For whatever reason, the past two weeks have been one night after another feeling pretty, well, worthless. Lack of job, lack of prospects, lack of any sort of romantic life… And suddenly I’m beginning to feel (right or wrong) that everyone is better off than me, and people don’t so much like me as ‘put up with’ me… I dunno. Yes, I’m depressive. Yes, I take meds for it. Yes, I’ll talk to my doctor. But in the meantime, does anyone have good advice for what to do when you just feel like… Nothing?
Not to witness, but I do a fair amount of praying.
For a more secular route, seek out a comedy movie and/or book. Vent in a journal. I frequently find a friend who I think “puts up with me” the best and explain how I feel. She’s been very supportive of me and lets me know that I’m not just “to be put up with.” Find some hobbies that might be new to you. Perfect something you’ve been working on.
YMMV, of course, and I hope I am helping and not hindering at all. I wish you the best of luck, ArrMatey!. If it makes you feel any better, I’ve always thought of you as a bright spot on the SDMB. ::sending hugs your way::
I take stock of myself starting with my health. Since You were able to type us your feelings you probably have 2 good arms and most of your fingers. There are a lot of crippled people who watch the Sound of Music and dream of dancing lightly in a field.
Get up early, make yourself a nice breakfast and sieze the day. Jobs will come to you eventually as well as romance. If you don’t feel good about yourself then nobody else will. If you have time on your hands then get out there and exercise your body and then exercise your mind.
Think back to a time when you had that inner spark. You still got it, and it’s still there. That little piece of curiosity and joy that makes you want to learn and grow. Meds are great (and necessary) but life has to be experienced. The nice thing is that what really counts (friends, health) can’t be bought but they can be nourished.
I’m going through similar feelings. Can’t find a job, not confident in my abilities, don’t feel like I deserve the praise people give me, don’t feel like I belong anywhere. I feel kinda hopeless and afraid, despite the fact that I keep praying for strength.
I think it would be worse if I didn’t have my keyboard. I really do get some enjoyment out of that. Being able to play a song lifts my self-esteem. And I’m not even that good! (I must stop doing that, I know.)
I wish I had advice to give you. Maybe it will help to know that you’re not the only one who feels bad. I know someone who has really bad self-esteem but she–at least to me–has everything going for her. And she says the same thing about me! Chances are you’re much better than you give yourself credit for. You just have to find a way to believe it.
Going through the same thing. Unemployed for a year and a half. Got divorced during that time. Gained 20 lbs.
I do have a wonderful women but, the stress, I think, is starting to take it’s toll.
On the ligher side. Excuse me but, a little respect here. I’m a MUCH bigger loser than anyone of you. How can you POSSIBLY put youself in my company. When it comes to losers - I’M IT BABY!!!
It’s all just a state of mind. The more we dwell on what we don’t have the more it consumes us. It’s quite funny really that whoever we are, whatever our life is like, most of us assume that other people’s lives are always much more interesting and happier than our own.
Just remember if you have your health you have it made, the world is yours so get out there and enjoy.
Now if were having a loser’s competition Omnipresent, nobody could come close to me so don’t even try, but hey I’m happy, like I said it’s all just a state of mind.
yep, I know all about how that thinking starts and where it leads. It’s hard to get out of the habit of negativity - it takes a lot of work and there are no magic cure alls. However, it is important to recognise it is only a habit, and most habits can be broken.
I’m working on this at the moment. When there seems to be little if any hope at all that your situation will change, make a five year plan. I know that’s hard to do when maybe you can’t see through to the middle of next week, but the idea runs like this: write down everything you want out of life, no matter how wild and way out some of those ideas might be. You might not do them all (space flight to Pluto, for example) but then again, there will be some things that you could take steps to work towards. Pick some things from the list and start to look into them; it could be that you wanted to learn to play a musical instrument, but have no idea how to read music. You could start to learn how do it - even if you only spend some time on the web researching “how to” sites.
