Life spiralling out of control

Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share
1

Preface: I’m sure this isn’t the right place for this, but I remember this as a mature/helpful community so I hope someone can point me in the right direction instead of giving me grief.

As the title says, everything in my life is turning to crap around me and I’m feeling desperate for something to give me some hope that it will turn around. I’m still a young guy (21) but I’ve made such a horrible mess of everything that I won’t be able to dig myself out again. Right at this moment I’m panicking and I don’t know what else to do but try this.

I don’t expect direct help (although it’d be great), but are there any chat rooms/forums/whatever that I might be able to talk to someone? I live in Australia and its 2:30am so I don’t think any telephone help lines or whatever are working at the moment.

Thanks, sorry for lowering the mood

2

The folks right here can be quite understanding and nonjudgmental.

Tell us about yourself; we’re here to help.

3

Maybe let us folk be the judge of how messed up you are. You might just feel better after the first telling, and discover That you’re not that much of a mess after all.

Besides, if its one thing we’re good at, it’s having an opinion on other people’s messed uppedness. :slight_smile:

4

I’m in Australia too and my life is just as out of control. We can both get through it.

Life Line 13 11 14

5

{{pulls up a chair}}. What’s been going on? You are so young right now, and there is always time to turn things around. I know that my daughter is your age and is trying to put the pieces of her life back together after messing up one thing after another. When she focuses on what other people her age have been able to accomplish so far it upsets her, but I remind her that life isn’t a race.

Will it help if you stop looking at the big picture and upsetting yourself, but instead focus on what you can do today, right now to pull yourself out of the pile o’ crap you’re in?

Good luck to you. This is a great place to vent.

6

Yes indeedy. Tell us what’s wrong and we’ll do our best to help.

7

You asked for it… I’ll do my best to be objective

Problems:

Dropped out of high school several years ago, did course at TAFE (I think the American equivalent is community college) but got little worthwhile out of it, currently not actively studying

No stable income, the “job” I do have is playing poker online which has provided some income but isn’t a satisfactory way to make a living. Not qualified to do anything more advanced than flipping burgers (and I’m not sure I could do that much)

Very limited social life, I do have a good hobby that I used to enjoy and did regularly twice a week but my motivation has dropped away badly and I rarely show up these days

Very low energy and motivation levels, I have trouble getting out of bed in the morning and more days than not I do nothing productive whatsoever

Ludicrous sleep cycles that lead to me being awake at bizarre hours if I don’t try to control them, and if I do I have even less energy

Very overweight, not doing anything useful about it

A growing trend of decieving/lying to family and friends to cover up how bad my problems are and how bad I feel

Good things:

(biggest one) Family that is far more loving and supportive than I have any right to expect, and a few good friends who keep track of me and do their best to help me out

Somewhat intelligent, at least in an IQ test sort of way. Can string sentences together and have some aptitude for maths. Don’t judge my English skills too harshly by this post, I’m just typing things out as they come to mind without proofreading

Stubborn enough to really want to do something about my predicament, although it’s hard to translate the desire to help myself to actually taking steps to fix things because it often seems an enormous and hopeless task,

Not much else I can think of…

Things I have done about it:

Went to doctor, who prescribed me an antidepressant (Zoloft). Took it most days for about a month, felt no different so I stopped taking it (stupid, I know) and didn’t go back for months

Went to doctor again, who referred me to a counsellor.

Reasons for current distress:

Tried to cash out some poker winnings to an online banking service, got an error message. Tried to log on to this bank and got a message saying that my funds have been frozen and I need to email them all sorts of ID to get it sorted out, some of which I don’t have (drivers license? I don’t drive. Utility bill with my name? I don’t pay the bills, at least not directly)

Appointment with counsellor is tomorrow and I can’t sleep, and I’m afraid I’ll miss it.
Right, that’s all I can think of. Any sort of response would be appreciated.

8

It sounds to me like you’re depressed. (Duh) Antidepressants can take up to 6 weeks to work and you need to take them every day. I wouldn’t abandon the thought of them yet. They’ve helped many people I love.

You need to get yourself out of bed (and back into it at reasonable hours!) Force yourself to get up and take a shower every morning. It’s a little thing but you’ll feel better. Go for a walk right after your shower. Exercise helps with depression and will help take off the weight.

Be sure to be completely open with your counselor - s/he can’t help you if you’re not honest with her/him. Let us know how it goes and hang in there.

9

Your predicament actually doesn’t sound that much different than a lot of people your age.

At 21, I was just finishing community college (in Canada). This was 1983 and Canada was at the tail end of a recession. I could not find employment anywhere. I was a college graduate living in my parents’ basement and collecting a meager unemployment insurance cheque. I did this for an entire year, only had one interview and felt totally useless as a human being. My social life consisted of spending my cheque at the bar on Friday and Saturday nights with some “friends.”

