I'm depressed tonight, so I pit myself

Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share
1

Probably a lame rant, but I need to vent somewhere anyways. Feel free to take potshots if you want.

I feel so insignificant sometimes. Like I have no purpose. Mostly I suck at any kind of relationship and feel so alone. When my friends get together and talk about their many relationships, I feel so insignificant. Sometimes I feel I have wasted my chance at education on music. I also feel like people take advanatge of my friendly nature. Somedays I care so much for my profession, but I feel like no one else feels the same. It’s more an excuse to drink or show off. I am surrounded by friends who couldn’t give a rats ass about how depressed I feel sometimes. It’s not like I don’t make it obvious at social occasions. I feel my family is so disconnected from myself, and I feel they do not understand me at all. Yet when they pass on I feel I will have no close relationships left.

I work hard, and yet I feel no payoff, and no intrinsic reward. Life seems dull and bland, and my biggest fear is that I have become a boring person. Many a day is wasted alone in my apartment reading, I’m young I should be enjoying this part of my life.

I feel like going into therapy sometimes, but maybe I’m overreacting. Moving away may help. I always feel like this at some point, and I want it to END but I do not know how. Everyone I know seems smarter than me and more emotionally together. I envy them. I’m so weak and pathetic.

If you’ve read this far, I’m impressed, no one else I know would care. Sorry to dump my baggage here.

I just feel like shit tonight

2

Try not to judge your friends too harshly. They probably are trying to cheer you up, but when it doesn’t work, they run out of ideas, get mildly frustrated, and then move on. I’ve been on both the dishing and receiving end of this. Sucks for both.

I know this is cliche, but try a new hobby. Having something to look forward too, a new challenge, a reason to get out, interact with other people. Could be really good.

Best wishes

3

You mention friends, a social life, family, and a job. Good things. SOme people don’t have that.
The best idea I have heard was from Miss Manners, who wrote that getting out and helping those less fortunate than you (and there are many) will help wonders.

4

{{{{{{{{{{Hugs, Quasimodal}}}}}}}}}}}}}

You know we care.

I’ve been going through some of the same angst as you. Often, I think it’s better for me to be alone rather than be a bother to others. I stay home a lot, which isn’t too bad but I do feel as if I should be more social (and less boring) too. But it’s awkward, you know? I’ve been burned too by people who just seemed to take advantage of my tendancy to be nice. It’s hard to want to trust the ones who genuinely want to be my friends, even though I’ve known plenty in the last several years.

I just would like to encourage you to consider seeing a counselor or other mental health professional. You aren’t overreacting. That’s the depression telling you you aren’t worth it. Believe me, you are!

Until the last year, I saw mine regularly. She helped me deal with years of serious depression and because of her, I am much better for it. I need to get back at it to help with these lingering doubts but I’m confident that the worst of my depression is behind me. It was tough going at times but I can see the light at the end of the tunnel. I believe that with a good counselor, you will too.

I don’t want to hijack your thread but I don’t want to give you advice without you knowing I’ve been there too.

I’d like to add that it sounds like you need another set of friends. To find them, you might try volunteering in a field that appeals to you, take a class at you local community center or, since it sounds as if you’re musically inclined, teach a kid or two your craft. Try looking in the Community and General threads at Craigslist to see if there’s something in your area that might interest you.

I have volunteered for several organizations, to varying degrees of personal success. Sometimes my depression and anxiety got too strong for me to continue but the thing that worked the best was crocheting hats for chemo patients with a group of wonderful ladies at the community center. They were so open-hearted that I really felt at home with them. If I hadn’t moved a year ago, I’d still be helping them out.

So, try to find something like that. Something you feel comfortable with and with people who make you feel comfortable too. Friendships may follow.

As far as work goes, I don’t know what you do but maybe you could look into a career change. I know it may seem like a big step but your counselor can help you take it. We spend so much of our lives at work. We shouldn’t feel empty doing it.

I will be watching for your next post. Please know I am concerned for you and wish you the best. May each day be another step toward the happiness you deserve.

5

You’re already depressed and down, Quasimodal, but the Pit could just compound the fracture, so to speak. Somewhat facetious forum name aside, MPSIMS is a better fit for your thread.

I’ll move it over for you.

Veb

6

Thanks, Veb. I was hoping one of you nice mods would do that.

7

Quasimodal, I am not a physician, but when I was in my early twenties, I began to feel some of the things that you have described feeling. I also thought of myself as weak and emotionally substandard. I seemed to be doing everything wrong and my life seemed pointless and confused.

A doctor told me that I had depression. I didn’t understand. I thought that it was my fault that I was depressed. Hell, it didn’t take a doctor to tell me that I was depressed.

