I’m 42 and have been struggling for my entire adult life with bitterness and cynicism (caused largely by depression, but in part also by shyness and a sheltered childhood).
I want to hear from you if you’re bitter, cynical, unmotivated, about what gets you through - the day, the year, life.
I also want to hear from those who have managed to overcome this state, especially if you didn’t see how you could.
Thanks.
What would be the point?
Are you married? Do you have kids or a pet? Do you enjoy your job/career at all? It seems like some people really do see the glass half empty. If you don’t see anything bright in the future I can see why getting out of bed might be tough. My guess is that there is something you really want to do but for some reason you can’t quite pull it all together. I guess most of us simply have something to look forward to… you need a passion of some kind. That’s what keeps me going…
Moving to IMHO from GQ.
Colibri
General Questions Moderator
Painkillers, mostly.
Oddly enough I got through it with my other faults.
Stubbornness and Pride will get you through any rough spot.
Pure unadulterated pride. If I kill myself, the bastards won.
ETA :
You owe me a keyboard.
I’d like to recommend that you take a look at this current thread about worriers. In it I described the book I’ve almost finished working through, Learned Optimism, and the techniques that it advises for changing your outlook. Others in that thread added more information about cognitive therapy techniques. While these are often used to combat anxiety and depression, learned optimism in particular is a technique that can be used to deal with feeling a lack of meaning in your life. In fact, the last chapter of the book discusses this specifically.
Bitterness and cynicism ARE how I get through it all.
bitterness + cynicism + vague curiosity about world + drugs = PROFIT
Being a pessimist isn’t all that bad. You get pleasantly surprised a fair bit.
So, this is the Phillip K. Dick approach to life?
It will be once a pink beam of light from the Crab Nebula comes through my kitchen window and into my pineal gland.
Same here. Along with a side order of Paxil.
What I can say is that I am in the process of getting over cynicism. I am not over it yet but I am working on it. What has helped me is to first of all take a look at why I got this way. In my case it has to do with the fact that way deep down I am secretly very optimistic and naive. Which means that the world hurts me a lot, so I use cynicism as defense. At this stage I have decided that the pain of being cynical is greater than the pain of being disappointed. If that makes sense.
This is going to sound really corny, but I swear it works. I start every day with writing down 10 things for which I am grateful. What I think that this does is help start my attention off pointing towards the things that are positive and are working. I also have a “god box” and is something is really bugging my I write it on a piece of paper and stick it into the box (which is a shoebox sealed with strapping tape with a slit cut into the top). There are a few other tricks that I use, but those two have really helped start the process of changing my default setting. Hope that helps.
Besides taking the meds, I try to concentrate on the little things that I do control and/or that make me happy, and try to ignore the rest. Like Troy said in Reality Bites:
There’s no point to any of this. It’s all just a random lottery of meaningless tragedy and a series of near escapes. So I take pleasure in the details. You know… a Quarter-Pounder with cheese (those are good), the sky about ten minutes before it starts to rain, the moment where your laughter becomes a cackle…
I think it depends what you’re cynical about. Is it absolutely everything? I’m pretty cynical about certain topics (politics, certain aspects of human nature), but that doesn’t make it impossible for me to find enjoyment in many mundane things in everyday life. I think there’s a difference between healthy cynicism about some things, and a pervasive cynicism about everything in life. I think the latter is just a defense mechanism used to avoid ever being disappointed or hurt.
As for what motivates me to keep going through depression–it’s the love of learning. It’s easy to find entertainment when you find joy in learning something new.
Oh, forgot about food. I’m a strong believer in Pork Therapy. Tearing fatty meat off of bones with your teeth is a nice, primal mode of life affirmation. Yes, pigs are cute and intelligent, and yes, it will probably give you a heart attack, but fuck it. Embrace the vicious predator within you.
NM…misread.
Well, anti-depressants help.
Sheer stubbornness is part of it, and I suspect it’s the reason I didn’t break down earlier than I did. That and fear that if I did, I’d never be able to pick up the pieces. Life sucks, shit happens, nice people get spat on and asswipes bully their way to the top. I’ll be damned if I’m going to play that game, but I’m not about to roll over and take it either. I will fight every step of the way if I have to. I simply refuse to let others push me around.
My husband helps too. Not only because he can support me when I’m weak, but because it gives me reason and purpose. Things I would never do for myself I will do for him. He is the one thing that absolutely, positively matters in my life.
Oh yeah, and chocolate. Chocolate helps. Especially Cadbury milk chocolate bars…
This could describe me too, especially the naive part. Cynicism is a defense mechanism so that nothing gets too close–that way if it hurts me, it can’t hurt me as much.