Things eventually came around for me, but it was a tough time. Tough times happen to a lot of people from all walks of life, and in fact last year I was out of work for most of the year due to the economic situation. I’m back on my feet again, but life sure can be a roller coaster. Don’t look at your current situation as permanent; it’s just a speed bump on the highway of life.

On-line poker’s gotta stop: now. You’ll never come out ahead in the long run. Drag yourself into the counselor and lay it all on the line. You’ve got to start somewhere in your career. If flipping burgers gets you out of the house and interacting with people then so be it. If you’re intelligent and industrious you’ll find a way to keep climbing up the ladder. The alternatives to working for a living are not very pleasant and the sooner you start clawing your way up the better.

Good luck and keep us posted.

10

Not the best person to be giving advice, but here’s my two cent worth. Depression’s a cycle, a circle of thoughts and actions. You have to break it somewhere, but you need the enegry to do so. It’s not hopeless, as many on the Dope could assure you.

First off it’s to deal with the gloom. Do not try to “think through” why you are depressed, or what you need to have before the gloom will lift. It’s a trick of the mind, this despair. Just take the mediciation and take care of yourself. Diet, health, entertainment and if this means ending negative relationships, be prepare to take the step. Especially watch your diet - coffee, soft drinks heavy on caffine and snacks could mess with your brain chemistry.

Second is to understand as much as possible of your condition. Know your enemy, know yourself. Know that there’s nothing inherently wrong with you. Know that you are feeling lifeless because of some medical condition, which sometimes I term as “flu of the mind”. Know that this is going to take time and require you to sometimes dip even lower before you can recover. Understand what you can do to make it better. Learn meditation, eat correctly, follow your doctor’s advice.

Third, start building confidence. It may be flipping burgers, but just go and do it and eventually you know that you can hold down a job. Then maybe you can look at studies, and moving on to better jobs. Start execrising, if you could. Walk if you can, though I personally recommend swimming. It’s low impact, make you tired and builds stamina.

This is not going to be a walk in the park, but neither is it impossible.

11

There’s an often-recommended workbook for depression; any of the online booksellers should have it available. It focuses on deconstructing various thought processes/cycles that you get stuck in and can’t break out of.

Just wanted to add that a supportive family and stubbornness are excellent things to have on your side. I’ve fought depression on and off myself, and can only echo what others have said - antidepressants take a while to work and it can take a few tries to find a good one for you, get yourself to do a couple of simple things per day that you can put on your mental “I did that” checklist.

12

I’m guessing the Online Poker is the major reason for your predicament.
Stop the online poker and don’t use that as income or an escape.

Might sound harsh, but I think you once thought you could do amazing at online poker so you dropped out of high school.
You are intelligent but not wise and that’s why you thought you could win at poker.
Crazy sleep hours due to poker playing hours (some say the wee hours is the best time to win)
Overweight and less active because you are trying to win at poker

You are depressed because lost what money you had and are deep in the hole.

I’m also guessing no one really knows how much you play online poker.

Cut out online poker and start your path to recovery.

I know someone who went through this. Online poker is addictive and ruins lives.

13

I have to agree about the poker. If necessary block the web site. If that isn’t enough, have someone else make the password and not tell you.

You are at a major advantage having a supportive family. It might be time to tell them everything that is going on though.

Remember this bit of wisdom, “It could be worse, you could be on fire!”

14

Did your doctor give you a blood test? Please ask him to if he did not. When I had physical symptoms a lot like yours (sleeping a lot, depressed, low energy), it turned out not to be depression but hypothyroidism. (I wasn’t overweight but that’s also a symptom.) Rule out other physical causes first before you go on antidepressants again.

If it is depression (which can sometimes be situational-induced but affect the body’s chemical balances anyway; the way the body and mind work together is pretty strange): a lot of folks on here have had good experiences with cognitive behavioral therapy, as has a close friend of mine. If you do a search on this forum you’ll find a lot of people talking about it, and I’m sure many of them would be happy to talk to you about it.

ETA: CBT was useful (for my friend) after a brief period on a low dose of antidepressants to get her body chemicals back in gear. The antidepressants fixed the immediate chemical imbalance, and the CBT was useful for long-term maintenance. Just didn’t want to leave the impression that I thought CBT will always work in a vacuum.

15

I have battled depression for years and years and am finally getting somewhat of a handle on things. Naturally, every case is very personal and different and I can only tell you what worked for me.

First of all, for some reason doctors seem to use zoloft as their go to. My experience is that it is crap. What finally worked for me was Welbutrin. Also keep in mind what others have said in that these take a while to build up and reach theraputic levels. You also mentioned that you took the zoloft “most days”. This is a no-no. You have to take them every day.