But clinical depression is about a lot more than just feeling down. It is an actual illness with physical changes in your brain that affect how you feel and how you think and perceive information. Your own judgment about your situation when you have clinical depression is impaired and it is not your fault.

Only a doctor can tell if you have depression. Even when I have an extra hard time with it now, I don’t always recognize it as “depression” because my judgment is impaired. I just think everything is going wrong and it’s somehow all my fault. But I’m very lucky because most of the time my particular kind of depression is controlled with medication.

There are things that are available to help most people who have depression. One of them is counselling. Another is medication. Sometimes a combination of the two works well. But there is no need to continue to be miserable like you are without finding out if you can be relieved.

Counseling can be reassuring from the beginning or it may take trying more than one or two counselors before you find the one who is right for you. Medicine can take two to six weeks before it begins to work. Sometimes you have to try more than one kind or adjust the dosage. But modern medicines work so much better than what was available when I was young. They have saved my life.

There are many other Dopers who have walked the same path you are walking now. We understand. Believe me. And we have gone on to live fulfilled lives. We are strong. You just don’t know how strong you can be.

There are some things that you can do for yourself. I know that there is an inclination to shut yourself off. I still do that. Try to get outside for some time every day. Go for a walk. Get some exercise. A brisk walk usually helps a little.

But the most important thing is seeing your physician and/or a good counselor. I hope you won’t put it off. You might also consider googling “clinical depression symptoms” for more information on this illness that is so often misunderstood.

And please don’t pit yourself when you’re down. That is the time when you most need to ease up on yourself.

Peace be with you.

8

I often feel the same way. In the past few weeks, I have employed a strategy that seems to work; I picked up the local “What’s going on” paper and started doing something every night, instead of going home and drinking and playing party poker. I force myself into new situations and make myself talk to strangers. Sometimes (most of the time, actually) nothing comes of it. The upside is that by forcing myself into strange environments strengthens my social skills and every once in a while, you meet an interesting person or hear a musician that you would have never heard, or even have a beer you would have never tried. It’s hard work, and sometimes it’s uncomfortable but in the end, it’s worth it. Just last night, I went to a play with a very nice woman I met at an acoustic open night, first real date in a couple of years. :slight_smile:

If you always do what you always did, you’ll always get what you always got.

9

I would guess you have depression as Zoe said. People don’t understand that these bad feelings and bad thoughts are not necessarily due to a logical, unemotional assessment of life. If you are depressed you’ll always find a reason to feel bad no matter how your life is going. As someone who suffers from depression off & on I know for a fact that the exact same problems can seem mostly irrelevant or insurmountable depending on my mood. I can relate to some of what you’ve said, but after I started taking care of my depression those thoughts lifted.

FTR, thinking your life should be something it is not is a major cause of emotional distress and depression. No one leads a life of excitement and peace. Even the people with so called enviable lives have alot of troubles you aren’t aware of. You could be in a negative cycle of feelign depressed which causes you to feel inferior which causes you to feel depressed which causes you to feel inferior.

Here is a good book on the subject written by a guy who invented his own CB therapy to overcome his depression.

http://www.healthyplace.com/communities/depression/good_mood/table_of_contents.html

And you really shouldn’t pit yourself for feeling bad.

I relied on nutrional supplements and cognitive behavioral tools to overcome my depression and they work pretty well. My depression came back a bit in fall but that was due to life events (being homeless, grandma dying, brother moving away, feeling like a failure in the lab, etc). That lifted around christmas thank god.

10

I second (third?) looking into Cognitive Behavioural Therapy (CBT) for depression and/or anxiety. You didn’t mention any anxiety, but they very often go hand-in-hand. I believe a lot of how you are feeling is based on how you are thinking. CBT helps you find out the weak spots in your thought processes and teaches you how to think better. Surprisingly enough, thinking healthier is a learned skill that we can all work on.

I think my best advice for you is that you are perfectly normal, what you’re feeling is perfectly normal and has been felt by billions of other people, and you won’t always feel this way. One of the quickest ways to start feeling better is to start a gratitude journal, and start looking for the good stuff in your life, instead of focusing on the bad. Every day, write down five things that you are grateful for - it can be big, like living in a free country, or small, like having a really tasty breakfast.

Feel free to email me, if you like. My email is featherlou@yahoo.com.

11

Everone has made some very good, thoughtful points here and in a clearer way than me. I’d like to second them, particularly that you may have to see a few different counselors before finding the right one and the length of time it takes for a medication to start. Thanks for the CBT advice. I’m going to check it out myself.

Quasimodal, how are you doing today? Please drop us a few lines to let us know. Hugs!

