at, I’m a compulsive loner, misanthrope and cynic, I’m blessed with a high level of intelligence, ability and energy but nothing resembling ambition or drive, and whenever I so much as hear the word “confidence”, I want to puke.
Whenever I think about getting my life together and taking it to a place I would feel good about, I have to confront how many times I have started, lost momentum or failed to see the point of fighting like hell to get to point A or B when where I really need to be is E, F or G, and how sick to fuck I am of the whole process.
What’s more, I am getting dangerously fatalistic about it all. I have wasted a lot of years, and show no signs of forgiving myself and going on. At times like this I want nothing more than just to be left the fuck alone and not have to face my self-pity, but something tells me I am going to have to start living a fucking 24/7 nightmare if I want to change it. And given my problems with other people, I am probably going to have to do it alone.
Fuck this shit. I just want to live the life I was meant to live. I deserve better than this.
I’ve got a book suggestion you might like but only if you want to hear about it. I don’t want to get in the way if you’re just having a good rant here.
You may be intelligent, but if you aren’t ambitious…you don’t have energy. They go hand-in-hand. You sound depressed and you may have an overblown sense of entitlement. Go to a doctor or something.
Or don’t.
There’s nothing about you that is very different from the rest of us. We all have varying degrees of ambition, talent, intelligence and self-awareness. It’s part of being human. If you spent less time lamenting it and more time accepting the fact that we can’t all be over-achievers, you might find some peace.
We live in a culture that tells you, from a very early age, that average is always bad. I’m here to tell you that we cannot all be rocket scientists, inventors, or great statesmen. Sometimes you have to look at the big picture and your contribution to it…however small…and appreciate the fact that all contributions matter. Be a good person. Be remembered for who you are…not what you do for a living.
Life sucks and then you die.
Find something concrete that you can do and accomplish. Like taking out the garbage or cleaning the kitchen sink or whatever.
Do it.
Now find something else that is similiar.
Do that as well.
Once you have say 5 things like that done, start researching counselling options.
You don’t feel sorry for yourself so much as frustrated and depressed (to me, anyway). Welcome to the club–from one underachiever to another.
It’s not so bad here: you get to read the paper and bitch alot.
Just accept that you are a slave and will never be free. Just accept that a woman’s place is in the home, just accept it and move on. Continue making your husband, your government, your master happy, and most importantly, do not question them. You can’t be the one to start improving things. After all, questioning the system would cause turmoil, and that would upset the peace you’re after.
You are obviously clueless as to the point I’m making here. Are you of the opinion that everyone can be whatever they want to be? Well it ain’t so. The paragraph you quoted has nothing to do with human rights or equality. It has to do with what a person is personally, physically capable of doing.
Now get back to your laboratory and finish up with that world peace lasar gun you were working on.
And you’re certainly getting closer to self-acceptance in your self-Pitting.
So you’ve written a public rant on the SDMB–a place where, as you know, almost every OP gets at least some attention and active response–in an attempt to be left alone in your self-pity?
Doesn’t the irony of this situation make you laugh? Even a little?
And, once you laugh, don’t you feel a bit better? At all? Doesn’t the absurdity of your life–of everyone’s life, really–give you a clearer perspective on your existence? I’ve had the “Oh, woe is me! My life is a waste, a dead loss, a complete failure!” blues, too (just finished with a small bout if them last night, actually.) I’ve always found that a sense of the ridiculous helps me immensely.
Other way round mate, you wont leave the self-pity alone. Sounds like you regularly stir it from its slumbers and take it for a nice long walk. If you just leave it sleeping and get on with doing other things life will be easier. If it gives the odd yap for attention ignore it and continue doing other things. Bit if you don’t actively engage it it will virtually cease to exist.
Much to chew over here. Some understanding. Some people I am sterilizing the Swiss Army knife for.
I am in counseling. For about 11 years now. Much progress has been made – meaning I get along ok day-to-day as long as I don’t confront any major issues in my life. My response to challenge is “Oh Christ. Why me?” When my baggage gets too heavy, I pack it so full I can’t even move it, and then I don’t have to drag it at all. After awhile the feeling lifts and I can resume being an actor and a doer until I see just how far I have to go. Then wham comes the self-pity again.
That’s what people don’t understand. Getting on with life brings on the self-pity in me. I never do it for long.
The irony of other people’s lives makes me laugh sometimes, puke sometimes. The irony of my own life I don’t begin to appreciate.
Please. You have no idea how literally I believe that.
Ah. A struggling actor. That explains a lot. Okay…is it the lack of work or the lack of talent that’s bothering you? Do you feel at home on the stage or are you trying to find a creative outlet of some sort and are currently exploring this one?
I used to be a struggling artist myself. I enjoy creating art, but realized I’m not good enough to support myself doing it. My plan is to devote more time to in in my retirement years. I’m an artist and a realist. Otherwise I’d make myself nuts!
Sometimes I find just losing myself in something helps. I listen to music, play my guitar, play some games online, read the SDMB, and another day is over.
Give yourself something to look forward to. Something that makes getting through the day worthwhile and onto the next day.
In the end, fuck them all, it is your life, you live it as best you can.
If someone wants you to do something are they going to take the responsilbility when it doesn’t work?
Did someone at some point tell you that life was supposed to be fair? This is your life, and it is exactly what you make of it. To trot out the clichés, life is 10% what happens to you and 90% what you tell yourself about what happens to you. Now, I have to go to school and learn a new trade so that I can improve my life, but I’ll be back later to kick your ass some more.
Ta for now.