There’s doubtless going to be a part of you that says: “what’s the point? why bother? what if…” and I think that those thoughts pop into your head because it’s a control issue: self-doubt can kick your arse, but, to have hope restored, is a whole different ball game. You work on your confidence and self-esteem and those doubts and negative thoughts will fade into the background. They don’t want to fade, they want centre stage. They want to sap you of all the positive things you like about yourself; they want you to sabotage yourself. Nice little chaps, aren’t they? heh. Don’t let them have control: if you do nothing, nothing will change - there’s no chance of it changing and that’s only going to make you feel worse.
When you’ve had hope knocked out of you, it’s hard to ever think anything will be as you want it to be. It’s hard to believe in anything again, including yourself. But, like I said, if you do nothing, nothing changes.
I’m going through a similar situation myself. I moved here nearly two years ago, and I still haven’t managed to make any long-lasting friendships. I’ll be friendly with people for a few months until they stop calling, or become “too busy” to do anything with me. It’s a shitty, shitty feeling. I won’t go into it anymore, because I could keep going and going and going.
Anyway, what I do is try to keep busy. I putz around online, I clean the aprtment, I took up collecting a few things, I got some coloring books, took up crochet, all kinds of things to keep my mind off it. I never liked shopping before I moved here, but now it’s a good time killer.
And I’m sorry to hear you’re going through this, too. I wouldn’t wish these feelings on my worst enemy.
I guess the best advice I can give you is to finish something. Set a goal and see it through, even if it’s just something like “I will clean my house today,” or “I will get to the point where I can jog five miles without falling over dead.” When you haven’t got a job or anything to fill your time, it can sort of feel like you’re not accomplishing anything; but if you can get something done, you get that feeling back. I don’t know. It’s something that works for me, anyway.
And just remember that none of us here are replying to this thread just to humor you. We’re doing it because we care and we want you to feel better. We like you! We really, really like you!
Although positive thinking definetely has its place, I think you can’t underestimate a good wallow. Sometimes you can get so tired of trying to fool others and most of all yourself that you’re not miserable when you are. What I sometimes have to do is lie on the bed and admit that at this stage I’m miserable. It can be a huge relief. Then I put on the most miserable music I can find and have a good cry. When I throw myself into it like that, I find I can’t keep it up terribly long before I get bored of feeling sorry for myself so that I feel a little better.
The other thing that I do is realise that a huge amount of people who I really admire get the same feelings. The are great and live very interesting lives IMO but they still feel like that too. So I’m not saying depression is cool, just that is very much possible to be a cool person and suffer from it all the same.
A little better, thanks for asking. I invited my folks to come visit specifically for the fact that it means I have to clean up the appartment. Visit is in two hours, and I’m mostly done. I know it won’t be up to their standards (it never is), but I’ll keep trying.
I got a short (very) term job, which is better than nothing. Still, though, I keep feeling as if I’m not doing anything. I certainly appreciate all the advice, though. The five year plan… I may give that a shot. I’m a horrid procrastinator, but I’m willing to try new things.
Oh, and good lord, if I could motivate myself to walk, I’d be doing it every day.
Why the question about the hemisphere, btw?
Oh, and hugs to the rest of you who share my unfortunate outlook.
You don’t need a lot of motivation do go for a walk, honestly; just put on a pair of sneakers and a jacket. Don’t worry about keeping a brisk pace, swinging your arm vigorously, stretching, just get out the door. Really.
(The above is NOT the same as ‘just cheer up’. It’s meant more as, when you don’t feel like doing anything, do SOMETHING just so you not sitting around feeling like you CAN’T do anything.)
In the northern hemisphere, the days are getting longer, so there is more sun-light, cultural associations with Spring are positive and optimistic; it’s not a typical time for a depressive episode. Episodes are often brought on by decreasing day-length, or significantly less day-light (not necessarily the same thing, that month of cloudy rainy weather in early Spring often sets me off).
Another bit of advice: DO NOT WATCH TV!
Television is very, very bad for depressives. It’s passive, it’s inane, it’s full of better looking people with better jobs and problems that can be resolved in an hour.