I found that if I forced myself to get out of bed in the morning, then made my bed and immediately went for a short walk that that helped a lot. In fact I found a lot of value in taking some general control over my physical environment (a la tidying up a bit). I won’t kid you, though, at first it will be really tough and about all that you can do. The thing is, though, that success seems to reinforce itself and before long I found that it was easier. Then one day I was able to do those things without thinking about them.

I am not sure what your diet is like but I am guessing not very good. As with all things, start small. Try replacing one meal a day with something healthy and walking once around the block every day. Build slowly from there. You have time. Don’t focus on results, rather simply focus on the acts themselves for their own merit. The results will take care of themselves.

They best that I can tell you is that you are very, very young and have a whole lot of time to figure things out and get things right. You will also be amazed at what you can dig your way out of. Someone upthread suggested that you get some sort of a job (no matter what it is). I could not agree more. I am guessing that having the certainty of some sort of predictable income will do wonders for you. Set that poker crap aside.

Good luck! Keep checking in as I am sure that a lot of folks here would like to know how you are doing and are rooting for you.

16

I agree with everything everyone else said here. (Especially quit the poker and get a steady job.)

I would also add that you put some structure in your life. Surly Chick said to force yourself to get up and shower every morning. That’s great advice, and I would take it even further. Form some life habits that you can do every day. Exercise, bedtime, grooming, looking for work, whatever.

Also, instead of focusing on what’s going wrong in your life, focus on what’s going right. That might not be easy right now, but keep at it. Sometimes it’s the things that are too obvious that you’ll overlook. Your family loves you. You’re not dead or in prison. You’re not starving. You have a roof over your head.

Try doing a gratitude exercise. “I’m thankful for my health. I’m thankful for my parents. I’m thankful I live in a nice town.” Don’t just think these things, manifest them physically by either saying them out loud or writing them down. Do that for 15 minutes every morning and every night before you go to bed. (Yeah, it sounds kind of hippie/new agey. I’ve tried it and it didn’t do much for me. But I have a friend who swears by it, that it changed his life. Hey, it’s free and can’t hurt to try.)

For a week or two, before you do anything, ask yourself if what it is is going to raise or lower your self-esteem. For instance, before you get online to play poker, ask if you’re going to feel better about yourself once you’ve done it. If not, well, don’t do it. (Advice that I should take myself, especially in regards to food!)

17

That’s freakin’ huge. Very very important.

18

When things seem overwhelming, don’t look at the big picture. Instead focus on things you can tackle bit by bit. Some ideas:

You don’t have a driver’s license? Sign up for driver’s ed classes (if they’re required Down Under) and/or ask for your parent or friend to help you. Unless you live in an area with mass transportation, it’s essential that you can transport yourself. Even if you can’t buy a car right now, do something that will help you hurdle the roadblocks that stand in your way.

Take a walk around the block. Even if that’s all you can do right now, do it. If you have a dog, take him with you. Dogs love walks and their happiness in simple pleasures is contagious. If you have neighbors, offer to walk their dogs while they’re out. Do something to get your body out of the four walls. Sunshine and exercise are great for improving your mood and disposition. Seriously, if I don’t get out into the sunshine for a half hour or so a day, I feel listless and depressed.

If the only thing you truly feel qualified to do right now is to flip burgers, then by God, go and flip burgers. There is absolutely no shame in having a job. Being able to support yourself financially is absolutely essential to your self-esteem. But that doesn’t mean that you have to start out at the top. Even if you only can give your parents $25 a week towards your support, give it to them and be proud of it because you’re moving in the right direction.

Volunteer somewhere. It’ll get you out of the house, it’ll help you network with other people, and most importantly, it will show you that other people have it worse than you. Besides, even though you’re depressed right now, you have many, many things going for you such as a supportive family, good physical health even if you need to shed some pounds, and a working brain. That is far more than some people have, so share your talents with the world.

Finally, know that if you will stick with your counselor, you WILL get better. It wasn’t you that went off your medicine, it was your disease. So have blind faith in modern medicine for the time being because once your chemistry is re-set, you’ll look back and wonder why you waited so long to accept help.

Good luck to you!

19

Oh man, for sure. That is my big gun for when I am really in a hole. Usually by the time I finish I conclude that I am in the top 5% of all people who are or ever have been alive in terms of the sheer abundance and goodness I enjoy.

20

Just wanted to +1 this. I have a friend who used to take extra part-time retail jobs, basically just to give herself something to do. As she put it, each shift was 4-8+ hours that she wasn’t running around town and spending money, or sitting at home in front of the TV. And it seemed to work for her, when she was working retail she always had stories about the store and her coworkers, it took her mind off all the other stuff in her life that she wasn’t happy about or wasn’t ready to tackle at that moment. Plus it put some cash in her pocket.