12

I’ve read about this tactic working to improve mood and ease depression. Another way that works is just positive affirmations. Just say for 10 minutes a day ‘I am very content with my life’ or some variation of that. Just telling yourself you are happy and content will make you somewhat more so. They’re both pretty effective.

http://www.acfnewsource.org/religion/gratitude_theory.html

13

I’ve got nothing to add, except that I might be in a state of pre-depression, and that this thread has helped me as well. So thanks, Quasimodal for starting it, and I do hope you’ll feel better soon.

Like Wesly said, how I feel, physically, make me view the exact same problems as mostly irrelevant or insurmountable. Similarly, how I feel colors my own assesment of my life (“bleak” or “much to be thankful for”).

Weirdly, my problems are somehow complementary to you, and that tells me again that it is how you feel, not your “objective problems” that matter.
I have an wonderful SO, and a nice apartment. But I’ve never had that much friends to start out with, and I recently lost some of the few I had, by becoming disappointed in them. With regards to work, I feel I can’t bring myself to work as hard as I should, and I wish I could be more efficient at work.

14

FWIW, I’ve asked my family physisian (sp?) to refer me to a psycotherapist. Before asking for a referral, I phoned about four therapists from the yellow pages and had a short (three minutes) conversation with them, asking them if they were experienced with my kind of problems and what their ideas on threatment were. Three of them gave me an instant: “nice person, but we won’t get along”-vibe, but the fourth seemed okay, so I asked my ifamily physisian if I could make an appointment with that therapist. I’ ve seen the man three times now, and I’ve got good hopes that he’ll help me to work through some things and keep me on track, so I won’t have to be more depressed then I need to be. (I’ve got a lot of stress from recent life changes to work through).

A good therapist makes you feel like you’ve gotten a bucket full of positive energy from the session.

15

Positive affirmations are great, especially when you use them to improve your self-esteem (things like “I love myself” and “I can handle this”), but you do need to be careful that you make them believable at first. Saying something like “I have no problems. Everything is wonderful in my life.” isn’t going to work, because you won’t believe it. You need to start small and believable; “I don’t feel great right now, but I’m working on it, and I will feel good again.” A good therapist can certainly guide you through the process of learning to be kinder and gentler on yourself.

(Stupid Stuart Smalley and his making positive affirmations so distasteful. They really are effective and useful.)

16

Quasimodal (I like your username, by the way)? You still there?

17

I’m wondering the same thing. Just drop in and say hi or something, Quas.

18

I can relate to a lot of the things the OP discusses. Sometimes I feel like I should be doing something… else, something more worthwhile, something to talk about in social situations, to make myself seem more interesting. I have a shit job. When I start to talk abut my job, no-one listens, because no-one cares. Fuck, I dont even care. My hobbies are fairly solo, non-team based. I dont really like sports. Sometimes I wonder would I be missed if I just didnt show up one day.

So, I’m responding to the “Many a day is spent wasted reading in my apartment” part of your post. If you get some enjoyment out of it, then its not wasted. Dont feel like you have to be out socialising all the time just to be “normal”. If you like literature, then the thing to do is join a book club… plenty of like-minded individuals for you to meet, all with common interests. And you can always take up a music class… fuck, man, do it tomorrow! Go buy a guitar, and enrol in a class, starting next week (Just an example, maybe you wanted to studt classical music for all I know!).

You will never break your depression, until you start living YOUR way. Do whatever makes you feel happy. Dont change your personality just so you have something interesting to talk about in the pub. Take it from me, start kicking ass now, and you’ll never look back.

19

And make sure you do something. Depression is a condition of low energy; if you only do things you feel like doing, you’ll end up doing nothing, and feeling worse about yourself. Force yourself to exercise; force yourself to get out of bed; force yourself to get out of the house; after a while, you’ll be feeling so much better that it won’t be forced any more.

You know, your life really is what you make it. Those people around you who seem so much happier than you - chances are, they feel as lousy as you sometimes, and the truly happy ones aren’t the ones with the perfect lives, but the ones who have decided to be happy. It really is that simple.

20

FTR, I’m currently suffering from mild/moderate depression that started last week. Right now I am bothered by alot of issues that did not bother me much when I wasn’t depressed. Issues that I felt were minor or irrelevant, that could help me become stronger or smarter and that I could beat with effort now seem incontrovertible proof that I am a failure at life. It actually feels normal to refer to myself as a failure (I’m trying not to do it though), which sucks.

The point is that this is not due to a logical, rational introspection. Self assessment is due in large part to what you want to see, if you’re depressed you’ll want to see bad things. There is always a reason to be depressed if you look hard enough. Same with happiness.

In a week or so after I get the depression to lift using herbs & CBT I’m sure these feelings won’t be here anymore. But I wanted to point out that in my own experience depression & mood have a major impact on self assessment.