Unless it’s serious; then it’s just depressing.
Something that worked for me: I went on Atkins for a month this winter (to lose weight) and did NOT go into a depression, which is very unusual. Three meals a day, a cup of vegetable with each meal, and no sugar, bread, potatoes or pasta. Very tough for vegetarians.
When I got laid off last spring, I went into a depressive tailspin. What got me out of it was my first face-to-face job interview. Didn’t get the job, but the simple fact that I had to travel several hundred miles and show up in a suit with paperwork in my hand did wonders for my mood.
Can you do something to keep you occupied? If you have some money, martial arts or other heavy athletic training does wonders. Gardening? Other hobbies?
There’s a thousand and one things you can do to get yourself off your tookus and out of the house; it’s the up and out part that’s really important.
first of all, good stuff for feeling about this >< much better. It’s a start, and that’s a good thing!
Secondly, you’ve achieved two big things: asking your parents over (even if they do drive you bonkers ;)) and cleaning up your apartment. Do not underestimate these achievements. As for “being up to their standards” - argh. I know how you feel, but you know what? You just have to think that it’s their problem they are being critical; they most likely don’t even realise they are being critical. At the moment, you are unwell and so anything said to you makes you hypersensitive to comments you perhaps would take with a pinch of salt. It hurts just that little bit.
Also, people in general don’t understand what you are feeling unless they’ve gone through it. Plus, self esteem comes into play here - but let’s face it, when you are feeling like crap, then everything feels out of whack - self confidence, hope, you name it. If your parents start on you - give them a duster, a pair of gloves, and tell 'em to get busy
The important thing is that you are trying. You can do no more than that.
That’s pretty good you know! Some people are unable to function, let alone get a job. Whether it is temporary or not, is not relevant right now.
I think the procrastination is part of it to be honest - certainly doesn’t help. Feeling like you are not doing anything, again is part of it. We set quite high expectations for ourselves - ambitious people do, and then we get into a tizzy when what we would take for granted, eg: like getting out of bed, ordinarily you’d do without a second thought, can’t be achieved. This leads to frustration because you tell yourself what you “should” be doing, and then you get sucked into a spiral. You’re used to taking large steps - great leaps and bounds. At the moment, you have to go back to basics and think “baby steps only”: make even a small list, tick off each one:
1)out of bed
2)washed and dressed
3)breakfast.
Even if you go back to bed at #3 - you’ve achieved something. Tomorrow, it will be better. You might make it to lunch
Some people cannot motivate themselves to get out of bed, to care for themselves, so yes, in those cases, “get off your arse, go for a walk” would be like a #122 on their list. If you could get up the motivation to go for a walk, well then d’uh, you’d have done it already. It is a very personal thing.
If you want to have chat anytime, or need some extra moral support, feel free to mail / IM me. If you do, great; if you don’t, no worries. Contact details in the profile.
I truly do because I have; in fact; there have been many days when I did not make Step 1. That list is incredibly good advice.
But I would make Step 2 ‘go for a walk’ (sleep in sweats so you don’t even have to get dresses first; that what I have to do some times.)
is truly not what I meant; I meant it as very good practical advice, like your little list, which I am going to remember the next time I slide into the depths.
Agreed, walking has been proved to be beneficial - any physical task is. Now, if only I had a love life…
Thankyou for the clarification but, problem not j66, please don’t worry. I knew what you meant. My intent was just to highlight what can be difficult for some people to do, not to attack others for their advice and suggestions, so apologies if it came over that way.
I tend to disagree. I did say that it’s a state of mind and I do think unless someone is clinically depressive, it is.
There have been times in my life when I have felt the same way and I probably have more reason than most to be chronically depressed so I am speaking from experience. I have to make a conscious effort not to go down that road but I also realise that this is easier for some than others. I may have sounded a little flip in my last post, I apologise.
All the people here have offered very good advice and I very glad you are feeling a little better ArrMatey!.
